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Original poster

I don't feel 100% about a house we have put an offer on - help

28 replies

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 19:06

Hello, I wondered if anyone could help or understand as I am having many sleepless nights and much anxiety....

In short, we are looking for a house. Last Saturday I went to see a house that my DH had seen earlier that day and said was amazing. I went to see the house and it is the first house that I have seen (have been to see loads), that actually seemed a spacious family home. We are in London so it's very pricey and in our area it seems that you don't get much for your money.

Anyway saw this house and it is amazing, the vendors have completely done a modern kitchen, it's well looked after garden etc. It is only a little bit away. It means we would have to move DS school but it would be from a good school to a 'outstanding' school. Also he is in reception so not too much of a wrench...so the house ticks lots of boxes.

I got in an almighty panic and slightly obsessed with the house, I put in an offer for the asking price on Monday which was accepted. Since then I have been completely wracked with self-doubt about the decision, I feel very confused and am not sure if its the right thing to do. I don't know if what I'm feeling is gut instinct or if I'd feel like this about anywhere - help I feel a bit mad.
]The agent sensed my doubt I think and said basically did I want to pull out on Tuesday, and I didn't. I feel like everything has snowballed, and feel a bit scared to tell the agent that I don't think I want to buy, yes I know it's pathetic - I feel so bad for the vendors as they have been let down once before by a buyer so are quite wary. I managed to get a second look at the house after much hassling of the agent, and much evasion by them. I went to look again yesterday and my feelings of doubt have not gone away. DH loves the house....help, what are my real feelings? Is it normal to feel so anxious about buying a house, is this why buying and selling is supposed to be so stressful. I actually think I've lost half a stone in a week - I am lying awake not sure about the decision and feeling so bad about letting the vendors down.

Coupled with this our buyer came to look at our flat again and it;s not looking too positive as she seemed quite negative about the flat. Our agent told us to keep hush, but shouldn't we let the vendors know.

I have never done this before and am feeling hopelessly confused...sorry I am ranting and I do appreciate how lucky we are to be able to buy, but I want to do the right thing....

OP posts:

franke · 06/04/2012 19:09

What are your doubts exactly? Do you feel you are paying too much?

VivaLeBeaver · 06/04/2012 19:10

Is there something specific about the house that's worrying you?

I do think it is normal to get cold feet/panic at this point. It's a lot of money and the thought that, oh my god this is it, the house we will live in for years and years, and what if it's not perfect, etc.....that thought is normal.

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 19:17

Okay it's quite hard to specify my doubts specifically as it doesn't seem like a rational feeling. It's not that I feel we're paying too much as it's a standard price in our area, and we're getting more space as the house is about 1/2 a mile away.

I guess I do have doubts about the layout, the kitchen and dining room are at the front of the house as you come in the door - the house feels quite dark, though that is a cosmetic thing and can be changed. It's just a general feeling of feeling, 'is this the right thing', and feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

I guess there is no advice but I wonder if it would be so very terrible to pull out now, we offered on Monday just gone -

OP posts:

Springforward · 06/04/2012 19:20

I sympathise, and I think it's really common.

The tricky thing is to work out whether it's really that it's not right, or just anxiety about all the change/ hassle/ money?

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 19:22

spring - I honestly don't know, i can't work it out. Dreading calling the agents if that is what we choose to do

OP posts:

RandomMess · 06/04/2012 19:24

I would ask for a 2nd viewing and make a list of what you're not sure about, sit down after and see if these things are fixable/changeable or deal breakers.

If it's a fair price and a good location it should be okay. But if you hate the layout or something structural that is never going to change.

LaGuerta · 06/04/2012 19:25

Can you identify why you have your doubts? Is is something tangible or just gut feeling? Is it the amount involved. You say you haven't done this before, what happened when you purchased your current property did you feel much more certain? You DH loves the house but is he sympathetic to your qualms?

If you are going to pull out it is far better to do so now when only a short time has passed and no real financial commitment has been made than to string everyone along for weeks. Yes you would annoy the vendors but you could treat them much worse and pulling out is v common. I was told 1/3 of all agreed sales fail pre exchange.

This is one reason why house selling and buying is stressful but there are many others too.

Rhubarbgarden · 06/04/2012 19:38

It sounds to me like you are just overwhelmed by the enormity and suddeness of it all. If you've been looking for ages, you get used to waiting for the perfect place and not finding somewhere becomes the normality. A friend of mine recently pulled out of a sale because the night they accepted an offer on their flat she spent hours and hours in tears, crying 'but I like it here!'. She felt this was a clear sign that her gut instinct was to stay. A fortnight after pulling out, all the old annoyances of the flat are getting to her again (too small, basically) and I think she's regretting their decision. I think that really she was intimidated by such a big change rather than truly wanting to stay put. As it sounds like the doubts you are having revolve around the move generally rather than specific things about the house, I would hazard a guess that you are in the same situation, and it's more to do with cold feet than anything else. But only you know, really!

newgirl · 06/04/2012 19:39

Is it the cost? Have you both sat down and gone through all the moving costs, fees etc - can you move in and make the changes you want, without worry?

If yes I would say go for it. Its natural and intelligent to think it all through but if you need a home and you can afford this one, it sounds good. Get a survey done, go and visit and different times of day for noise, try and meet the neighbours - all that might make you feel happier

jollymollie · 06/04/2012 19:46

i'd go with your gut feelings. I think you walk into a house and know 100% if you will be happy there. I got myself in the same position as you and ended up pulling out (early stages in the process), so glad i did as I found my dream home. Didn't tick as many boxes and was not in such a good sate of repair but i just loved it instantly. Good luck.

badtasteflump · 06/04/2012 19:55

Hmm all I can say is that when we bought our house a few years ago we both loved it as soon as we saw it. It was a big step up from the house we were in, and therefore the mortgage was going to be hiked up quite a bit. But it was still affordable so we made a good offer which was accepted. I was elated for about five seconds, then I started panicking. For me it was about the huge financial committment we were taking on, compared to the years before of a tiny mortgage and lots of disposable income (though only through being in a house that wasn't big enough for us!).

The niggly worry didn't go away until we moved in, when suddenly the DCs had a bedroom each, a big garden to play in, and I was waltzing around in my lovely new kitchen . And I've never regretted the move since.

Therefore I would say if it is just the financial aspect that's worrying you, and other than that the house is just what you want; as long as it is affordable - then go for it.

PatsysPyjamas · 06/04/2012 19:56

I think you might just be scared.

Get your DH to agree to pull out on Tuesday when the agent will be back in the office. Spend the weekend knowing you are not moving to that house. Initially you'll probably feel relieved. It might then be followed by disappointment?

I hate big decisions. I am the least decisive person I know, so I'm not pretending I have the answers, by the way. But I've never made a big decision I didn't doubt at some point. People always say these things are 100%, but in my life it's far less black and white than that. It sounds like the house ticks the boxes.

newgirl · 06/04/2012 20:14

I haven't loved a house 100% - my dream home would cost about £1mill more! But I do like our house and its safe, near friends, got everything we need and we can happily afford it and that is surely enough to make a decision - you have to live somewhere!

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 20:51

Thanks so much people.....I really value all your views and experience....I guess it's another sleepless night ahead...!

OP posts:

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 20:52

Oh and the decision might be taken out of our hands anyway, I think our buyer might pull out. She was very negative about our flat and didn't seem to like anything about it!!

OP posts:

FashionEaster · 06/04/2012 20:58

You could always link and we'll tell you all the lovely points about it

Springforward · 06/04/2012 20:59

Do you think she might be having similar worries to you and is trying to sort it out in her mimd? Just a thought?

thomasbodley · 06/04/2012 21:00

I think it's normal to have nerves about change or about borrowing, but to have doubts about a house is your instinct telling you something is not right. Even when I've bought money-pit disasters, I've always loved what the flat or house could be, and I had a vision of how I wanted it to look and how I imagined myself living there.

If you're just having dark thoughts, it's not the right house.

If the house is dark, be careful. Almost everything wrong with a house can be fixed, except for its location and its orientation.

A north-facing kitchen will always be dark and depressing, and you'll need to keep the lights on all year round.

We rented a house with a north-facing kitchen, study and garden for two years, and it was awful - I'm convinced that house gave me seasonal affective depression, although it was so beautiful in so many other ways. I'd never even considered orientation to be a dealbreaker before.

albertswearengen · 06/04/2012 21:06

I have always had a panic about every house I've ever bought even though I really loved them. It's normal panic of thinking you might not be doing the right thing. Fortunately here in Scotland once you've made an offer it's binding so I couldn't pull out which is a good thing. Go back and see it again with an open mind. If you loved it once you may kick yourself if you don't give it a chance.

NiceHamione · 06/04/2012 21:15

I think if you don't love a house at this early stage you may regret not pulling out. I have never bought a house without being in love with it.We once put in an offer on a house I was 80% in love with and we withdrew the offer. I felt guilty as it had happened before to the vendors, but this is too big a decision if you are not sure.

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 21:15

oh thomasbodley, I am really affected by dark. I do love light and brightness. Now I think with lighter paint (at the mo it's a very stylish gray/beige colour, but not light enough for me). But I think lightness is a dealbreaker. I can't work out the orientation of the house. it might have a northfacing garden but the kitchen is at the front of the house.

I think the house is on northwest side

OP posts:

NiceHamione · 06/04/2012 21:17

I agree if it is a dark house it could be a deal breaker.

Original poster

Deadsouls · 06/04/2012 21:21

Nice - that's what I'm thinking, that I may just regret it and have a feeling of dread the whole way through.

I think I panicked into making an offer because we had a buyer and I felt a pressure to find somewhere. The market is really static at the mo where we are, and hardly any 3 beds coming on at all. I am aware that quite soon we may not be able to afford a 3 bed

spring with regards to the buyer, yes she may well be panicking but she really didn't have anything postive to say. She was patting the walls and saying that there was damp, she was concerned about subsidence, she was convinced that there used to be a wall where there wasn't one....I think she may be a bit of a nightmare to deal with

OP posts:

SoupDreggon · 06/04/2012 21:21

Find the house on Google Earth - that will let you work out which way it faces.

PatsysPyjamas · 06/04/2012 21:29

Another possibility - could you be convincing yourself you are not sure about the house, so that you're not heartbroken if your buyer drops out?

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