Starting new prep - not gelling with other parents?

[Anteater8]

Hi all,

We have recently moved from NE London to SW London for our child to start school. She had the settling in afternoon and we have been left a bit befuddled and want to know if this is normal (she is our first child so first experience of this!).

The EFYS and reception teachers who we met during the tour last year have all changed and we didn't get an opportunity to meet the new ones (beyond a cursory hello to the new teacher). The parents WhatsApp has been set up with all class reps already being chosen from those who attended the attached nursery, which makes for quite a cliquey start in the group, and some of the messages from said reps are coming across as bossy, like the rest of us are expected to fall into line, and we are not looking forward to this being the parents we will be with for the next seven years. Also not sure if the type of person is simply representative of the SW London area we have moved into.

We are a bit unsettled, and not sure to what extent the above is all normal and basically we need to give our heads a wobble versus maybe checking out where else has space for reception this September.

Any experiences are very welcome!

We seem to struggle to get anyone to be class reps🤣. I've been class rep this year and our card most definitely said from the whole class, I would never single out the children whose parents didn't contribute for whatever reason.

OP, my eldest is in lower sixth form so in 12 years I've never known a brand new parent to be class rep🤷. It's just how it is.

Ime it’s hugely helpful for class reps to have some experience of the school and how it works. New parents trying to get to grips with things are not usually that helpful. I think you might have misunderstood the role a bit. They are not there to represent the parents of the class like a local councillor. In the schools I have experience of, they distribute information, organise parent volunteers and class collections, and answer queries on the class WhatsApp about kit, equipment and who needs to be where when people forget or the school communications haven’t been wholly clear. Some years they have also organised informal parent social events.

Most years our reps have been brilliant. Really helpful and giving up a huge amount of their time to help out.

You may find that parents organise children get togethers through the whatsapp group, or there may be a separate group for such. Your rep will know if this is the case, IME it would be very unusual if there werent a few group days out or parties over the summer, or bookings into days camps etc. (must admit to not being particularly fond of any of my DCs class reps, but they did a great job, one which I would have hated!)

Hi I’m rep for three years, for 2 kids class and in SW London. It’s a volunteer job and most of rep are busy working parent. We normally don’t help new kids joining class, only when teacher asked for. (Some SEND kids needed) If you think your kids or yourself need help, PM rep I’m sure you will get some help. You prob over thinking too much, and if your class don’t have 3 reps, you can volunteer yourself as reps, I’m sure you will be welcome and it will help for settle in school.

What exactly is a ‘class rep’ I seem to have escaped this 🤣. Surely you can put your name forward for y1 onwards?

What exactly is a ‘class rep’ I seem to have escaped this 🤣. Surely you can put your name forward for y1 onwards?

WhatsApp groups are not the real world and they are not real life. Take them with a pinch of salt and use for information only. Go to the school, meet the other parents, talk to them in person, give it some time and then see how you feel. And yes, as others have mentioned, it's more about your child than you.

Don’t bring up north London or make any comparisons and you’ll be fine
all schools have cliques,freaks and the mother superiors. Just waft and don’t get embroiled in any drama

This thread seems to be missing the main issue - which is that you’ve moved your child to a prep whose destination schools and academic ethos do not align with what you want for your child.

Maybe things are different in London - but out in the country the whole point of choosing a particular (traditional) prep school is that they will prepare your child for entry to particular senior schools. Not just academically but in terms of ethos and culture.

So I’m puzzled as to why you chose this school, @Anteater8? It’s likely that a good deal of focus - amongst the parents too - will be on scholastic aspirations. So you now have years and years to look forward to when you and consequently your child will be out of step with the general thrust of the institution.

You’re over thinking.

With 4 DC I’ve now completed 50+ total school years and honestly thank my lucky stars for the bossy school reps. The emails distilling reams of school comms into a couple of punchy instructions are perfect.

I’ve made great life long friends through school, equally there are parents who I couldn’t pick out in a line up. It’s a mixed bag but ultimately it’s about ensuring your DC has the best education and experience. Not you

Parents in any school setting are basically a randomly selected group with only the fact that their children go to the same school as the common denominator. You will be extremely fortunate to make genuine connections with a handful of people throughout your child’s school career.

Additionally you will frequently have to deal with staff turnover: why wouldn’t skilled ambitious people want to move on in their career?

You need to give your head a wobble, join in where you can and don’t expect too much

I was class rep for reception and it's a really bloody thankless task, everyone thinks you are bossy because they don't understand yet what is involved. I'd cut them some slack, you will find friends eventually

I have a reception age child in a Surrey prep school and we have two class reps.

The class reps always come from the pre existing parents. This is decided in July before the end of the school year so that they can organise a social event for the children and parents, add and welcome new parents to the group and impart knowledge about the school.

If the class reps were new to the school, they would have no idea of how the school works, common problems and would struggle to answer lots of the questions without saying .. let me just check with the teacher.

Being a class rep is a rubbish job, I’ve done it twice now, and often you get little thanks for the time and effort you put into helping make other people’s lives easier.

If you are really keen, you can always volunteer to be a rep for year one.

It is also very early in the school year to be writing all of the parents off. Unfortunately, the school you have chosen had a preschool- the one we use does too. I have known other parents there for two years - we are welcoming to new parents but I am not going to pretend that I don’t know the other parents. It isn’t cliquey - it’s just the choice we made for preschool. Reception is my child’s third year at this school and our fifth in total. I think you’re a little unreasonable to suggest it’s cliquey because people already know each other.

Have you attended new parent coffee mornings? Made an effort to talk to people? Attended birthday parties if there have been any? I find that parents get out what they put in. It’s also very early days for you so don’t write them off. You may find your next BFF amongst the parents!

I hope your child is enjoying school and the school experience improves for you soon

(I say all this with kindness - written down it can sometimes look harsher than intended).