Child’s confidence at school

[Ohmydays35]

I am feeling really worried about my child’s confidence at school. She is bright as a button and has always done really well at school before - she’s seven and now in year 3. She’s not performed very well in their first round of English exams and so has been invited to do multiple early morning booster sessions (private school) even though her teacher said not to worry as she’s totally where she should be in class and clearly loves learning. She’s never been great at spelling but she’s summer born so still catching up there a bit I think…

I can’t help but feel doing these booster sessions is going to make her feel she’s crap at English- she already likes to joke “I’m not the one who’s good at English in this family” as we’re quite a bookish family and her older brother won an English competition last year. She’s a sensitive child who really takes things to heart and I don’t see how I can sell these boosters to her without them reinforcing this (wrong) view that she’s rubbish at this subject. It feels like it might embed something harmful really early on. (Separately I had her tested for dyslexia recently just in case because of the spelling and she doesn’t have it and in fact has a reading age of 10 and really good comprehension!)

Separately but contributing to my worry about her confidence, literally ALL her best friends except for her have just been chosen for a sports quad when she thought she was quite good (she is - not far behind them but not quite as good). So she’s already feeling left out and rubbish about that.

Feeling a bit lost and sad and not sure how best to help. She’s so little to start putting herself in good and bad brackets!

She is good. Just by being herself.
That is separate to any academic, sporting, or musical achievement.
By trying to naturally protect her from feelings you think are negative, you are undermining her chance to build her own resilience.
If the school offers booster sessions, model resilience and talk about when you needed support as a child, and as an adult. It’s no big deal, everyone needs help from time to time.
How did you react to your son winning the competition? I hope they both know you are just as proud of them for everyday kindness, helpfulness and acts of sharing, as you are about a competition.
Winning and being the best are not goals that can sustain emotional wellbeing throughout life.
Resourcefulness, empathy, reliability, collaboration, and generosity, these are great skills for life.
And if the school doesn’t recognise this and only focuses on academic attainment, perhaps a different environment is needed.

One of my DDs went to a private school and left feeling like an also-ran when in fact she is just great.
Private schools have lots of advantages for sure but insilling confidence in average ... or even above average ... children is not always one of them. If you are not in the Nat Youth Orchestra your musical skills pale into insignificance ...