Hate new house

[Charli1990]

Hi im new to this so not sure if im posting in the right section was. Was looking for some advice my partner recently bought a house I protested and begged for him not to do it he done it anyway and I despise living here its only been a week and I cry every day all day. I don't want to be here I hate the area and im so alone also 6 months pregnant with no family near me. Never felt so alone. He has realised it was a huge mistake. Has anyone put there house up for sale so soon after buying we willing to lose some money as I believe happiness is much more important than money. I feel so unhappy I don't want to be anywhere near this house. The house its self is lovely and such a nice street but I can't cope being here. I know I wont settle here so giving it time isn't going to work. Would be grateful for any comments back and thank you for reading . X

Its in Edinburgh near baberton but so close to wester hails that's what I hate about it everyone has scared me saying how awful it is I didn't realise how close it was to that area it doesn't help im scared of my own shadow yeah I know grow up eh. Trying to save like mad to do a intensive driving course hopefully that helps. Not registered yet thats something that needs done this week. Hopefully make some new friends. We moved because of my partners work to be close to it. Just wish we had done it more inbetween hindsight what a amazing thing x

Yes it is, and you can't alter the past, but you can alter the future for the better!
Learning to drive is def a good start!

What was the reason for moving 2.5 hours away from your family? That's a long way and your DP must have had a reason for choosing the area. Is it work-related, is there some connection to your new area which will make it hard to move back to your family even if you do sell your house?

I so glad to hear you haven't cried today, perhaps it is the first of many happier days?

Before making the huge decision to move again, perhaps it would be worthwhile trying build some links in your new community. Perhaps find an antenatal class or track down your local children's centre and see what they have going on (they often have support groups especially for young mums). Your local NCT branch search here will probably have a Bumps and Babies coffee morning too.

Horrible area is an interesting one and one its important to put in perspective and soon.

What is it that makes you feel the area is horrid? Is it the lack of shop, that you don't know people, that you are unfamiliar with it?

Have there been actual crimes and real risks to you going out in the area since you've moved in?

The reason I ask is because of something in my past sometimes I become intimidated at the prospect of going out. I make what are plausible excuses to excuse my behaviour to myself, the fact they are not actually fact based is not relevant to my mind. It can become a vicious circle that is very self defeating.

Is there a medical reason that over time you couldn't learn to drive so that there is long term hope of increased mobility where ever you live longterm? What are the public transport systems like by you? What about occasional taxis - a once a week trip to browse baby stuff (even if its just window shopping) in a town? Alternatively could your DH drop you to town one day a week and you taxi/ bus back?

The most important thing I find is not to let the house become a self imposed prison.

Have you joined any pregnancy groups? Many people find life long friends at these. Not every group is for every person but your midwife should be able to let you know what's in the area, they may even introduce you to someone nearby who could give you a lift if you explain the situation.

If your husband works near where you live and your mum is 2+ hours away, neither of you drive what is the realistic chance of finding yourself in a property in walking distance of your mum?

Do you have space that your mum/ a sibling/ a good friend could stay for a week or two to go to groups with you the first time and walk the dog with you to build your confidence that firstly you can do it and secondly that it isn't so scary?

Are you on the deeds? That is shouting out at me as you are pregnant, unmarried and isolated away from family.

Well, it's not the area, is it? You are very close to your family and your mum is your friend. Can buying a house far away from them and having a baby be just a way of saying "we are a family now and I am your priority"? How are his relationships with his family? If you had episodes of depression before then your partner must be aware of this fact. Having a baby normally strengthens your relationships with your mother as now you will understand her more. I don't think he is doing it intentionally but I would take it as a warning sign.

How do I delete this post? I was looking more for reassurance and advice more than getting told how bad my life is and how stupid I am. No wonder this website was recently criticised for how mean people can be and how rude. My own fault for putting it up on the first place. Its 2013 yet I have still got the unmarried comment how nice. How nice it must be to live in some of your amazing judgemental lifes. Will definitely never use this website again

Charli, I think you misunderstand. Nobody is criticising your choices, but a few people are concerned at you being isolated from your family and not having financial protection if things go wrong.

If you were married and anything went wrong in your relationship, you would be entitled to half the property. If you are unmarried you don't have that protection.

Gosh op.
You sound very immature.
You have had some great advice on this thread.
If you don't want to follow it, fine.
But - tip for the future - dont ask for advice on a public forum and then get irate because people dont tell you what you want to hear!

Charli the person who mentioned you not being married is worried about your situation in terms of you not being entitled to the house if you split up.

If your name is on the deeds then it's fine...if not then you're in a vulnerable position as you have NO claim to the house at all.

He bought a house, and a week later realised it was a huge mistake? Is he always this impulsive?

You can ask MNHQ to delete the thread btw.
E mail them.

Oh dear. That went well then.

That's a real shame Charli, no-one has been rude or mean, far from it. They've all been kind and helpful. You are reading between the lines and seeing things that aren't there.
Think about the advice from these people, they are trying to protect you, that's all.

Hi Charli

Hope your ok? if you need to chat just PM me.
i can totally understand you feel isolated i felt that way just after my daughter was born.
I'm in London so that is quite far away as i was going to offer to meet up for a chat.

xx

I couldn't care a fig if people are married it is all about you having legal protection.

If "he" signed the papers and you didn't that would suggest to me you have no ownership of the house.

That fact added to being unmarried, pregnant and away from family puts you in a very, very vulnerable position.

Emotions will be running high while heavily pregnant and you will feel you need your family more then you actually do at the moment - first baby and everything. That feeling will pass though. It will be fine once you have friends and are a part of a social network/various activity groups.

Can you talk to your midwife about meeting other first time pregnant mums? Tell the midwife that you feel isolated. She will help. Two hours to family isn't too bad really but probably a big jump for you right now if you are used to actually living with parents. See the move as short term and have an agreed target move date (2015?) - or the year before child starts school? The present living situations isn't forever, you could just see them as temporary and make the most of the here and now.

Right now you need to take stock and see the positives for your child's sake. You need to try and be happy so your child can be happy. Baby will pick up on all your emotions. So what can you be grateful for? Being with your loving partner, having a scrummy baby. What nice things are there in your environment? Try to change the way you look at things. Put a positive spin on things.

And get your name on the deeds, urgently.

Charli it sounds to me like you are quite badly depressed. It might 'just' be the hormones, or it might be a longer-term depression - but whatever, you're unhappy and vulnerable and stressed, and that's a horrible way to be feeling. :( I think you should go and see your new GP (I realise you will have had to change doctors too) and have a chat about how you're feeling... It might be that they can refer you to some counselling, which is definitely a good idea, since you haven't got many people around you to talk to at the mo. I've had counselling a couple of times and it has been very useful.

You've got lots of very real reasons to feel stressed - moving house, moving away from your mum and your other social support, being pregnant - these are all really stressful. If you don't believe me, you might find this life events stress test useful.
Also, you are (to an old fogey like me, anyway!) very young, which means you'll be dealing with all sorts of things for the very first time ever, which makes it all more difficult. Things do get easier with practice, honest! :)

I think formica's post is full of really useful questions and advice. But don't get too upset by other posts. If you don't find them helpful, just try to ignore them. MN is basically like a roomful of strangers - you'll find some people you like here, and some you really don't... That's how life is too. It can be harder to deal with when you're vulnerable, but it can be really, really useful when you need advice. :)

(And anyone who's inclined to be harsh - please go easy with this OP: she's vulnerable, isolated, young, miserable and possibly depressed. Be kind. :)

i feel like u too have moved and hate it and miss family xx

As I have said on other threads, ALWAYS ALWAYS give things time, I moved into a 1930s semi detached on a middle class suburban area, it was a blissful street and the house looked perfect when we bought it, apart from a boiler change to combi and new kitchen..>WRONG The house was a complete flip, seller had timber framed and plaster boarded every single wall and not even taped joins, no earth wires, no bonding, back boiler wasnt vented..the result was all the skirting boards and floors needed to be lifted and walls rechased and replastered, new windows, new roof...blah blah blah.

But the worst thing was I moved out 5 months later selling it to a house builder and deeply regretted it once I had calmed down...as is said in the Money Pit with Tom Hanks if you have a good foundation everything else is fixable! I urge you to watch the film and then get your scruffs on and get fixing it up...NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!

Do you think three years is enough time, halphgracie?

I just wrote a long helpful and at points witty response to this. Just about to send and then saw the date. Still beats doing the washing up.