Non-selective Primary asking for references

[tabbycatcuddles]

Hi, private schools are a bit of an unknown to me, but I have a 7yo who is massively unhappy at a state primary. We toured a non-selective private school last week and they have asked for our child's school report as well as school contact details before the application. I thought they might be asked as a part of the application process but not before. DH thinks this might be because our child is ND and they worry about provisions or how she would fit in. I wonder if they are trying to fob us off thinking our child is not a good match. Just wondered how that might work with other people's experiences? Do private schools turn away ND kids easier? Academically she does well but finds large groups unsettling and sometimes has meltdowns as a result.

IME all private schools want a reference, to understand the child’s educational level & needs and whether there are behavioural issues. For us that was as part of the application process, not before making an application.

There are plenty of ND children at private schools so I wouldn’t be put off, just supply the info they’ve asked for.

If they don’t want to accept your ND daughter or don’t think they can reasonably meet her social & emotional needs then it’s not the right school for her anyway.

When we moved from state to private they wanted to talk to the old school and all the school reports they had sent us in the year. (moved for the start of year one so only at the old school a year.)

We missed having a trial day as too close to the summer holidays when we applied.

It is part of their application process and more so because of the SEND. If he is going to move successfully you need a supportive school. Non selective does not mean they take everyone.

Thanks - yeah I assume they can choose, so I'm assuming they might choose a NT child over a ND child. Although I also assume that private primaries in London aren't doing as well as before with falling students numbers so not sure how selective they can afford to be

And just a clarify that what confused me was that they asked for the current school reference BEFORE asking us to fill an application form

Did you tell the school when you first approached them that your DS was ND and what sort of environment and support, if any, you were hoping to get from the school if they accepted him? We went from state primary to private secondary and from the outset when I was first looking at school options I contacted each one and asked if they could successfully support at moderately dyslexic child with audio processing challenges and attached a copy of their dyslexia assessment and diagnosis. It was a quick and easy way of sifting out the schools that wouldn't support my DC and saved a lot of time and hassle. All those that said yes, they subsequently asked for school reports and contacted the primary for references once I had submitted an application. I think it's really important to be honest and upfront about what it is you hope the school will do for your child - more than one option may be a good idea? As a pp has said, although not "selective" they'll still be assessing whether your child is a "good fit" for the school. Good luck, I hope you do find the right school for them, the change in my DC has been everything we hoped for.

I agree with @Pigsmightfly31 . Have you told the school that your child is ND? It’s not fair on the school or your child for them to take a child they can’t provide with the relevant support. When I was looking at schools for my ND child I found a phone call or face to face chat got much more transparency than anything else- off the record most schools will
tell you if they can support your child and as a parent I was grateful that they were up front and honest so nobody wasted any time (or money).
I think it’s a good sign that they have asked for your school reports up front - it means if they can’t support you, then you wont have wasted an application fee!

We had to provide DD's last report when we transferred her to private.

We were told it was to make sure they had space in the appropriate class for her.

The Head Master looked at her performance against predicted grades and chatted to her about general stuff like favourite and least favourite subjects.

Im sure he looked at behaviour but my DD had no issues there.

We were fully transparent about her learning difficulties and he told us what the school would be able to offer support wise.

We were offered a place two days later and it was the best move we ever made.