We finally have a date! But have put my foot down with mum - WWYD? (long)

[oopsCENSOREDagain]

Looked like our house sale was going to fall through, our chain collapsed, but now our buyer has managed to source a mortgage not dependent on her sale so we have a date!

We have moved several times, and whenever possible my mum has come to help. She is super-organised and a fantastic help, but she has her own way of doing things. She wants everything done now and things need to be unpacked-put-away immediately. We used to be a military family, DH at work and DD was small, so TBH it was easier to take a deep breath, stand back, and let her sort it all out. I would start off with a good idea of how I'd like things to work out, but halfway through she would start to take over and I would start to get stressed and would bow out and leave it to her.

Well this time, we are only moving across the road, to a bigger house. We aren't getting a moving company, just friends to help us. Today I mentioned to mum that DH will be getting a couple of blokes from work, and my friends will be here, and she made a cats-bum face and said "Oh, if there's too many, we'll all be getting under each others feet".

I told her we will NOT be unpacking boxes as soon as they arrive in the house. I want everything packed up, then on moving day, all the boxes and furniture will be carried over and put into the new house in the 'right' rooms, I will have the things we need immediately (bedlinen, phones, kettle, large bottle of Scotch ) put separately so we have them to hand, but everything else will be unpacked over the next couple of days.

(She would normally be running around opening boxes as soon as they arrive and trying to put everything away while more boxes and stuff are still being carried in, so we can 'be straight' ASAP.)

She sort of shrugged and said "Well that's up to you, I'm only trying to help."

She's not going to get huffy and refuse to help or anything, we are not that sort of family. I am really grateful to her for all the help she does give me, and I do tell her so. But I want this move done MY WAY, it will be so much less stressful for me. Why can't she see that?

She is an ex military wife that is why.

My Mum is exactly the same, and thankfully she NEVER accompanies a move with me anymore because we live far too far away.

Bless you, buy her a bottle of wine. Maybe then she'll let you do things your way.

Good idea - get her blotto on a bottle of vodka and then do it my way!

She sounds super organised with tonnes of energy!

Perhaps once you are in for a few days you could ask her to come and unpack a particular room?

Beryl the problem will be getting her to wait a few days. She wants to unpack boxes while the moving men are still carrying more boxes in.

I see. My MIL has that Jack Russell type of personality too. It's great at times, but often just too much.

Jack Russell personality! Exactly!

Moving into a quarter is fine to do that - it's clean, but I couldn't put anything in cupboards etc now without cleaning them thoroughly.

Ha ha ha, I say, hollowly.

Many moons ago, I moved. Back story: I moved in with my BF, into his apartment in Brisbane. He got sent up the coast (Queensland) so we decided he'd sell the flat and we'd buy together up the Coast, which we did, as our first home. It was 50 miles away and we were child-free so for the first 6 months, I was weekly commuting up and down the coast, from a shared renter in Brisbane to our house on the coast as I needed to sort a job on the coast.

Anyway, we'd bought and were moving over Easter. The move happened on the Thursday before Good Friday, and I was there at the house telling the blokes which rooms to stick boxes in. After a long Good Friday shift (HCP) at work down in Brisbane, I drove sloooowly (traffic) up the Coast on Easter Saturday. D fiancé's family couldn't keep away, as they lived a further 50 miles north. Always present. I was fine until I arrived at lunchtime on that Easter Saturday to find MIL telling her older DS (my BIL) where exactly to place ornaments as she unpacked them, many of them being atrocities she'd insisted her younger DS (my fiancé) needed in his apartment... I wore this with gritted teeth- but then she took to the garden (and the woman was not a gardener whereas I like to think I am ) and, in front of me, directed her DH which plants to pull up as they were weeds. I put my foot down. A blissful 3 weeks followed where she wouldn't speak to me as I was rude!

Tansie I'm suddenly thinking DM isn't really all that bad after all!

Will it help if I share with you that my mother "happened to be in area" of house we were hoping to buy (2.5 hours drive from where she lived). We were offer accepted but hadn't even exchanged at this point and she went and peered over gate so obviously she was challenged by vendors. She explained who she was and then got guided tour of garden (even she drew the line at looking around house as offered!)and proceeded to pronounce that she was sure all the negotiation stumbling blocks wouldn't really be a problem as we loved the house so much... She is just about forgiven now we have moved in.

Tell her you are having cleaners in to do a deep clean of every square inch of the house when you get possession (I recommend this anyway) as there will be the previous owners' inevitable dirt and the dust and footprints from moving to clear away before you arrange anything. Then let her at it.

I had DS and his friends helping when I moved, and they were lovely, but it took ages to sort out where everything was. It was wall to wall furniture and boxes all higgledy piggledy for a week. We couldn't get the beds together without taking some stuff out and then back in again when they were assembled. Same for the dining room table. We would have been faster if DS hadn't found and hooked up the tv first...

don't tell her the real date.

Things are a little difficult to keep from her as (a) she lives 5 minutes away, and (b) we are literally moving across the road!

You could ask her to do the kitchen for you? Pack it up, clean the old one, the new one and unpack. There's loads of work in that and if you can get a good idea in advance where you want stuff to go you can stick post-it notes on the kitchen cupboard doors so she unloads where you want it ?
With any luck she will get stuck into cleaning the oven and supplying everyone with food and drink and you can manage the rest of it ..........

...or lock the doors to the rooms you don't want unpacked

That's actually a really good idea oscar. She has already offered to clean our old house once the stuff begins to be moved out, which should keep her busy for the morning, at least. Then if I can 'restrict' her to the kitchen it will make life much easier!