How far is too far to travel daily?

[OneDayIWillLearn]

Two independent schools which are similar distance from us (one 39 min drive, one 42 min drive). They both have buses but it would be a 15 min drive to the nearest stop and then an hour on a minibus.

I went to an independent school for sixth form which was a journey like that (an hour on the bus) and loved it, but my mum was adamant that journey was too much for a younger child.

We’d be looking at that from year 7 or year 9. Too far?? What’s the most you consider reasonable for your own ‘school run’ drive or for your child to spend on a school bus at that age?

Depends on what hours the school day is, some independent run later (ending at 4:30) and what after school activities are there and do the minibuses run after those etc. if they do football club, ending at 5:45, do the minibuses run then or at 4:30?

So, how long will their day be.

Might be out of house by 7 and not home until 6 or 7. When would they do homework? See friends? What happens if traffic is bad and the bus is delayed coming home.

I suppose it depends what the alternative is but it does sound far to me. I had a journey of about 35 minutes on a school bus to a (private) school when I was growing up (staring year 4) and I don't have great memories of the journey. I'd normally feel travel sick and/or get headaches, and later on the bus was a bit of a bullying hotspot. (Then when I was a bit older I had loads of after school clubs that meant my parents had to come and pick me up which was a faff for them.)
On the other hand, I did love the school so I suppose it was worth it in the end.

Is there an option for boarding if the school day is long. Lots of these school let you board Mon-Thurs or if they're doing a club 2 nights,board then or something?

Are the schools you are looking at all just day schools or do any of them have boarders?

Among the schools we seriously considered was one that would have been a 10 min drive and an hour on the bus, and I admit I had a few qualms about that but the key reason it stayed on our list as a favourite was because there was an option for ad-hoc flexi boarding nights any time the journey felt like too much. In the end we went for a closer school.

I think whether it's too far depends very much on the child, how gregarious they are and how well they gel with the bus cohort. If their experience is of an hour spent chatting with friends before and after each school day that's great. If it's an hour of feeling bored, travel sick, and excluded from the banter of the rowdy peers around you who you don't get on with, that would be hell.

DH did that sort of journey to school, he had almost no local friends as kids were from all over the place. Consider that.

The alternative is a local state school (it’s a genuine comprehensive which nearly all the local kids go to). That is the default option and most local parents seem happy with it but it had a bad Ofsted out of the blue just before Christmas, and I slightly worry anyway about my son coping in such a big school. He doesn’t generally enjoy school very much at the best of times and can be quite shy.

Or there is a very small independent which is much nearer but I’m not sure that would really suit my son either - assuming it survives financially!

I can’t remember the school end time- I’ll look again - but we’d need to leave the house at 7.30 for the bus. I wouldn’t mind driving to pick up from the school a couple of times a week for clubs etc, but couldn’t do that drive both times every day. It’s not really a very traffic prone route but of course delays can still happen.

Thanks for the thoughts, very helpful!

Yes they both have flexi-boarding

Our kids have nearly an hour’s bus drive into school - as we live rurally and that’s how far away the nearest secondary schools are (only 30 mins by car because the school bus needs to stop off for other kids takes time) . But all their friends do similar in different directions so they’re in the same situation as everyone else who doesn’t live in town.

The school I went to for sixth form had pupils from all around the county so yes friends were often quite far away. But on the plus side I’m still close friends with many of them twenty years on!

But yes that is something I’ve thought about, it would be much easier if he did have local friends (though even the local school has a wide catchment area so a friend from there could be quite a way away….)

We live in London and both my DC had long journeys to school. they took it in their stride and used to meet up with friends on the way. Grand daughter is at private school and has to catch the coach at 7.30 (from age 7) and has always enjoyed the independence. All three children I mention had friends from far and wide but it didn’t stop them meeting up - usually somewhere central to the group.

One of my DC goes to secondary school that’s a 35 min drive away, or a 15 min train ride combined with a 10 min car ride and a 30 min walk between school and the station. They’ve managed fine. On train days, they get home at around 6pm and leave in the morning at 7:30am.

Are you going t be the one doing the driving? The fact that there is no way there without someone driving would pit me off because you are going to have to factor that in to your own day for years.

yes or my husband (well plus school bus, but there is a 15 min drive to that too)

How often do you do that drive yourself vs them going on the train? There is actually a short drive plus train plus walk option that might work for one of the schools, I hadn’t thought of that 🧐

My dc leaves home at 7:30am and gets home at 5:30pm. The school day starts at 8:30am and finishes 3:30pm but buses depart at 4:45pm due to after school clubs. We are only a 20 minute drive away. It’s a long old day, as dc then have a lot of homework too. So, they tend not to have much time for themselves in the week.

I had a 10 min drive to the station, 30 mins on the train then a 30 min walk to school.

It was fine. I didn't love the early start but I did love the school. I did homework on the train or chatted to the small group of other students who did the same trip.

Thank you for the replies, it is really helpful to get perspectives from other people as I tend to go round in circles in my own head about things like this.

I think for now I’m thinking we don’t need to rule those options out based on the journey length alone, and it’s worth doing some more research about the schools and to think hard about how good the fit would
be for my son.

Then we can also see how things develop with the local school.

But I am reassured that we can at least think of them as options, it feels good to have options!

It varies depending on my work commitments. Some weeks they’re on the train all week, others I drop them off and/ or pick them up 2-3 days.

My son is in year 8. We drive him 10 mins to a bus stop at 7:20. The school coach takes 60 mins in the morning as it stops multiple times. Takes 35 mins by car in the middle of the day.

He finishes at 4:15 and gets back at 5 then we pick up . Actually the hour on the bus is fine.

He listens to a podcast or reads/ starts homework / chats. I think he quite likes the time to himself .

The downside is that things like sports matches at the weekend are further away, so are friends houses and I’m not keen to go to midweek evening events at the school , but actually by secondary school as a parent you are not that involved.

So it’s very doable . I don’t regret the choice we made

Is there no way of using public transport to get there?

My Dcs went to private schools. Their journey was relatively short, but many of their friends lived further out. A lot of the social meet ups at weekends and during hte holidays were in the town centre near where the school was as they could all get there from all over by public transport.

I would be wary of a school with no accessible areas nearby for socialising. It's not so bad having to be driven by your Mum to meet mates in Y7, it's not so cool by Y10. It's lso a pain to have to keep doing it!

There is also the issue of needing to be at school when the school bus doesn't run - Parents evening, concerts, Saturday sports matches, plays, special events like careers evenings or special talks, extra sports trainings etc

No not really, we are quite rural so there’s always going to be an element of driving them around. It’s what I grew up with too so it’s normal for me at least!

The local school is still a bus ride but it’s more convenient as the bus passes the end of our road and is only 25 mins (it’s a 20 min drive if you go direct). But it has a big catchment area - we are far from the furthest away - so it would be luck of the draw if they did happen to end up with all their friends very nearby even at that school.

The (state) school I went to for Y7-Y11 was similar, we were pretty close to it but friends were spread around the surrounding villages in an area with not much of a bus service. The independent school I went to afterwards had children from all over the county so it was more extreme in terms of spread….but I suppose similar in that there was a fair amount of getting lifts/ sleeping over at friends etc. I don’t remember particularly minding that as everyone was in the same boat, and my parents were good natured about lifts.

Still, there’s no getting away from the fact a 20 minute drive results in a much shorter round trip than a 40 minute drive!!

Which school do they fancy going to?

He’s still a bit young (we are a couple of years off Y7 still) but I will definitely take his views into account when it comes to it. I wouldn’t force a school on him. At this point I’m mostly trying to work out what are the viable options from our point of view, so I can give him options that are realistic…