Brink of exchange - big wobble - help!

[pinkdelight]

We're due to exchange and complete next week. We are selling a nice big 4-bed terrace with huge garden in an okay street but pretty dull nowheresy bit of south London with rubbish schools.

We tried desperately to move in time for the school deadlines but it all went horribly wrong and fell through about 6 weeks ago. So we've ended up going for a house much closer to the private school where he currently goes to nursery. It's a nice school but the drive from here is a pain so we thought at least we'd be closer and be living in a nicer area.

So, we quickly (to keep our buyer) found a chain-free 3-bed semi around the corner from the school for a reasonable price. But... as the completion looms, we're starting to think - it's considerably smaller - the living space, the garden, the bedrooms - we'd have to get the loft converted to make it viable (I work from home). So we'd be blowing 20k on moving costs plus 35k on loft for a less good house and we'd still have to pay for school. Isn't that madness? Shouldn't we just stay put and live with the school run horrors, at least until our earnings go up (which they may do in the next few years)?

When I write it all down here, it feels fairly clear that we should stay put. But how do I know whether that's just last minute nerves, fear of change etc? Like we just don't have what it takes to push through to the completion? I do feel like if we don't bite the bullet, we'll always be stuck here because we'd have to pay twice as much for a house this good in a better area. But I also feel like we might have been rushed into getting the wrong house just to keep our buyer. I'd feel terrible pulling out and letting her down. Aaargh!!!

I could go on - haven't even started on all the childcare pro's and cons - but really I just keep going around in circles. Any wisdom would be very welcome.

Try writing a list of all the pros and cons of both houses and see if that helps.

For example, what is the new area like? Could you make money on the new house by adding a loft conversion? How much time would be saved? How much petrol money?

Imagine if your sellers pulled out and you couldn't buy the new house after all. Would you feel gutted - or relieved?

Sorry, got to dash off....

Thanks bradbourne. That's interesting, because I think the wobble was partly triggered by the seller threatening to pull out earlier this week because he'd had a better offer (he sneeakily kept it on the market with another developer). Something about that threat made us wonder if it just wasn't meant to be - if it was maybe our escape route. And then when he decided to stick with us, but pushed for an even faster completion, that has given us the willies.

But does that mean we don't want it? Or it is just normal to feel this wobbly now?

Pro's and cons wise it's such a close run thing, hence the utter confusion. We're constantly going - but it's got no storage - but it's a nicer area - but it's not that much nicer - but it's closer to the school etc etc. Driving me crackers!

Could you not sell your house but move into rented whilst you find the right house to buy? You'd have the hassle of moving twice but you'd save moving to a place you're unsure about, and you'd be in an ace position to buy - chain free and all that.

Rent. Keep your buyer and bank any equity. Rates are on the up and prices will fall as there is nowhere for the govt to go now with rates and printing money all that is over.

That's what we were trying to do when it all fell through (rental house totally destroyed by leaking pipe, ruining chance of being in catchment for free school in time for deadline - how bad luck??). But there isn't anywhere near to the private school that's afforable rent-wise and if we rented elsewhere we'd lose the childminder I've sorted, who is the only good one close to the school. There are so many factors. But you're right, it is a good option if we can find somewhere and make it work. The main thing I'm taking from your post though is that it's wrong to go through with the purchase if we're unsure, right? So it's not just normal to wobble at this stage? Are most people just excited?

If you aren't sure, don't buy it. There are so many threads about people who have ignored their feelings and moved to houses they don't really like but they never settle. Our last house was like this for us. We had a buyer desperate to buy our flat, couldn't find anything we really liked so settled for a house that was fine, but it never felt like home and all we did was talk about selling and moving again, we lasted 4 years there. The house that we live in now is perfect and felt right immediately. What I am trying to say in a very long winded way is trust your instincts!

I agree you should be looking forward to it!

Yes... We complete tomorrow and since we saw it have been excited about it. We were in the process of selling our flat and buying a place which fell through, and which we weren't that gutted about losing in the end. We carried on with the sale of our flat and are now renting, and found a new place which is much better - and much more exciting. Because we were able to move v quickly on the purchase our offer was accepted over other bidders and we exchanged in 3 weeks from the date offer accepted. We have already agreed that next time we move we'd be happy with this approach - its been more stress free than trying to sell and buy all at once.

If you're in London, I would think you will have no problem finding another buyer. Places seem to be moving extremely quickly. I know it is hard for your buyer, but stamp duty + moving costs are massive so you should not move if you are not sure about where you are going.You could stay out while you look for somewhere else and then put your house back on the market, or have a chat with your buyer and see whether she would be happy to wait to exchange. I have a friend who has just been given an exchange date in July (due to tennants in property) and another friend had buyers who waited over a year while they found somewhere.

But I would be very cautious about moving to a smaller house with a young family, am sure somewhere else will come along given time.

Thanks everyone. You're really making me think we should pull out of the purchase. I just wish there was somewhere affordable to rent. Wouldn't it be nuts to lose a chunk of our cash on paying £1800+pcm to rent when we could stay in our house for £1200pcm and go back on the market when we found the right house?

Ah, thank you stokey, that's really helpful. You're probably right - we found our buyer very quickly and got the asking price for this place so perhaps we're being paranoid feeling we should hang on to her. It is a horrible business tho, letting people down. I don't think she'd be happy to wait.

I think "buyer's remorse" is a well known phenomenon.

For example:
"You loved your future home when you signed the contract to purchase it, but now you're not sure if you made the right decision. What if you acted too quickly and a better house comes on the market next week? What if you paid too much for the house? What if something happens to your finances and you can't make your house payments?
There are hundreds of questions that will run through your mind during the period leading up to closing, the day you actually become owner of the home. Most of the questions will be simple ones that are easily answered, but sometimes doubts creep in, making you uncertain if you want to proceed with the purchase. Unless there's a true reason for concern, your state of mind might simply be a case of Home Buyer's Remorse."
homebuying.about.com/cs/howtobuy/a/buyer_remorse.htm

"Wouldn't it be nuts to lose a chunk of our cash on paying £1800+pcm to rent when we could stay in our house for £1200pcm and go back on the market when we found the right house?"

It might look that way, but that's the value of renting - you wouldn't be in the same position again! i.e. finding a buyer and then the timing not being right in terms of what's available for you to buy. If you're in rented you can move whenever, subject to the loss of x amount of rent.

You sound like proceeding would be the wrong move you for. Having said that, I do think you should have thought through this properly some time ago rather than letting your buyer down - especially as they will have spent money by this stage (e.g. a survey, limited solicitor fees, so may lost £1k+

Offer your buyer the chance to wait. Say your new house has fallen through and so youhave to find somewhere else. Then she has the choice to pull out of your sale or hang around. Don't buy a house you don't want to, yo keep other people happy.

Well we were all set to move into the rental place before disaster struck, so we weren't misleading the buyer - she had already spent the money by then. It was either let her down back then or try to make it work, which was why we pushed ahead with this purchase, which seemed like the right move until now that it's just about to happen. We'll be losing over £3k ourselves if we pull out! Hence why we're so unsure. If only the new house was just a bit bigger...

Useful thought about the rent though. It probably would be worth it - if we can stump up the extra each month on top of the money we've lost, childcare, school fees etc.

Thanks oreo. We should do that rather than just pull out (if that's the direction we're headed), you're right. I guess she'd have to spend the time finding another property so she may as well wait for us, even if she's not happy about it.

I think rent - I have just been in almost exactly your situation

Buyers impatient, found a house that ticked boxes but we weren't excited

Exchanged on our flat and have had an offer accepted on a house that we ARE excited about and it feels very different

We need to go into rented to bridge the gap and to be honest if we ever move again I would do it this way, it's much much less stressful

Good luck

I've just seen that you are in S London - so are we. Anything decent is going in days ime and now is just the time that the good stuff is coming on the market. I would be quite confident that if you rent something good will come up and you will be in the best position possible to get it

When thinking about the cost of rent you also need to consider the amount of equity you have in your current house.

As an example, let's say renting appears to be £600pcm more expensive. Then say you have 200k equity in your current house. If that 200k is moved into savings and is earning 3% then it's paying you ~£500pcm in interest. Add in reduced maintenance for a rental place and it can be worse, break even, or be worse.
Really it depends on two things - how much equity you have, and whether you expect the prices of the houses you're looking for to go up, go down, or stay the same whilst you rent.

...and it can be worse, break even, or be better!

This is all really helpful, thanks - and heartening re. S London, Levantine.

yy, we have been looking for ages and I have noticed in the past few weeks that new and nice stuff is coming on, rather than the old overpriced dross. You really will be in prime position if you are in rental

We were in the same position as you two years ago, ie had pushy buyers but no where we wanted to buy. We bit the bullett and rented, i was terrified we wouldnt find anywhere we wanted to buy. About a month later a property came on the market that we loved and which we bought. We would not even have been allowed to view the property had we not been 'chain free', and in my experience being chain free gives you access to bargain properties that buyers with chains haven,t got a hope in hell of buying

That's a really heartening story, zippy. Am scouring the (v limited!) area for rentals that we might be able to stretch too. You're right - it's terrifying! But it's definitely worth sussing before we decide to make the final push - or not.

And when I look at these rental properties and they've got more living space, it does make wonder whether I'd be happy with the compromises on the new house. Not sure if this is a good thing or not. Grass is always greener etc.