How unlucky do you have to be to have bad neighbours on BOTH sides!

[ThatRuddyAbyssinian]

I'm ranting, I know. But I've really had enough. This is getting me down so much.

Just to set the scene - we've lived here for 5 years, a Victorian mid-terrace 2 bed house in a cul-de-sac in town (walking distance to the town centre but not so close that we get night-time trouble). Most residents are couples with either very young or late teenage kids, homeowners and private renters. Most of them are lovely...except the two on either side of us.

Neighbours on one side - nothing but problems since the day we moved in. Single Mum who on the surface is lovely but will use anything to get her own way and is very selfish. Has a son who is 20. Until the end of last year she worked shifts, which meant he was left alone in the house most of the time and it was party central. If we complained she got the hump and it made no difference anyway. Now she's away studying and the house is rented out to her son and his friends - so now its party central all the time. Loud music, BBQs every night, swearing, drinking, slamming doors etc etc.

Neighbours on the other side - professional couple in their mid-thirties. Rarely speak to us and the woman in particular looks at you like you're something she found on her shoe. Woe betide us if DD (aged 2) has a bad night. Make as much noise and do whatever they feel like doing at all times of the day. They seem to just 'live' loudly if that makes sense. They have occasional parties - last weekend being one example - loud music etc until the early hours, drinking games in the garden involving bottles of spirits and a hose, result was our visitors and the kids being disturbed and a pile of sick outside their front door which was simply hosed onto the pavement (yuck).

I could go on and on about things that happen but I'd be here all day. DH is a bit of a wuss by nature so will never say anything, meaning it gets left to me which is intimidating and upsets me. We can't afford to move house.

The house itself is lovely but I feel claustrophobic with being pushed around by neighbours, and hate having people over as you never know what will happen next. I hate it and I don't know what to do.

No answers, but that is a horrible situation to be in. I had a terrible neighbour and just ended up moving but if you are planning on staying you could contact your council as they will have a noise control/pollution unit. Though it might not be a good idea if moving is a possibility as I think someone said you have to declare problems.

I think you should report - I'd sooner get some peace and quiet while I was living in a house than worry about a sale that might not be on the cards. EH will visit and take steps that put pressure on the regular offenders. Occasional offenders are more difficult for them to deal with.

Falling out with your neighbours is incredibly stressful. You want your home to be a safe and peaceful haven, and it can't be that if it starts to stress you out. :(

One set of neighbours had a baby who cried all the time. And I mean really, literally, almost all the time. 3 or 4 hours every night. Plus all through the day, and I was working at home. Then, just as the little girl got to about three and didn't cry so much, the woman next door started child-minding, and then there were three or four small children crying on and off all day. :( My own kids never really cried much (I BF on demand) so I found it quite distressing as well as disturbing.

Others had teenagers and motorbikes. They revved engines when I was trying to settle small children and played music too loud.

Then my own eldest son hit his teenage years, and we had arguments and loud music and the police... And I suddenly realised that we had now become the anti-social neighbours.

One thing to remember is that families go through different stages. If you stay there, your DD will grow up, and your neighbours' noise won't bother you so much. Maybe they'll have children of their own. The rowdy youth will get a job or a girlfriend and settle down or move away. It may help (a little bit) to remember that now is not forever.

Meanwhile, remember you only have to declare problems if you do something about them - i.e. have a legal dispute or report them to the council... If you just come on MN to let off steam, you don't need to tell anyone!

Flow4 - probably the best advice I had not thought about. Hear! Hear!

Sound proof you walls?

Thanks for the responses. I did look into soundproofing at one point formica but it would be too expensive - plus it's not just the walls, the garden is a particular problem.

A long while back during a particularly bad spell of it, I did complain to the council about neighbour with son, who asked me to complete a diary. They then told me the noise wasn't 'bad enough' to warrant any further action. I'm reluctant to go further as I don't want it to affect selling the house when the time comes.

Appreciate what you're saying flow, but this has been like this since we moved in - mum and son were here before us and couple on the other side moved in shortly after we did. I can't see son ever moving out and if the couple have kids that'll make them noisier, not quieter. But our DD was like your neighbour's - she had horrendous colic and used to scream for hours. I was at my wit's end. Lovely woman from the couple used to make it very clear we were disturbing her - even now if DD has a bad night for whatever reason we're in for it the next day, much slamming of doors, stomping up stairs, music etc.

It really bugs me that people can be so inconsiderate when we always try to be good. Even now I insist on having the baby monitor on at night as the white noise helps me sleep. It's made me a nervous wreck and I just don't know what to do. DH doesn't help either with his 'bury head in the sand' approach.

I really am sympathetic, Ruddy; I remember how miserable it can feel. But these aren't 'bad' neighbours as such, they're neighbours with different lifestyles from you, which is no less stressful, but means the council and/or police won't get involved.

So you only have two options, really: move, or reconcile yourselves to it. If you can't reconcile yourself, then move - by hook or by crook - even if it means letting your house out and renting elsewhere. If you don't move, then you have to find a way of changing your responses and dealing with the upset - earplugs, hypnotherapy, relaxation exercises, lots and lots of exercise, smiling sweetly at the neighbours, whatever it takes to reduce your stress.

Good luck :)

Thanks flow, you're totally right. I still think they're bad neighbours in the way that it seems we almost don't exist to them when they want to make noise etc, but if we ever do (have never had a party here) it's the flip side of the coin. I'd like to move but we can't afford it right now and DH is refusing to.

Looks like I need some stress coping mechanisms!

We only have one side bad! So I feel for you. Sadly is the adjoining semi.
It mainly occurs in the Summer when the weather is nice and the BBQ gets wheeled out every weekend at least once. And they play really loud shit dance music for uptime 8 hours at a time. They had it on Saturday and were sat drinking, smoking with the lady of the house in a onsie at 4 in the afternoon - classy!

We have just found a lovely house we want to move to just in time for the Summer Season. Bad timing. And when the people who came for a second viewing on Sunday I was so worried they'd start the music up and we'd lose the sale.

We've had it for almost ten years and when were first moved in as 24 & 25 year olds we felt ridiculous complaining to 40 odd year olds about their music.

We have deliberately not started anything with regards to complaining to the council because we knew we wanted to move. We haven't even asked them to turn it down.

But it really really pissed me off this weekend and has made me want to move even more.