Surbiton High School / Sutton High School & SEMH support

[overcaffeinated]

Does anyone have any recent experience of what the mental health / wellbeing support is like in either of these two senior schools?

We are currently researching senior schools for our autistic DD, who is academically very able. Our prep has recommended that we try for the likes of GHS / WHS etc, however our DD requires a lot of scaffolding to cope with her daily anxiety / rejection sensitivity / demand avoidance / uniform struggles, so I am nervous about putting her in a highly selective / pressured environment, as I don't feel that she would be a good fit for her. At the same, we recognise that her current friendship group are also very academic and she thrives when she is around like minded girls, and is bored (and frustrated) when she isn't.

We are able to easily commute to both Surbiton HS and Sutton HS, so are keen to hear if anyone knows how flexible they are with reasonable adjustments etc. Thank you!

Mum knows best - you know where she should go 100% / rather than the prep head that wants to tick the school prepped your child and put her on the destination list of x school.

Reasonable adjustments - might be better to try for an EHCP then all her needs could be listed. Although if there is a large % of demand avoidance on a daily basis maybe the school will not want to make the adjustments (yes they should by equality law but it takes an understanding head to allow the changes at an independent). Generally, they just want easy children and cash aka bums on the seats (unfortunately). Make sure you have an in depth conversation with the senco / head as if your child doesn’t fit it’s catch 22 where they won’t flex the rules and the child can’t cope so it ends up termination of the contact. Before you sign your child up can the school meet those needs and flex for your child.

Surbiton is quite busy / lots of children / noise / movement will she cope? Maybe look at the larger more country vibe girls schools where there will be more space / less noise around here which will make transitions easier.

Hopefully she has some friends moving to the same schools - ASD and change doesn’t always mix well.

Also, does your child want to work naturally? As if she doesn’t don’t put her in the selective schools as she will hate it (however if she thrives on work it will prob work / weekly tests etc).

Good luck!

Which is more important for her to thrive? Being with like-minded and academically stretched? Or in a school that can accommodate her anxiety around the things you mentioned. Sutton High have an excellent SEN department and would 100% be able to accommodate your DD on those points but their cohort is very mixed and her friends might not be as academic as she is. Surbiton is very busy and large…. WHS might not be a bad option tbh. They are small (4 forms) and she’ll be with likeminded, academic girls. Book a meeting with their SEN team? What about a school that isn’t a “city school” like those you have mentioned? Reed’s will take girls from 2027 and from what I hear from my friend group, their boys are thriving in their very supportive and nurturing environment. It’s also fairly small in year 7-8. What about St John’s? Very good SEN department.

Does she like sport, music or drama? Find a school that supports her extra-curriculars?
Book some open mornings at various schools and see for yourself.

Sutton seemed lovely and very personal when we looked round it. It has to compete with grammars so needs to offer things the grammars aren’t so known for - suspect this includes good SEN and MH support. It isn’t as academic true but there will be a decent cohort of academic girls there.

Surbiton I only know for being large and very sporty! Doesn’t seem the best fit but admittedly I don’t know it well.

Agree look at WHS unless it’s too far.

I would personally avoid all-girls schools for senior school in general, though I would especially steer clear of Sutton high school. We kept my daughter there after a brilliant time in the prep school, however the senior school was very different. Many of the staff and students were really nasty and it was a very toxic environment, with a lot of the pastoral staff being very mean and very dismissive. At the beginning of year seven parents were given a book about what to expect with friendships at this age and told to expect a lot of friendship difficulties (which already felt a bit weird) but when they found out a parent shared the book with their daughter they apparently told said parent that the book was actually not supposed to be shown to the children at all. They also pride themselves on being kind, having a zero-tolerance policy for bullying and creating an environment where the girls feel safe, however my daughter felt it was everything but. My daughter was consistently bullied throughout the two years she was there by both staff and students and upon visiting her head of year was told it was “just puberty” and completely normal. The teachers seemed to care more about her low attendance and low grades than the thing causing those things. The food and general management of the dining hall is also abysmal, with some students having to spend all eighty minutes of lunch queueing only to be left with five minutes to eat and some skipping lunch entirely (not to mention the fact that pack lunches are not allowed). The portions are tiny and my daughter (who struggles a lot with food texture due to neurodivergence) would barely eat anything all day. The lunch staff are also pretty horrid according to stories from my daughter and her friends, with some lunch staff denying girls who do not practice Islam food during Ramadan just because they look Muslim. I have also heard many stories of things from hair to full shards of plastic being found in the food though when the girls try to complain they are often gaslit into believing there’s nothing and that they’re imagining it. Another issue I have is that once the girls reach senior school they are barely allowed to use the pool which is a major part of what they advertise, with each KS3 form only being given half a term in the pool unless they are part of an extracurricular involving the pool. Otherwise, the pool is rented out to other schools. One of our major issues was with safeguarding and risk assessment with my daughter getting heatstroke at multiple sports days as well as having a severe allergic reaction getting called “probably nothing” by a member of staff when she asked to go to the nurse. All these things left my daughter depressed and suicidal, though when we brought up these concerns with the head she became very defensive and hostile. Thankfully we have now been able to move our daughter into a co-ed state school which we have found a much better experience, though Sutton high has left my daughter traumatised and she now suffers from severe anxiety.

@RealGoldCatsorry to hear your daughter has had such hardship. It feels even worse when it’s a fee-paying school where you are paying so that your child has the best experience.

SHS has created a brand of being a kind and pastoral school - it’s surprising that they are doing very little to sustain this. They already have falling numbers due to VAT.

It’s not always guaranteed that private is the best for neurodivergent children. They need more than just classroom and exam access arrangements which private schools don’t seem to recognise.

I’m glad you’ve removed her and I hope she has a good experience at her new school. after my own DC experience I’ve come to the conclusion that happiness and self esteem is more important than grades.