Advice please on leaving London !

[crikeybill]

We currently live and work in South West London and have done all our lives. Dh and I ( and 3 dc ) would quite like to relocate out as frankly I am sick of it.
I have applied for quite a few jobs in the West Sussex area and have now been called back for a second interview on one I am quite optimistic about
Its in haywards heath.

if I am successful and get the job it looks like we are off . The thing is, while this is all good to talk and dream about, I havent actually the faintest idea of how to go about untangling my London life.

Is there a checklist of things I need to do to make this work ? Anyone got any ideas, hints or tips ??

And am I mad lol ??

Lulabellaram I am going to stalk you and emphathise and have a little cry.

I think the best thing about London is CLICHE KLAXON the people. The amazing brilliant wonderful people. In one room you can get 1 x sofa-surfing Venetian folk accordian player, 1 x Croatian lawyer, 1 x ridiculous aristo couple in inherited tweeds, 2 x hipsters, 1 x cellist, 2 x students...

I'm going to move out and people will point and laugh at me in the street because I can't tell the difference between Farrow and Ball paint schemes and can't drive and dress weirdly

I lived in London all my life until 18 months ago when I moved somewhere very different (Norfolk). Did it for all the usual reasons: schools, house prices, sick of commuting, traffic etc. I felt terrible for a few months but now feel very settled.

What helped me:

• Don't move too far away to visit friends, but not too close either. I would have hated a satellite town eg Potters Bar that was so close that it had no identity/culture of its own. We are in Norwich which has a thriving arts/music scene due to non proximity to anywhere else!

• Make an effort to make new friends asap - I have met some lovely people since moving here inc through MN - but make time for your old friends too. I go for a weekend in London every couple of months to catch up with friends.

• Make the most of the good things about your new home. We go to the Broads or the beach most weeks and also get out to many more gigs than when we lived in the suburbs of London as getting around is so much easier, taxis are cheaper, so are gig tickets!

Although I'll always be a Londoner at heart, I am really enjoying living elsewhere, it feels like a permanent holiday sometimes :)

Agrh! That's where we're probably going - DH is going to study there, you see....and you're not in permanent mourning or anything???

I feel a bit less like crying. A bit.

I live in west Sussex if that helps anyone . I may be able to answer some questions . Will you be able to afford. Much bigger house? That will be cool In itself non?

Jodie Norwich is ACE and see, you already know someone here :)

Within the UK...

The best Chinese I've had was in Manchester
The best comedy I saw was in London
The best mountain I climbed was in Scotland
The best play I saw was in Edinburgh
The best lake I've camped by was in Cumbria
The best beach I seen was in Scotland
The best vibe I've experienced was in Brighton
The best shopping I've done was Chester or Manchester
The easiest airport I've used was Liverpool
The best parks I've seen were in London and Harrogate
The best gig I went to was in Brighton
The area I've lived with the best schools has been Altrincham (Manchester)
The best sense of community I've experienced was in Lancashire or Cheshire

Some of those are debatable, but my point is that it's not just "how much of the London stuff will I find in the new place" but also, "what about all this stuff that I could never have found in London".

House
Schools
Everything else

You won't be able to apply for schools (or know which ones you've got a chance of getting into), until you've got an address.

And it's a huge move - I understand your trepidation. I live about 25 miles from central London and it's another world - a nice world, as it happens - but very different. I love being able to drive out into the country in 10 mins though.

I can't wait to get out of London. Just cannot, cannot, wait. Please come back to me and accept my offer, people whose house I want to buy, pleeeeeeeease!

(Although I totally agree with Jodie on the point about eclectic/international people. I do love that about London. Fortunately where I'm heading, Brighton, is similar on that score)

London is hard to leave, well I found it so. However, if you're heading sussex way it really isn't hard to claw your way back for a day trip.

Have you looked at lifeafterlondon.com - it's fairly new but it's been set up (not by me!) to help people make the move - and there are lots of locals willing to help out with questions you may have.

We made the move from SW London to Tunbridge Wells almost 4 years ago now, and haven't looked back. I do still go back to London as it's only 50 minutes away, but I really don't miss it. When we go back to visit friends it seems so dirty, busy, loud and overpriced. As someone else upthread said, it's a fantastic place to live if you're absolutely loaded and can afford a huge house and garden, but we just weren't in that ballpark. Where we are, we also have the sea, amazing countryside, lovely places to visit, and great shops, theatres and museum on the doorstep.

Haywards Heath is great, and Sussex, E or W is really beautiful. I'm sure that you will meet plenty of other London 'expats' who have done the same thing and survived .

RCheshire - Love your post :)

I've lived in various places - Manchester, Cambridge, a small town in the Midlands - and only came to London 5 years ago. I now think of myself as a Londoner, and I love living here, but I think it would be equally fantastic to live in a different town.

People - There are communities in other towns! You'll find friends that suit you. Not everyone outside London is middle-aged and interested in gardening and paint shades.

Transport - You'll need a car. But once you have a car, it's much faster to get to work/friends than it is in London. In London I find I often need to travel up to an hour to a restaurant where I'm meeting friends. In other towns I just drive/walk 15 minutes and visit them in their homes.

Homes - Much bigger, much cheaper. Seriously, in my home town you can get a newish 4 bedroom detached house with garden and garage for ~250K...

Environment - Cleaner air, more peaceful, less traffic, beautiful walks. In the house where I spent my teens, I could see the countryside from my bedroom window. The town center was 15 minutes drive away. The nearest field was 10 minutes walk away. The nearest big city (for shopping/ents) was 45 minutes by train - similar to how long it takes me to get into Central London now.

Schools - Private schools are generally cheaper than in London, and have more space for sporting facilities. And there are plenty of competitive state schools too.

I'm in London now because of work. But one day I dream of having a house in the country with fields nearby and hens in the garden.

I moved out 2.5 years ago from zone 4 - just 10 miles out, but certainly out of the city. Initially I didn't 'think' it would be very different, but I felt like I was hit with cold water within the first week of having moved. It felt like a HUGE mistake & I wanted to crawl back into my old house surrounded by the urban buzz. It's taken me 2 years to accept that we are better off here. Life is quiet, the streets are eerie after dark, I worry if DH doesn't get home by 9pm, I hate winters even more than before. But when I go back, despite the pull to my heart strings, I find the old area crowded, polluted, stressful & very dirty compared to where I live now. Yes it's more glamorous & full of life, but perhaps not the best world for us with a young DC & 2 full time jobs.

At the end of the day am glad to 'come back' to peace, clean roads, easy parking, quietness & not having to queue for every single thing for ages!

If you are worried about your move, I would suggest you rent a cottage in your desired area for a week, and see how you like it. Worth a trial before such a large leap. But am sure you'll love it, and it will set your mind at ease. Good luck!

We live in the south west now and it's amazing. Life has never been so good

I'm not sure about schools and things because my children are still little, but a lot of the people I meet out here who have done the big move tend to rent rather than buy outright. We bought our house and luckily it has panned out... I love, love, love living in our pretty village. But others I have spoken to found the various villages too remote and moved to towns and felt happier. It helps some people to test drive new locations before committing. It did take a good year for me to stop feeling isolated when we moved though.

Have lived in Hertfordshire, Kent, West Sussex and Scotland. West Sussex is best.

I agree - find the school and then rent. I think trying to co-ordinate school start times, moving dates and being certain that you have moved to the right place without knowing anything about the area is too much.

Re: children leaving their current school, just tell the school and they will tell you what to do. However, be aware that once you have formally given up your child's place you will have to reapply for it if you change your mind.

Some of it is down to luck, but I think the easiest time to meet new people and become involved in a community (if you wish to do so) is when you have young children. Just want to check though - are the rest of your family also sick of London?

Also, the reality is that people with young families have always moved out of London and with current house prices, it is a bit of a flood, so you will probably find that you are surrounded by people from SW London.

I agree that London can be a very hard place to leave...I think about leaving every day but need to get the job thing sorted out.

Good luck OP.

Also, transport is great in London, but unless you live centrally and have ready access to money and babysitters, my experience is that once you have children you are lucky if you do proper 'London' things (as opposed to things that you could do in any town or city) more than once every couple of months.

Having said that, plenty of places 'in the countryside' have less easy access to places where you can go for a walk than SW London.

Think carefully about what your day to day life will actually be e.g. your children won't be going on long country cycle rides from your door if you have to negotiate several busy roads to get to the cycle path.

RCheshire, if I could favourite a post, it'd be yours.

London is a different world in its economy, but I don't really believe the rest is is incomparable to other places in the UK. You want shifting community make-up, look around the university towns. If you like the influence of old, established immigrant communities, many cities in the UK are famous for them. London has great things to see/do: The cityscape, the nightlife, the parks, the shopping, the museums, the arts festivals, but all these happen in other cities too. Hell, we can even give your shitty traffic a run for its money at times! And before you say that only London has all these things together, I give you Manchester, and Edinburgh, and Glasgow, and Brighton, and Liverpool, just for starters. As far as I can tell, you're worried about moving out of an exciting city, into the leafy suburbs; leaving your friends behind and throwing yourself in with a bunch of twin-set-and-pearls types. These are fears that city dwellers anywhere in the UK might sympathise with.

If it's just about the house prices, consider moving to a northern city instead. If it's about space and light, then there will be compromises. You can't stay in the thick of things without the inconvenience of other people being there too. But really working through what the best of your new life will look like (a green bike; being able to get home from work at lunchtime; a big garden; nearby woods to walk the dogs; pub in walking distance; swimming pool in walking distance...) will help analyse where you need to position yourself to feel the benefits. And once you're there, make yourself reap the benefits... Don't try living a pale shadow of your city life - if you have a list of reasons for the move, use it as a checklist of things to do. Get that bike, and ride it every day, rain or shine, until it's as much a part of you as London was.

I think the pain of leaving London is a matter of personalities and interests. OP does says that sheh is fed up, so obviously not all has been wonderful, as far as her aspirations went.

Jodie, you do sound, otoh, like someone who should stay there. Very extravert and boho/alternative. Mind you, I'm surprised that Spero isn't mentioning that Bristol has Stokes Croft and street art and many international places to eat arouond there and Gloucester road - it's really not miles apart from Hackney but on small scale and more peaceful. Other places - I'm not so sure, don't know of any that's strongly alternative - I mwan in a creative sense, not just crystal healing . Bits of Manchester maybe but I haven't been there.

Also, if you are relatively young, who knows, you may go back Jodie, at some point. Maybe you'll win something or inherit, or your kids become vey succesful. I think if someone would only go back if they could afford a huge house or live only in rich area like Hampstead - isn't really THAT much in love with london. Some people over 40 live in a 1-bed if they aer glued to the place - usually those with a huge social life.

But my poibt is, if your interests lie in nature/peace/painting outside, animals, then movinbg from London is relatively easy - also imo if you aer not so extraverted and crave some peace and don't like constant crowds everywhere you go. So there is no one rule for all.

I've moved out but now decided that I am too far. I'm genuinely happy to be away from london for half of the week, but I do want to be there weekly. Lived there for 20yrs and love it overall, but do not love all the areas, or some dullard suburbs. If I was offered to live in a depressing area of london (or criminal one), i'd go without question to a beautiful smaller place with history and nature around. But if I was offered my preferred places (which I see as home still) I'd of course go and lilve in london. Obvoiusly can't afford those now and wouldn't live in a shoebox. You have to be open-minded really, not just be negative.

I do think it's important that you find a new place attractive, something there that you love. Don't chose for purely practical reasons.

The OP was nearly 2 years ago. I hope she's got over her fear of moving from London by now!