Day Pupil at a Boarding School?

[CityVsCountry]

DD is sitting her secondary (11+ exams) right now and we plan to go day. However, she has very much liked the atmosphere at a few of the boarding schools Wycombe Abbey/Downe/St Marys Ascot. I know they each take a handful to a bit more of day pupils a year (we would move to where the respective school is). However, does anyone have any experience with their DD or otherwise being a day pupil at a predominately boarding school? Do they feel left out? Any other pros and cons?

What does child want? If you moved there and paid all that stamp duty then they changed mind and wanted to board, would you be annoyed and could you afford it? What’s the fee difference?
i remember looking at being a day pupil at Westminster 6th form and my mum saying with the cost of food and tube fair and the exhausting commute I might be better off boarding then coming home as boarding wasn’t very expensive in comparison to day fees, which were might higher than the say school I was at

I was for a year. Didn't bother me in slightest. Could ad hoc board for shows but I didn't. Education was naff though as predominantly lessons were spent teaching english not the actual subject

She wants to do day, price is not a deciding factor at the moment.

Lots do at Oundle and love it. The split is 80 full and 20 day. I personally regret not being day especially for sixth form where you’re allowed to drive and don’t need to rely on mum managing the rhythm of your social life around her ability to drive you (and willingness). There’s just so much more going on at boarding schools that your education is so rich but you get to go home. It’s also fab having friends from around the UK in the holidays. Felt like I had got to really know the UK by the time I left Oundle.

To manage expectations:

1. be prepared for daily drop offs. Social time on Saturday, choir on Sunday. And with talks etc can run late.

2. be prepared for dc to want to board or stay at school as much as possible. At Oundle day students normally want to be around friends so much they stay after sport on a Saturday to stay for club nights in the senior or junior club. Not sure what parents in question think to pick up at 11pm but there we go, all part of the fun of having kids I guess aha. I’m sure ditto those schools

3. some say there is an us and them feel between day and boarders at boarding schools; my experience at Oundle was that wasn’t driven by boarders or school but how much socialising parents allowed kids to do and it wasn’t really noticeable at all. I’m sure too at Wycombe etc there’ll be some uhnw children who might seem a bit intimidatingly wealthy (but all my Wycombe friends are lovely and share a commonality of being capable and smart and don’t suffer with snobbery)

My DH and Wycombe friends whether day or boarding loved their time. Wycombe is more type A, Downe house are more wild and fun. I d personally send my daughter to SMAS of the three though. My cousins loved SMAS but that’s boarding (but the ethos there produces truly lovely girls who although capable, aren’t sharp elbowed at all) and are great in social settings and work environments alike.

good luck

I’ve never known any day pupil at a predominantly boarding school who didn’t eventually beg to be a boarder …

I think that’s maybe a bit far but those who moved to boarding at Oundle normally just had so many boarding friends the parents thought why not. I lived 20 mins away and besides a sibling who was day at Oundle the rest of us boarded. That can also work well if you want to hang out and see your child but they want the social rhythm of boarding (I loved it) but appreciate the fee differences will be stark.

I definitely never begged to board nor stay late that often beyond weekly choir which I'm sure was mandatory

I wouldn’t do it because I don’t agree with boarding, and it would be very easy for a child to be taken in by the superficial attraction of her friends’ lives.

I was a day girl in a boarding school many years ago. To be honest, it wasn't great. No matter how friendly days girls were, it was tricky to compete with the depth of friendships the boarders developed with each other as they spent so much time together. The day girls tended to all hang out together but there weren't that many of us.

I was grateful every single day I wasn't a Boarder and most of my friends who were would have happily swapped places with me.

It can definitely work, but bear in mind that a day pupil at a boarding school is likely to have long days and weekend commitments. They have to fit in with the boarding ethos. To get the most out of a school like that, they should get involved with as much as possible. Day pupils with lots of boarding friends tend to be the ones who get involved in lots of things (music/sport etc).

Yes - be prepared that it is different to day school. 8am -4pm is not what you will be looking at and more 8-7pm during the week or even 1030pm if a play is on, Saturday school, Saturday social events so pick up at 11pm, even choir on Sunday and Sunday events/trips/house shout.

Some parents don’t mind but I’m just managing your expectations.

Didn’t work for our ds. It felt like a “two tier system” with day pupils definitely second place, although I suppose it’s understandable that boarders take priority. He also hated Saturday school with a passion! We moved him to a day school and he was immediately so much happier.

CurlewKate · Yesterday 13:57
I wouldn’t do it because I don’t agree with boarding, and it would be very easy for a child to be taken in by the superficial attraction of her friends’ lives

Taken in in what way?

My DD is another that left unhappily.
Agree with @MissyB1 -a lot depends on how they mix/integrate.

In DD's case she was the first on the coach in the morning and last off at the end.
She ended up feeling like she had no benefits to being a day girl.
Too tired and late for family life and left school just as the fun was beginning.

It just did not work for her at all.

Many years ago I was a day girl at a mainly boarding school and it was a bit crap, to be honest - the boarders could go up to their dorms at break etc but the day girls weren’t allowed up there so we just had to go to the common room but my friends were mainly boarders (the day girls were a right bunch of nouveau riche snobs).

So, I wouldn’t recommend.

“Taken in” to believe that it’s all fun and games and Enid Blyton.

My opinion is consistent with most of the responses on here: it really depends on the specific school, the student and the family. If possible, ask to take a tour with a current day girl.

Things to look at/consider:
-How is the house system set up and how do day students fit in (this can be different for different years in a given school too)
-Consider the length of the days and weeks. Then consider it some more. Ask about both the mandatory parts as well as the parts many or most day students attend. Factor in the distance from school and whether they'll be able to travel alone, especially after dark.
-Unless money is no object, find out what is included in day fees vs an extra cost.
-Find out how many day students start boarding as they move up the school. If boarding is not an option for your family be cautious about letting your DD start at a school where this is a common move.

If I was going to consider letting my child be one of a few day students and/or a day student where day students are sprinkled into boarding houses I would want them to be able to join for breakfast and/or supper and evening and weekend activities regularly, and I would want that to be something they were looking forward to. Otherwise I would choose a school with more of a mix of students and where either day students have their own houses or the house system is not as central.

As mentioned above, Oundle is an example of a school where I wouldn't worry about having a day student because day students have their own houses instead of being part-timers in boarding houses. They have their own house staff and tutors, own dining and study spaces, own house teams, etc. And 20% of such a large school creates a fairly sizeable day cohort.

I know a few girls (sisters) who started at St. Mary's as day students and integrated well but a big part of that integration is the girls being there for very long days and large portion of the weekends. The small size and lower emphasis on houses seem to help as well. However, most day pupils do convert to boarding as they move up the school (especially unsurprising since their 6th form boarding is rather fab), so I still don't know that I would send a DD there if boarding later isn't an option for your family.

WA would not be my choice for a day student.

I don't have a current impression of Downe - I know they've expanded their day offering in recent years but it's still a small percent of a medium-sized school which would make me hesitate.