London preps for bright but non-sporty child

[Organizedchaos29]

First time poster, long time lurker. So apologies in advance if the post is too long.

I'm a mum to an extremely bright 8-year old boy. He loves trains, basic coding, math and spellings but absolutely hates football and hockey. As you can tell, he's definitely not sporty but he's doing very well in all other areas of school.

DS goes to a prep school that has loads of great stuff - loads of opportunities for kids like him to shine, diverse after-school clubs, kind and encouraging staff etc.

What we didn't realise is that the school is most well-known for its sports programme. Kids from all over the country move to this school for its swimming, hockey and cricket programme. So naturally the sports curriculum is intense! They have PE lessons for about 2hrs a day, thrice a week.

My son is one of two boys who aren't good enough to make any of the teams. He doesn't care that he's not part of the team and says he's happy to just do his best but what we're worried about is how it might affect him as he grows up. A few other boys have already told him he's terrible at football, and he obviously gets picked last for sports. We've been encouraging him to take part in these lessons and hoping character building and resilience are some of the positive outcomes.

My husband's new job is in London and we now have the opportunity to move in the next year. I guess what I would love to know from you lovely mums is

If you have had a similar experience to ours, how has it affected your child? Has the bullying gotten worse as they grow older or did it build resilience? We are terrified that this might chip away at his confidence and lead to mental health issues later on.

Any suggestions for a prep school in and around London that doesn't focus too much on sports but has a more balanced curriculum where the less sporty but academic kind can thrive?

Thanks in advance!

I think it is already affecting him - "hating" sport is quite strong language, and he is only 8. I was bad at team sports but didn't start "hating" PE until secondary school, also coincidental with being picked last / second last in PE lessons. Is there a way to focus on individual sports?

If he and you really like the school in other respects, perhaps you could talk about PE to the school? I think I read that it is now considered bad practice to allow pupils to pick teams and that teachers should pick teams, not pupils. I'm not sure where I read it - I will try to find a link for you.

That wouldn't change the fact that he is not sporty but it would take away some of the humiliation, at least.

https://www.sciencenorway.no/children-and-youth-health-psychology/should-children-be-allowed-to-choose-teams-in-gym-class/1578143#:~:text=Professor%20Marie%2DLisbet%20Amundsen%20in,It's%20the%20teacher's%20responsibility.

In SW London, our DS went to Prospect House School in Putney. It’s non-selective, with a range of abilities. Every child gets to play on a sports team and fixtures regardless of ability during Games. They also offer pathways in art, music, computing and sport for those who have high potential in the specific area. There’s a range of clubs each term so most children can find something tha interests them. They do a lot of prep for the 11+ and you can see the schools where children have received offers from on their website. It’s a small school where kindness, aspiration and community spirit are important.

I’m in SW London and I would say none of the preps round here focus on sports to that extent - they can’t really due to space limitations! There are sporty kids of course, how many varies year to year, but they are doing most of their sport at out of school clubs. There are also plenty of non sporty kids. DC’s school has started a programme where the less team sports oriented kids can do cycling at a local track instead during games lessons.

In or around London is pretty vague. Any preference on areas at all that suit your /your husband's commute?

Sorry that you had to go through that in your secondary school and thank you for the link.
It makes so much sense to choose the groups in advance.

They aren't allowed to play another sport instead, but the teachers do try their best to include kids like mine in the matches.

My concern is the teasing that might come up from the other kids as they grow older. If you don't mind me asking, how damaging was/is that experience for you as an adult? Did it teach you resilience at all?

@minipie that idea that they can play another sport instead sounds perfect for kids like mine. What school do your kids go to? Thanks 🙂

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

20-30 mins by train from Central London is the outer limit.

@lndmum23 Thank you for this. We've put it on our list and we're slowly working our way through them.

The school the boys go to right now is also one that places a lot of emphasis on being kind and courteous and the Head truly models the behaviour. From what you say, Prospect House seems similar. We'll definitely be writing to them soon.

Which direction from central London? What station would your DH need to come in to?

His office is walkable from Waterloo. Any direction is fine. We aren't tied to anything else apart from being under ~30min train ride from Central London

@Organizedchaos29 There wasn't much teasing about PE outside of PE for me and not really beyond year 7, but it may be different for boys. To be honest, I think "resilience" is just another word for "good social support network". If he has that, public humiliation may affect him less. It may still lead to a fear of being judged by his peers but it is hard to say, not all children are alike.

Waterloo suggests SW London is where you should be looking.

Try Surbiton Boys Prep, Surbiton is on a fast line to Waterloo. It has limited out door space so less sporty than other preps like Shrewsbury House etc.

There are plenty of schools that will field a range of sports teams and/or different events. Swimming, football and hockey aren’t the be all and end all. I’ve got a friend whose child hated team sports with a passion but he’s got good at cross country.

I think you can tell a lot about a school if they’re fielding E-G teams or just A and Bs. I moved a child to a prep who has never played one of the team sports and was super behind compared to the rest. She started out in the E team and has had loads of encouragement to improve and has gradually moved up a few teams. I’ve been really pleased with how much attention the D and Es have had and the opportunities to play against the right level.

We're looking for schools that do this. A few schools that we've been talking to have told us similar things to what you've mentioned. It would be great to add your school to the list, if you're happy to share? Thanks!