Should I let my heart rule my head when chosing where to live?

[Naomhan]

This is my first time posting here. I currently have no children. My husband and I are thinking of buying our first property next year in London. The only problem is deciding where. I hoped Mums on this forum would be able to help because we are thinking about having children in the next few years.

We currently live in south west London in one of the cheaper areas. We have lived here for coming up to 4 years and I have lived in this part of London for more than a decade. Unfortunately, all we can afford at the minute here is a 2 bed flat - we could probably get a spacious upstairs one with a garden if we bargain hard or a dooer upper house at a push.

We love this area. There are lots of bars and restaurants that we like to go to and we have recently made lots of friends through meet up groups. There is also lots of parkland around for nice long walks and a real community feel.

The other area we are considering is on the complete opposite side of London. A friend has recently moved there and really recommends it. We could afford a two or three bed terraced house there. The other big advantage is it is on the north side of London so it would make it much easier for our parents who are based in the Midlands and the North to come to see us.

So the question is, do we choose a home based on our current circumstances or our future circumstances? We are in our early thirties and would both like to start trying for a family soon. However, while we are still without children we wouldn't want to live in a place where we felt cut off from our social life.

I'd be interested to know from parents on this forum which of the considerations above are important and which are not. There maybe things we haven't thought of, for example I recently read about a mum with young twins living in a first floor flat who had trouble with pushchair. She was one of these people who'd bought at the top of the housing boom and was trapped in a mortgage.

Unfortunately, staying put is not an option. We are renting a one bedroom flat and rents have surged since we moved in here so a larger rental would actually work out more expensive than a mortgage at current interest rates (we will have a large deposit).

Thanks in advance.

I'd say it depends on how long you're planning to wait before having children. We bought a house in a 'sensible' area that we weren't planning to live in long-term, and it was almost the permanence of buying that gave us the kick up the arse we needed to actually move to the area we did want to live in! We had moved within a year and have had no regrets.

I was in a similar position to you though as far as social life goes, and moving to a more family-oriented part of the country made it harder to make new friends at first, until I got pregnant. Even before the baby was born though, it had started to change and we met some lovely people at ante-natal classes (who I still see every week). So if you are planning to have children within the next year or so, I'd say it would be fairly easy to build a new support network in the new area. On the other hand, keeping in touch with old friends on the other side of the city will be twice as hard when you have a baby in tow!

We've just bought our first house in the new area, which is a pretty major fixer-upper. The theory at least, is that we'd rather make sure that we a nice family home in the area that we want, even if it starts off pretty grotty, than buy something 'for now' (again) knowing that we'll have to move in another 4 or 5 years. Ask me again this time next year when the house has collapsed and we're huddling in a very expensive hole in the ground taking comfort in the fact that it's near the good schools.

From your post though, I get the impression that you'd prefer to stay near to where you are at the moment. Are there any other ways that you could try and stay in the area you love while also having a family-sized house? Perhaps moving to a less expensive neighbourhood nearby? Re-thinking what you need in a home? If there is plenty of parkland in the area, maybe you could do without a garden to get more indoor space? Depending on how close your family is to London, would an hour or two extra crossing London really make a difference in how often you would see each other? Could you decrease your deposit slightly and increase the mortgage to keep some money back to spend on a fixer-upper?

Good luck whatever you decide :)

Thanks dobeesneeze. That's very good advice and I think you have worked out where my head is at. It is interesting hearing your experience of moving somewhere that is right for you in the long term and then realising that you really want to live somewhere else. Glad it worked out for you.

I recently know someone who moved to a huge house in a cheaper "family area" whilst trying to conceive and several years on are still trying conceive. Then I read about the women with twins, which made me think too.

Since posting I have worked out that in the grand scheme of things an extra hour or two for my parents won't make too much of a difference the amount of times they'd come down. As you say, in my heart I want to stay put. At least for now.

There is scope to move to a neighbouring borough where property is cheaper and we might get that elusive two or three bed house. And we are prepared to get our hands dirty too.

Thanks again for all your suggestions.

Unless you have some available babysitters i'd forget the lovely bars and restaurants althought the park with a baby would be good.

I'd speak in more detail to your friend about why they love the area. A family home in a more family orientated neighborhood sounds much better. But if you can't imagine living there......

You have to remember, the baby/babies will change your life. Not that you'll have no social life, but you'll want good nursery, schools, playgroups, mums groups etc on your doorstep through the baby years and beyond!