Moving away from friends and family even though its only 20 miles away!

[mumtorobbie]

Help!

My DP and I are at loggerheads over where to move to.

I have lived in the Upminster area (essex) pretty much all my life and like the fact its commutable into London and the schools are good plus most of my friends live round here too.

My DP is from Hertfordshire and doesn't like the area at all. After having our son last year we decided to move as we need more space but we can't agree where to move to.

I want to stay here or not move more than 10 miles away whereas he wants to move to the coast (Leigh on sea in particular) as he feels the quality of life is better.

My argument is that our friends and my family are close by and the commute into London is only 30 minutes. I currently work in the Southend area so it would make sense for us to move closer and I just wonder if we should take the plunge and see what happens.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is a minor niggle but we've been talking about this for so long we keep going round in circles and not making any decisions.

Has anyone just taken the plunge and moved away from friends and family and it's worked out for you?

We've relocated four times, always hundreds of miles from the last place, but the difference was that they were all due to DH being promoted, so no real choice in the matter.

The advantage is that it kind of forces you to make new friends wherever you happen to pitch up and is actually quite fun.

If you're only talking 20 miles/30 mins drive, I really don't think you need to fret!

I know! I'm being an idiot. My DP says I'd worry if I didn;t have anything to worry about. Need to get out of my comfort zone I think.

My parents moved away from our home town when I was in my mid 30s - we remained near my DH's family and friends but then we moved ourselves when we were in our 40s (didn't have child until after we'd moved) - we were over 150 miles from DH's family and 300 miles from mine. Never a serious problem - it would have been nice for our DS to have more contact with his grandparents and cousins but we soon made a new circle of friends. I think there can be a real danger in being 'too close' (both physically and emotionally to your family - it doesn't always give you a chance to bond as a new family).

At least I never had any horrendous MIL issues .

Seriously - are you only talking about 20 miles ???

I am now 40 miles from sister and family - I think that is close !

I commute 30 miles each way per day and don't think twice about it! My parents, though, clock up about 80 miles a month on their car

I know, I know. I'm being a total wuss.

I know in the long run that the move is the best for us and our family and I suppose if the worst comes to the worst we'll move again. It's not like we're tied to the place.

I drive that distance every day anyway and on a good day it only takes 30 minutes!

I moved country and now have the Channel between my family and I. I used to live about 10 minutes drive from my Mum when she retired and moved near us, but for much of the time it was 180 miles from her and mil.

Don't stress, it's not far.

mumtorobbie - we're thinking of a very similar move. I grew up in Rainham/Romford and are in the process (or not after today's latest bit of bad news!) of moving to Benfleet.

It isn't actually that far, we've visited the area a good few times, at different times as well to get an idea of the drive, but when you're used to an area, it's hard to think of being anywhere else. At times I wonder is it worth us going there if I'll constantly be driving back to see my Mum and sisters anyway?!