Private or State - working class background

[Re435]

Debating moving house to an area with better state secondary schools or staying where we are and look at private school.

My lo starts primary school at a state school. For the primary years it makes sense as the school has a good academic track record. However the secondary school in our area is poor. Both in terms of ofsed (improvement required) and what other parents with teenager's have said. There is another state secondary school in the next town they could get the bus too. The other option is private school.

The private school is locally well regarded. The opportunities it offers would be better than either school in terms of extra curricular activities, sports and their approach to education.

We are in a very fortunate position to even be able to think about private school as we would be able to afford it. However when I have mentioned it to family they have said private school isn’t for us. I’m from a working class family.

So I’m concerned that if we did decide to make the switch to private school at some point they wouldn’t fit in due to our background. Also to be able to comfortably afford private we probably wouldn’t move house and I prefer driving a small car. On the flip side are my family just turning their noses up for no good reason.

If you’re from a working class background have you sent your child/children to private school? What was their experience like?

Yes we do. State primary and indy secondary. I'm MC background but DH is WC ie from ex-mining village, family of miners, 1st person to go to Uni or leave the village.
Unless your looking at Eton etc you will find most indy schools are broad church and kids come from variety of backgrounds.
We are probably one of lowest income families at DDs school but there has never, ever been any hint of us "not fitting in". DD has friends whose parents are; farmers, a chef, landed gentry, military, solicitors etc. It teaches her to get along with everyone irrespective of background and not to have the huge inferiority complex that DH does.

I was dragged up on a council estate, one parent family. DH comes from mining stock, admittedly one generation removed.
DS went to state primary and Indy secondary. Never had any problems, got invited to everything, still in touch with his mates from school.
Some parents were loaded, others weren’t, wasn’t an issue ( everyone looks much the same at the side of the sports pitch in the pissing down rain)

@twistyizzy around 20% of pupils at Eton receive some level of bursary; it’s woven into the ethos of the school - so literally anyone (knowledgeable, organised, optimistic parents with a clever son anyway) can apply and know that if they get a place they’ll be as respected as any other family with a child there.

So all the occupations you list are also represented amongst the families. And I know or am related to pupils there whose parents could never have considered moving to a more expensive area for a better state school.

Best not to assume!

A good state school is worth its weight in gold.
I really wanted private, especially for secondary but it just wasn’t feasible. I’ve moved my DC to a great school, where they have so many opportunities (which I personally think are better than some of the very expensive private schools my family/friends go to but the behaviour and state schools can be horrifying, I suspect it’s better in private schools)

I know they do, fully aware of demographics but remains that majority of parents using Eton can afford the fees hence will be higher earners

Unfortunately not everyone lives near a good state 😕

What do your family mean by it isn’t for you? They sound jealous. Personally I would only consider private school if you have enough money left over for other stuff.

it doesn’t matter if you’re from a working class family originally, sounds likes you aren’t WC anymore and they are finding that difficult to deal with.

For what it’s worth I’m “working class.”

My offspring went to a good girls’ public school.

One time long ago we asked her “what is the best gift we’ve ever given you?” Without a moments thought she responded “my education!”

If you can afford it, do it.

Oh @Re435 forgot to add. WC M-I-L was dead against us sending DD to an independent school but after coming to the Festival of 9, where DD is in the choir, + a few other events she now boasts to everyone about having a grandchild in that school 🙄

My DD went to a private 6th form after an excellent state school. A careers adviser suggested she apply for a music scholarship, which she did. I was happy to be able to afford the school for her, and she thrived. I had concerns (I am MC) that what I have tried to teach her about relative privilege would be trampled on in the presence of people wealthier than us. Fortunately, I was wrong. In addition, I now really understand why people pay - small class sizes, lack of disruption, and emphasis on values (the school is Christian). So if you can afford it, go for it. Your child has as much right as any other child whose parents can afford it to take their place there.

It really depends on the school tbh as some have quite different intakes & some are much cheaper than the others. The only thing I would say is look for current experience. It's quite a different experience today vs 10 plus years ago.