Falling out over a shed, this is ridiculous!

[Paintinmyhair]

We have a house, and it needs loads of cosmetic work doing to it. I have done about half so far, and am trying to ignore all that still needs doing (dp is not that way minded ). I like my house to be neat and cosy, so am biting my tongue at all the things that need doing, and refuse to moan and snipe, and have been doing well so far.
However, we have an odd neighbour next door. He wanders into our garden as there is no fence, just a wire running between the two gardens. It is our boundary, so I want to put a chainlink fence and a small hedge up. I don't want to shut him out completely, as he is a sweet old man, but I want my garden to be mine. Dp says no. Flatly no.

We also have a 65 year old (was built with the house) shed at the bottom of the garden. It is rotting, and all the planks are falling off every time you touch them. It is also massive - it runs the width of the garden and is 6ft deep. We are the only house with one as everyone else's fell down years ago. We need the storage though as use our bikes daily.

I want is to put a £40 chain link fence in and get a £250 shed. I know it is a lot of money, but it is money coming to me that I would be using, but as we share all our income dp has flatly flatly refused. I have been so careful not to tell him how sad the house makes me, but I hate living in a bombsite so much, and despair that if he doesn't see neighbours wandering into our garden and a rotting shed as things that may need dealing with I will never get a shower put in, or a wardrobe.

Am I justified in telling him that he needs to back down on this one, as I'm doing it anyway?

Hmmm. No I don't think you can tell him you're doing it anyway, if all your money is shared. On the other hand he can't just say no either. One of you has to convince the other one that they are right! (I know, easier said than done...)

What would he allocate the £290 to instead?
Are there things that he spends money on that you don't agree with?

It will get frittered on sandwiches for lunch instead of him making his own etc (I'm not allowed to make them the night before as they will be horrid by lunchtime, but I'm not making them in the morning!). it's only £5 a day, but it stacks up.

He is good with money, and not a horror, but is happy to live with things as they are. I am so fed up of having to come down to him all the time. When I am trying so hard not to get frustrated I feel like I should at least get some leeway.

I think you need to say that to him. Frankly, £5 a day is such a waste on sarnies!

Tell him it is not unreasonable, and it would make YOU happy.

And would it be an argument to say the shed is potentially dangerous? (I'm about to move into a house that has a rotting shed myself, and we won't be able to let my 2yo DS near it.)

Agree with music. If money's so tight that £290 for new fence and shed is a real issue, then spending £5 a day on lunch is really Not On. Can't he get up 5 minutes earlier in the morning to make his own sandwiches?

Either both of you get to spend (equal amounts) on things that you want but the other doesn't think is worth it, or neither of you do. Tis only fair.

How about taking the opportunity to look at your spending as a family more generally? And talk over whether you're allocating enough to the house repairs at the moment. I suspect you might not be, tbh.

Or could you allocate each other a certain amount of 'spends' every week, and you could put your spends to the shed, while he puts his spends to buying sandwiches and coffee?

You could also try asking on the MoneySavingExpert website - there might be some interesting views on how you're allocating your budget at the moment. It does seem rather odd to spend £25 / week on sandwiches for one person while feeling that a shed for the whole family is too expensive at £250.

Or you could ask your family for contributions to a fence and a shed for Christmas ;)

Or you could try my mum's approach, which is to say in a no nonsense tone of voice (Yorkshire accent for preference), "Well, that's all very well dear, but what needs doing needs doing." And then go out and buy the shed yourself.

Personally I'd take an axe to it and then say, Oh soz, forgot you didn't mind it.

If he has a veto over spending money on a fence and shed then surely you have a veto over him spending £5 a day on sandwiches? I'm a bloke and I've always managed to make my own sandwiches in the morning, although I have made them in the evening and they taste fine.

is this really about fences and sheds?

I would knock down the crumbling shed. I would cover the bikes with a bike sheet for n ow, and put the £290 towards a 6 ft high proper fence to stop the wanderings of sweet old men. Everyone from dh to lill ole man will adjust to the new set up eventually.