How should a private school manage violent classroom meltdowns safely?

[WishINeverPlantedMint]

(Name changed as sensitive).

Year 3, independent prep school. A boy in my child's class has ADHD/autism. He struggles with impulse control and has (what my child calls) 'meltdowns'. During these periods, he screams/cries/throws objects & chairs and has at least once physically assaulted another child. He does not have a 1-to-1 TA.

How should the school manage this situation, and what can I expect in terms of keeping my child safe and not disrupting their learning?

I want to have all my thoughts in good order before speaking to the school.

In my opinion, send him home and get his parents to deal with him.

Sorry but the safety of the other children and teacher far outweigh the right of one out of control child.

They might be paying fees, but so are the other parents and nobody should be putting up with that.

Keep the focus on your child. The school will not discuss another child with you.
Focus on the disruption and safety element to your child

I imagine that since it’s a private school that the school won’t have him there much longer if other parents complain as they have to have their eye on the bottom line and I wouldn’t be paying for my child to potentially be injured by a flying chair or have their lesson interrupted by this. Mine are at state school and we put up with it because we have no choice but if I was paying for it I would vote with my feet on this one if nothing proactive was being done,

OP, how often does this happen? In secondary, in such a situation, the classroom would be cleared until the child having a meltdown could be safely moved - at which point parents would be called in and he’d be sent home. Throwing objects and chairs endangers the rest of the class and the teacher - your DC and the others in the class have a right to a safe teaching environment. If this child can’t regulate himself to this extent, it sounds as though this isn’t the right school for him.

In private schools they are usually asked to leave pretty quickly

Same as all schools. Theres nothing different they should be doing because they are private.

First thing they should do is evacuate the room.

Then once the other children are out of harms way they can focus on keeping him safe until someone comes to collect him.

If they are able to safely move him to a quiet space then they should do that. My son's school had a dedicated room for him. Well, little more than a cupboard really. With beanbag and a weighted blanket. If they could get him in there he was able to calm down while he waited for me.

Yes suspend him from the school, you don't pay to have your child assaulted and their learning disrupted. Ask for part of your fees back as compensation, that child's problems are not yours or your sons or even the school's if it's a private school. His parents need to pay for a special school that can cope with his behaviour. Unfortunately state schools don't have the same ability to remove disruptive pupils, it's ridiculous that one child can disrupt the education of a number of other children these days.

I have an autistic 9 year old in an independent school: he has never been violent during a meltdown - the worst case scenario is that he hides under a desk/screams in frustration/tries to leave the classroom to go and stomp around the playground.

We were told that we could either withdraw him from the school, or pay additional costs for him to have a 1 to 1 TA with him at all times so that the school can safely remove him from the classroom when necessary and he does not disrupt anybody else’s education.

Honestly that is very tough on us, and we’re making financial sacrifices to pay the school fees and also pay for a TA - but it’s totally the right decision and a fair decision for the rest of the pupils. I know that if we stop paying for the TA he can’t stay at the school.

That’s the minimum I would expect to happen for a boy who is being violent/aggressive in the classroom.

For info - there was another autistic child briefly in the school who was violent - the school put an extra teacher in with him for two weeks to see if the situation could be managed/improved, and then he was asked to leave. It’s very common for private schools to simply refuse to teach children whose behaviour is challenging.

This.

My friend's son has autism. He was n a very high performing and selective private school. They paid an additional cost of a 1:1 TA. However, their son was overwhelmed by the setting and regularly had meltdowns. As far as I'm aware he never hurt another child but he caused a lot of disruption to the class.

He started there in Y5 and was asked to leave within a few months after complaints from other parents.

My friend and husband moved him to a very small, non selective private school where he did much better. He seemed a lot happier there.

Yes I’m realistic about the fact that if enough other parents complained about my son he’d simply have to leave, even if we can pay for a 1 to 1.

There’s a reality that a lot of kids are in private school precisely because the parents are worried about behavior and disruption in their state options, and they don’t expect to have these issues in the private sector.

I know the school can't talk to me about that other child - nor would I ask them to. But I do want to understand what the protocols are for dealing with a situation like this (I believe they are almost daily, not rare) and what I should ask for in terms of advocating for my child.

I do feel for the child's family; managing a child like theirs must be immensely difficult, and of course, their child deserves an education. I am not going to go in all guns blazing, but want to stress-test my thoughts to ensure any discussion I have with the school is fair, balanced, and not based on my motherly emotions.

If I were in your position, I'd be asking the school exactly what measures are in place to keep all children safe during these incidents and how they balance that with supporting the child who is struggling. It is possible to have compassion for a child experiencing meltdowns whilst also wanting a safe learning environment for everyone else. I've read some useful discussions through ADHD Certify about how schools can support neurodivergent pupils proactively, but it's entirely reasonable for you to seek clarity about your own child's safety and wellbeing.

@CornishCornetto the worst case scenario is that he hides under a desk/screams in frustration/tries to leave the classroom to go and stomp around the playground.

Doesn’t that still disturb the other children, even though he has a 1:TA?

@6ate9 yes of course it would - that’s why he has a 1 to 1 TA. When he is upset he can behave in ways that are disruptive (but not violent). Having a TA reduces the chances of him getting upset, plus at the first sign of upset she can whisk him out of the classroom. We haven’t had any disruptive incidents since she was appointed. Now if she sees he is getting stressed (he has giveaway stims he only does when stressed) they just leave the room. That’s maybe a very small disruption/interruption for other kids but that feels like a reasonable compromise so that he can also have an education.

@CornishCornetto Thanks for replying. Your son’s TA sounds very good!! I hope your son continues to have a good education.

Thank you @6ate9 this TA is wonderful!