I don't like the house we bought. (long, sorry)

[lexxity]

Quick background, we sold our old house last april, moved in with the parents for a few months and due to various circumstances, it was six months and my baby was due very soon.

We found an empty house for sale and it was sort of in the location we wanted, we had one look at it and my DH immediately (as in at the viewing) put in and had an offer accepted.

I was just relived to be moving back into our own house, so wasn't looking at it objectively. Anyway, we've been in just over 2 months and I'm not happy here at all.

It's just the same house we sold really, slightly bigger, but it's not what I wanted at all.

The neighbours are ok ish, but one family used to live in this house, with her Mum, and spent all the first few weeks telling us exactly how it was when she lived here and how it was her house, etc, etc. Said person's daughter is a bloody pain, who is knocking on the door every five minutes and if I don't get to the door immediately (breastfeeding a very small baby) she is banging on the window, plus we don't think she is a suitable friend for our DS1. She is 3 years older and has tried to undress him, she is always telling lies and trying to get him to do stuff. We tried to jump on the friendship when we realized what had happened, but the daughter was still banging on the door ALL THE TIME! Literally the minute I closed the door after the school run. We spoke to the parent again about her daughter not coming round all the time and now they are making a point of ignoring us. Walking past and looking right at us and then turning away! (actually it suits us, but it's uncomfortable). One of the dogs got out of the front door the other day, barged past me as I was bringing the baby in and DH immediately went after it, caught it within minutes but one of the other neighbours came after the dog with a brush! We're not walking distance to school and the traffic is terrible and it stresses me out every morning. I'm not lonely as I'm still near my friends and see them regularly. I just don't feel like this is my house, it feels like we're just interlopers. I don't feel happy here AT ALL and I don't feel I made a rational decision buying it. I feel like we've gone sideways too which is not helping.

DH won't discuss it, just says I'm not moving again and walks off. Please tell me I'm not being daft or unreasonable.

Can you do some things to the house to alter it and make it feel like it's yours??

Sounds like it is mostly the location that is bothering you rather than the house itself.

How can you personalise the house? Redecorate?
New furntiure? Remodelling?

I thought we'd made a mistake buying this house.It had belonged to our neighbour's mother and for the first 6 months it didn't feel like my house at all and I was quite unhappy.However,as we renovated it,it began to feel like mine and now I can't imagine not living here and love it.

Ignore your neighbours,they sound like attention seekers,and if you can afford to,change the decor to your taste.After that it will seem 'yours' rather than someone elses.

I don't blame your husband for not wanting to move again and the problem with the neighbour's child has seemed to resolve itself (just not very amicably). When your baby is a bit bigger will the journey be easier on foot if your son cycles or scooters?

What is the garden like? In winter I imagine it is pretty grim but could you start planting perennials in the spring to make it really great for summer and feel you have a little haven?

I'm sure the neighbour who used to live there wasn't really saying that it was her house and you should restore it to the way it was, more of< "When we lived there such a room had green curtains... Because I grew up there, I still think of it as mine. " Start redecorating, knocking down walls or whatever you want to do.

What drew you to it initially? There must have been something. And, finally, I hope this doesn't sound patronising but could it be getting you down because you have a small baby and feel tired and emotional anyway?

We have this a bit with ours. The next door neighbour used to look after the lady who lived there (she had lived there since 1931) and he is VERY against us changing ANYTHING, as he decided on everything for the last 20 years, including when the windows got opened etc!! He yelled at us for wheeling the bins back to the wrong place, used to yell "mind the budlea" over the fence etc. So we have waited 6 months before doing anything to it, and I am now firmly telling him that it is our house, we live there, and we need to put our stamp on it, and it is making a huge difference to how I feel about the place. It will calm down over time, but doesn't really help how you feel about it now. Just make it yours bit by bit.

lalalonglegs has a good point about baby induced tiredness affecting how you view things.We moved with a 3 week old and a 21 month old and I'm sure that it added to the stresses of moving to such a doer-upper as we did,considerably.

You're not being daft or unreasonable. A new house with a young child and new baby is a pretty daunting challenge in itself, but it doesn't help that your neighbour seems pretty clueless and should herself have stopped the girl from bothering you.

What about doing something to the front of the house to make a clear visual signal that the house is now yours? It's the wrong time of year, I know, but maybe painting the door a very different colour? Or doing something noticeable to the front garden, if you have one? That might send a clue to the neighbour that the house is nothing to do with her any more, and possibly reinforce that message to her child.

Something like that might also help you feel that you're putting your stamp of ownership on the house.

To be honest I said yes to the house because I was so desperate to move and it was empty. We had the boy's rooms decorated immediately we moved in and I've ordered some curtains for the dining room, put pictures up etc. I'll give it a year and see how I feel then, my last two houses I felt were really "mine" immediately. Here I just feel, "meh". It doesn't need any remodelling really, too new and open plan and everything outside is UPVC so no painting can be done. I really wanted an older house too, whereas DH, not so much.

Maybe it is new baby, new house, DH new job tiredness.

It is really too far for DS1 to walk, in the morning especially, we'd have to leave superduper early.

Thanks all for your help.

I think waiting for a year and reviewing the situation is a good plan. You can spend the year making the house feel more like your own, which doesn't have to cost a lot - do some planting in the garden, paint a couple of rooms, put up family photos. It does sound as if your house actually has quite a lot going for it, and you might also feel differently in the spring when everywhere looks better, and when your baby is a bit older. I wouldn't rush to move again so soon - unsettling for the children, and expensive for you!

I like hugglymugly's idea of doing something to the front of your home eg getting some big pots with plants/small trees in, which you can re-plant or move at a later date, but for now it would be relatively inexpensive, won't take long to do, but gives an immediate effect of your family stamping your mark! something like that may help you feel like you're got more control over your surroundings.

Also, if you're not doing it already, which you are probably are(!), get more friends/family popping over - their excitement at your new home may be contagious for you!! And it may be a distraction from your annoying neighbours, and also another sign to them, should they happen to see comings/goings on at your home, that this really is YOUR home.

Good luck with it all, 2 months is a very short amount of time really, and you have two little ones to care for, so tiredness never helps! We moved in August last year with a 4 year and 1 year old and we're exhausted and still learning about our house, and moving bits of furniture around!! Best wishes :)

I agree with the suggestion of putting potted plants by your front door, perhaps changing the numbers on the front of the house / door to a different style and other small touches to take ownership of the house.

I have been in my new house for 5 months now and it still does not feel like 'mine'. I think these things take time.

Let me know how you get on, I hope you settle soon

Update!

It's back on the market. The neighbour situation has got worse. We feel under house arrest thanks to her. Everytime, and I mean everytime, my DS1 goes out to play she's there trying to drag him off to play in secret. She actually managed to get him away on sunday and he came back saying that she was showing him how to break into a garage! I can't turn my back for a microsecond. We keep finding random bits of rubbish shoved on the doorstep and the Grandmother has taken to blocking us on the road whenever she is in front of us at the trafficlights from hell. (Quite common, anyone who knows Mottram knows the junction I mean.) Quite by coincidence I got chatting to another Mum at baby massage today who is related to said strange family and she told me how bonkers and odd they were and how they had caused another family member to move away. Without me mentioning what we had put up with. Fingers crossed we sell soon.

Hope you sell quickly lexxity!

Aww sorry to hear that. Neighbours can make a huge difference. When we moved in here I thought we'd moved into a nice friendly street. I now realise that the street is full of ignorant people who think its ok for their kids to damage other peoples property & cars playing with hard balls in the street outside my house, despite the fact that there is a huge recreation ground a few minutes walk away. I certainly wont miss those arseholes!

We have also had trouble at school with my special needs child being told by a so called friend to steal stuff from us so they could buy stuff together from the school book fair. Her parents refuse to put any blame on their little bastard angel & have not returned any of the money their child stole. I cant wait to leave here, which is a shame because its generally a very lovely area with nice people, weve just been unlucky.

Hope we both get a buyer soon.

no decision is irreversible. we bought a house, then moved out just over a year later with a young baby, lost loads of money and lived in rented for five years, but still glad i didnn't stay ther. neighbours were a nightmare too. you might not be able to move out right away, but just keep the house nice, enjoy your baby and remember that it's not forever. tell your neighbours to poo off too. life is too short to be worrying about offending morons

oh i've just seen you are selling - good for you

Good luck Lexxity. I am in a similar position but my dh refuses to move because of the current state of the housing market and we would probably lose about £40k. But it does my head in, if I was single it would be on the market tomorrow.

I hope everything works out for you.

I hope it all works out for you.

I grew up in Charlesworth so know the crossroads you are describing !

Thanks all and good luck Sparkle. We're willing to take a bit of a hit on the price because there are cheaper properties (that need work, but we can do that) in the area we want to move to. Between here and Charlesworth.

Poor you! I hated my house, which we bought 1.9 years ago, with a passion - I guess due to loads of revealed problems with the house and loads of spent money to remedy things. I wanted to move out as soon as I moved in, just couldn't afford the moving costs.
As time has passed, I somehow accepted the house as it was an ill relative, which needed constant care. We got to know the house's issues, what has to be fixed in the future, but at least I don't hate it anymore. I am OK with it, it's livable and will serve us until we can afford to move to somewhere proper else, not just anywhere else.
Our neighbours are not very pleasant, but not so bothering as yours though. A neighbour from the left parks his motorbike in front of my house on the pavement. The pavement is public so I can't really say anything but it is do annoying. A neighbour from the right has her house in a terrible state, causing us water leaks and costing money to fix, and could go up to the courtroom. But on the other side, everyone who has seen my house, loved it, just said it needs a bit of work. Soo... we staying here for now, and hoping to move in the next 10 years....

dear lexxity i realise this is a very old thread but i wd really love to know if u did move sounds awful what u had to put up with we have moved to herne bay and cant settle shd be perfect bung by the sea etc except my 14 yr old is constantly bullied at schl my hubbys retired and bored and i miss all my family neighbours dont really talk except one side and they are in late 70s not being mean but i am 55. wd apreciate advice too. x