Recommendations for a nurturing co-ed private school for an AuDHD Year 5 child (Haslemere)

[WhereForeArtt]

My daughter is in Year 5, we live on the Surrey / Hampshire / Sussex border (Haslemere). She is very bright, AuDHD, which manifests in social challenges. She does not need help with school work or learning support, she just needs a gentle and understanding environment.

Given all the closures in this area (The Royal, Longacre), can someone recommend a good, nurturing school that is suitable for a child with SEN? It also needs to be financially secure. We want co-ed only. So far we’ve been recommended:

St Edmund’s
Frensham Heights
Seaford
Kingswood House (I think Epsom is too far)
Ditcham Park
Prior’s Field (We don’t want single sex)

Can anyone provide insight into these schools, or recommend one personally that they know fits the criteria?

Thanks so much!!!

Are you looking at senior schools (Year 7) or to start sooner? I think the schools suggested in your post sound sensible, including Priors Field, which was the school that first sprung to my mind as the best fit though obviously not coed and only starts in Year 7 whereas the others have junior years attached.

Your best bet will be to visit them all and see what feels right for you and your daughter. Good luck with your search.

I’d be a little careful on Priors Field. I know there have been redundancies and pupil numbers are very low in places. It otherwise would’ve been a good option.

I hear great things about Seaford and also Bede’s although may be too far.

Don't completely rule out academic schools if your DD is coping well academically. I know girls who thrive in academic schools with lots of opportunity to pursue interests, find their like-minded crowd and are well supported pastorally. I am thinking of a friend’s DD who loved GHS and matches your DD’s description.

Thanks, I am not really considering Priors Field because of the single sex aspect. Do you know much about the other schools I’ve mentioned?

I’m not sure about a super academic school as she does not do well under pressure.

Year 7, I am really not keen on the all girls aspect - most of the women in our family have been to single sex schools and all experienced issues with bullying and general cattiness.

Do you know much about the other schools I’ve mentioned? Are they well regarded?

Longacre is closing so I’d strike that one off your list

Hmmmm, not sure coed schools are immune from cattiness amongst girls either, but respect your opinion. Certainly the highly academic girls schools do lend themselves to perfectionist, competitive types which may well not suit your daughter. I know you don’t want all girls options, but Tormead is highly regarded for pastoral care, I believe, and Priors Field does suit those wanting a gentler environment and I know a number of girls who are very happy there.

i don’t know Kingswood at all, it is out of my patch, all the others are good schools for the right pupil, although I have no experience of the autism side of SEN. My gut instinct is that Seaford probably suits a more robust child - although their SEN provision is great, it is a school with a lot of sporty alpha types.

Ditcham Park and St Eds would both be good options, I think, and Frensham if your daughter is self motivated academically and could cope with the more relaxed style of the school which may or may not suit her particular profile. I would visit them all, both on your own and with your daughter, and see what you think. They will all have assessments but they are interested in the whole child and whether they are the right fit for the school rather than it being all about academics.

Definitely be open with them about your child’s specific challenges, as there is nothing worse than finding the school can’t support your child once you’ve started, but also stress their positive qualities too. Most independent schools love a child that will join in and take advantages of all the extra curricular opportunities they provide. If you are coming from a state primary, your current school will probably not provide such an in depth reference as a prep school would - I think this is where prep applicants have an advantage.

OP if your daughter doesn’t do well under pressure it’s a bit tricky for a senior school. Are you coming from a state school as there is quite a big gap.

I’ve found the most understanding schools are the girls schools. Co Ed really not understanding especially th strong minded boys (I do have boys too experienced both co Ed and girls).

My friend has a girl in FH likes it but doesn’t like the commute but there is a coach. I’d consider Tormead (I haven’t got a girl there) but lots of daughters friends in Tormead school with mild sen / dyslexia etc.
and talk very highly of the school.

All these private schools have drama nights etc where you are expected to pick up / drop off bear that in mind plus sport Saturdays.

Is it because you have a boy too and trying to match both children? Co Ed’s I have experienced have been 100% less nurturing compared to the girls schools.

What about St T? (Although that group seems a bit of a joke at the minute especially the brand logo) but the girls school seems very small.

Good luck!

I have girls of a similar nature at two girls schools in the guildford area. We have never experienced bullying or cattiness at either, having also had boys in co ed my experience is that the girls schools definitely are more supportive and championing of ND girls and help them to achieve their best. I wouldn’t rule out all girls especiallly for audhd girls. Priorsfield in my opinion excels for audhd girls and is fantastic in so many ways. Although we were reticent at the start it has been amazing and brought out the absolute best in our daughter.

I would also suggest looking at Prior’s Field. It’s a much smaller school than the others but we have been very impressed with their individual offering.

From a mixed perspective, try St Ed’s but I don’t like it doesn’t have a Sixth Form and you often find the girls are smaller in numbers due to the high number of good girls’ schools in the area. I’d avoid King Ed’s with their recent behaviour. Ditcham Park may work from Haslemere but the journey is a nightmare!! Hope that helps.

St T and FH are good too but they are very far away!
Good luck!

Agree with Wellnowtheresathing, and would take Seaford out of the running as not being the right environment you are looking for.

Would you agree that the others mentioned are good options? Which are generally regarded as SEN friendly?

St Teresa's is very sen friendly but single sex- have friends with autistic girls who send them there and the pastoral care is amazing.

Thank you, I really appreciate the recommendation but I am not looking for single sex at this time.

St Edmund’s staff have no interest in girls with AuADHD in the senior school: we have good friends and the school continually denied their child’s diagnosed AUDHDH needs despite CAMHS involvement and were adamant she had solely mental health needs requiring Prozac. This is not a school that considers that for some young people there are environmental and situational adjustments in the day to day that are within the school’s control: the school did to our friends everything they could (including false allegations against family members) to force them to remove their child. Their child is doing ok now but no thanks to this school and it’s size and “family” PR belies how it sees young people who find school tricky.

So sorry, that sounds absolutely dreadful.

Thank you - I’d certainly not suggest St Edmund’s for AuADHD older girls - there is an embedded dismissiveness or refusal to accept how it presents in older girls (even after the first diagnosis written report of our friends child said from every teacher “loss of focus” despite knowing exactly what the underlying need was! I know they are said to be good with AuADHD boys though- it presents so differently and from other friends they don’t seem to mind boys having these needs.

Unfortunately having spoken to local parents and teachers about St Ed’s, they’ve reported the same across the board ie. not SEN friendly in totality. It’s one I’ve now taken off my list.

I have no personal experience of it but I know several people who sent their children to Frensham Heights and, without exception, everyone was very happy with it.

I have a friend whose sons are at Churchers. They’re very different boys, one sporty and NT, one into computers and ND with PDA and she says they have leapt to provide assistance. Things like break out rooms, he also has a card he can show if he’s feeling overwhelmed. She also says there are heaps of slightly nerdy boys there so he’s been folded into a group very nicely.
Don’t know what it’s like for girls but she’s been very impressed.

We're currently moving out the area but did a lot of research.... my DD has severe ADHD, responds well to medication, but tough outside of the daytime. We looked at a number of schools, including talking to parents we know at them.

We did consider St Theresa's, as it was logistically good for us, plus DS could do Cranmore, but under the bonnet there are seemingly huge issues, staff problems, merger issues, parent concerns about how its being run, small numbers in the upcoming year 7 (i heard 30) and eventually decided against it.

We did look at priors field, briefly, but attended their open day and there was basically no one there, it seems lovely, and would probably suit your DD (and mine) well, but I wouldn't be surprised if it isnt around for a lot longer. The estate looked so tired and ive heard they also have a small year 7, maybe 20 or so, for september.

Longacre would have been a great choice, but very sad it is closing!!

Don't know Seaford.

Frensham Heights is supposed be be very good, easy going and chilled, but not sure about their sen provision as it was to far away to consider.

In the end we were considering Tormead, very impressed from start to finish, it seems a happy and academic place, without the guildford dinner table 'my child goes to ghs/rgs, where does yours go?' conversation starter. Which piss3s me off indecently... so glad to be leaving Surrey! 😂 But I think from your demographic is might be too far away?

Not sure about St Cats, they seem to have changed tack a bit and might be worth a look? Once considered the no.2 academic school in the area, no one really talks about it any more. But ive heard the new head is good and has recognised that, and their focus on pastoral care etc has improved.

Good luck and I hope you find the perfect place. Weve had a rough ride with our DD, shes been a legend, but we've seen the hard side of crap schools who dpnt understand or care, so wouldn't wish this decision on anyone. God speed!

Thanks for your detailed reply.

We’ve actually taken quite a few off the list since posting this and hearing the opinions of local families. We’re going to look at Frensham, Ditcham and Bedales (heard great things locally about it). Frensham and Bedales are quite alternative I think, so it will be very interesting to look at them.

Bedales has quite a reputation... buyer beware!

Go on…?

Might be worth having a conversation with Churcher's too - be open about her profile and see what they say. Either join year 6 juniors (they have expanded so may have space) or take the assessment for seniors. It's academically selective but not like the top Guildford schools, more mixed intake and a very encouraging environment - far more merit awards on offer than detentions. There are homework tasks and tests to keep up with so depends on focus, attitude to buckling down to things at home etc. Have seen assistance with emotional disregulation and social anxiety dealt with kindly at the junior school and anxious child nurtured and encouraged at seniors.

I’m not going to bother with St Ed’s - I’ve heard too many negative things about the SEN support and their attitude towards SEN students.