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Original poster

Anyone had to convince their children before moving house?

16 replies

nineyearoldsarerude · 07/04/2011 10:31

Mine (10 and 7) are adamant that they don't want to move. I REALLY want to move (into the city). BUT we don't HAVE to move. Is it fair to push it or should I just accept that we are not moving? Feel a bit trapped in that we will then be stuck here presumably for another 11 years!!

OP posts:
MarmadukeMarmalade · 07/04/2011 10:40

I would personally just tell them you are moving, I definitely wouldn't be asking them. We were in this position once and it basically boils down to "I'm the adult you're the child" the family does what the adults decide. Harsh, but my opinion.

compo · 07/04/2011 10:43

You're the adult so you're in charge
if you have to move than that's it

Original poster
nineyearoldsarerude · 07/04/2011 10:46

I know, I know-but that's just it-we DON'T have to move. I would just really really like to! If we had to move then I would have no problem telling them that but because it is a choice...

I think they would probably adjust fine after a while but if they didn't the guilt would kill me!

OP posts:
Driftwood999 · 07/04/2011 23:00

I think as others have suggested, you must do what you feel is right, with confidence for your family, based on adult judgements and perspective. If you involve the children in the decision making then that will give rise to unnecessary difficulties. If you want to move on a whim, then the children will sense that at be unsettled. Are you thinking of staying in the same area so your children will remain at their schools, or moving away?

DooinMeCleanin · 07/04/2011 23:05

Dd1 was 5 when we moved. She hated the idea of it. She cried for weeks. She hated the new house. She said it smelt 'wrong'. She hated her bed and her bedroom. She was depressed for weeks.

Then she made new friends. She loves living here. It took about 2 months for her to settle in properly.

noddyholder · 07/04/2011 23:12

Would they change schools?

Original poster
nineyearoldsarerude · 07/04/2011 23:17

They would have to change schools-that's the biggest problem. I think my youngest would find it easier. I don't want to torture them but feel tortured by my desire to move!

For us it would mean saving money/time on my husband's commute and more opportunities available for me (sahm at the moment).

OP posts:
Driftwood999 · 07/04/2011 23:44

So you have good reasons to move due to easier travel to work and increased ops for you. imho, do not involve the children! Have the confidence to make the decisions with your husband. Children can be a bit miserable as DooinMeCleanin says, and even a bit frightened, but they get over it and grow.

Original poster
nineyearoldsarerude · 07/04/2011 23:47

Thank you for agreeing with me! Still not sure if it's too selfish of me though. More sleepless nights...

OP posts:
Reveller · 09/04/2011 23:51

I agree with all of the above. Would your parents have given you a vote? I know mine wouldn't have done.

frenchfancy · 10/04/2011 12:35

I wouldn't necesarily give a 7 year old a say, but I think by 10 years old children should have some say in their destiny.

I'm all for bribes - if we move you could have a dog/horse/ballet lessons/new bike.

youngjoly · 10/04/2011 21:53

My DD was younger when we moved, but I distracted her by offering to throw a big leaving party when we moved (It was over the Easter break, so that did help!) but she was so wrapped up in the party that she didn't really think through the implications until we had moved. Could that help?

fridayschild · 10/04/2011 22:03

Can you give them a say by letting them help decorate their new bedrooms?

I agree with others, if you think it is best for the family then you are the adults and you go for it.

I have to confess I was given no say in my destiny aged 10 and nor did I expect one. My parents decided which school I would go to aged 11 and I went, and as far as I remember everyone else's parents did the same.

Ragwort · 10/04/2011 22:08

Totally agree that you, the adult, should decide and just put it forward in a positive way. I think parents these days tend to 'over think' too much and give children too many choices and decisions. You are the parents - you decide what is right for your family. Smile

Original poster
nineyearoldsarerude · 12/04/2011 21:39

i appreciate your thoughts and have been trying to think of a suitable bribe to make the ten year old feel better!

OP posts:
GrendelsMum · 13/04/2011 07:58

Well, it will be better for the 10 year old. Just think of all the arts and science opportunities for them in the middle of a city.

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