This time we're serious - commuting

[harrietthespook]

about at move outside of London. It would mean I had to spend one night a week in London though. I have two small DCs. Does anyone do this/has anyone done this? How difficult was it? Sustainable or not?

I used to do a weekly commute and spent two or three nights a week away from home. It was harder for dh than it was for me, frankly. Yes, sustainable.

We would be moving because of his job, but I need to stay employed. He really wants to leave London and I don't feel like I can keep saying no. I don't want to either, at this point, for various reasons. Happy to explore other options. It's a risk to me professionally to make such a move though, and I think he would see it as reasonable to take on some additional responsibilites.

It's more whether our quality of life would deteriorate rather than improve.

don't do it if it's a risk professionally, unless you don't really like your career anyway. If there's a danger you're going to be seen as less committed than people who live near their work, that could do you a lot of harm. And also there will be lots of people who will disapprove of you being away from your young children and you will get lots of comments about 'your poor dh, how does he cope?' and 'how can you do that, I bet you miss them every moment of the day' and other crap that is never said to men in that position. If you're very much up for it you can laugh all that off but if not it can become wearing.
It takes effort so it has to be something you positively want to do rather than a situation you feel forced into. And your dh has to be very much up for the extra childcare, and not the sort of person who will make a big deal about how much he has done when you're away and expect you to pay for it when you're there.

the me-time on your night in London will be lovely though. You can work late or go out with friends or sleep or anything!

How far out?

Sybil - I have said no for years and for various reasons our circumstances have changed and I'm now really into it. It's just a question of trying to make it work. I really want it to work, it's just a question of going into it with my eyes open and making sure I'm not deluded.

People already say that now - your poor DH he works so hard -etc. The sort of people who do say it, always will even if you work part time.

My job is unique in that I really could do it anywhere. The office is kind of face time, if you see what I mean. Another person in my office currently commutes and other people have done so in the past. There is a precedent.

We would still have an au pair (if one would agree to come work for us in the new location that is.)

Laurie - two hour journey to London.

it sounds do-able then. Having an au pair is a big help, I think - I had one for a while and dh really appreciated not having to cope alone with the kids.

sorry i don't really know, but can i just ask if you are a real spook?

DH's parents would also be local (well 45 min away door to door.) Big difference in terms of ability to access help.

concordia - God if only you knew! (How boring my life really is...!)

Bumping this for myself.