If you moved from state to private…

[Stuckbetweenarockandarock]

When did you make the move and why?

DS in state primary, lovely school but not really being pushed and challenged, not a little Einstein or anything but definitely bright and needing more. Can private school offer that?

Cost is also a concern, we can only afford it if we are both working which makes me worried in case one of us lost our jobs we wouldn’t be able to afford it.

Exactly the same situation as us and FYI after Yr 7 and now part way through Yr 8 we KNOW we made the right decision!

I think this depends on how selective a private school is. In my opinion the earlier you can get in the easier it is.

Our DS moved from local state primary in yr 3 to a small local independent school in yr 4 in September 2023, in order to become a cathedral chorister. We were very happy with his state school, and wouldn't have considered him moving if it hadn't been for the musical opportunity.

He really is thriving in his independent school though, in a way that I hadn't realised he needed, but am so grateful we've found.

The small class sizes make a big difference in a lot of ways. There's more opportunity for teachers to stretch him lots where he has strengths, but also to support him where he was struggling a bit. It also means the teachers know all their pupils really well, and relationships are very strong - the school has a very caring and nurturing ethos.

I also think with more time and smaller classes (and no SATs to prepare for) that the teaching is very creative which he finds engaging, and there's space in the timetable for a really broad curriculum and lots of arts, sport etc. It's hard to explain, but it also just feels a lot less rigid - maybe the teachers feel they have a bit more freedom to go with the flow. For example, DS has mentioned a half hour class discussion developing from a question someone asked, which obviously wasn't on the lesson plan, but the teacher spotted the opportunity and felt able to follow the class's lead. I can't imagine that happening in his old school.

The last thing I'd say is significantly different for us is that his school genuinely celebrates individuality and quirkiness, which has helped our DS overcome feelings of 'not fitting in' and become a lot more confident in his own skin.

But as others have said, not all schools are the same whether state or independent - this just happens to be a good fit for our DS, by lucky coincidence!

Good luck whatever decision you make.

NRTFT, so apologies if I've missed anything. I have one DC (DD) in y10 state and one DC (DS) in y7 private, both from state primary.

Chose private for DS because our state comp is quite draconian, and I think focuses on punishment for trivial matters rather than looking at the bigger picture. The classes are also quite big. DC2 is dyslexic and in the past has suffered with low confidence due to falling behind in the bigger classes. He's also incredibly disorganised and would likely have been on permanent detention for forgetting kit or whatever. Our DD is doing brilliantly at the state school, but is very conscientious, self motivated and an academic high flyer. I think she will attend the same private school as DS for a-levels should she wish to do so.

There are several private schools in our small city, but the one DS attends is a Quaker school, which has a nurturing feel, relatively relaxed approach and culture built on Quaker principles. We aren't Quakers, similarly to many of the families there, but like the ethos. So far, it's been a good move for him. If that school hadn't been available, we'd have stuck with the state school I think, as the other much more competitive private school wouldn't have suited him I think.

I can only speak as someone who’s gone through it myself as a child, went from state primary to private secondary. I did well in both to be fair, but secondary is way different to primary which I can why so many parents do exactly the same thing for their DC’s. Upside was sports for around 4 hours minimum per week. I thrived on this as I was good at sports, but for the less sporty kid maybe this wouldn’t be a good idea. I can’t actually remember doing any actual sport at primary, just something to do with wearing plimsoles and throwing bean bags around…

The downsides were the fact that there were the have and have nots, give that there’s the obvious elephant in the room of familial wealth. I was from an average professional working parent family, but I had friends who had SAHM’s and a dad who obviously earned millions. There was a noticeable difference in our experience of the world. The other downside was the academic focus and not enough holistic or creative emphasis. I think my old school may well have changed though since the noughties in terms of the culture give that they will have had to diversify given that less people will be able to afford the fees.

I also would have never considered private for my eldest, but here we are, and this would be for prep.

My DD was very bright and her Year 5 teacher said they couldn’t stretch her any further because she’d already covered the whole primary curriculum, including the curriculum for the most able. She thrived at a ‘good’ state secondary, state sixth form, achieved the highest possible grades, went to Oxbridge and graduated with a First. I couldn’t see any benefit in her going to a private school.

A few years later I took a very substantial pay cut to work in a private school after over two decades in state. I gave my notice in after 6 months. The teachers are all trained via the same route, so the only advantage I could see was smaller class sizes. The standard of teaching was no better.

One child moved from state primary to independent secondary at normal point because state secondaries are not so good here and DC need pushing.

One child moved from state primary (really good one, no complaints when other children went through to Y6) to independent prep at start of Y4 because he is really bright, needed pushing, and needed a fresh start socially. He has absolutely flourished since the move. Not easy to find an u expected extra three years of fees though!

State primary to private primary. Couldn't get into our local school and second choice school fraught with difficulties including a monumentally shite y2 teacher (sacked) and four changes of head in as many years. Private primary was a delight. Mainly families like mine escaping shite inner city school. Went to private secondary. Not sure I would do so again though kids have loved it. Sixth form a bit of a waste of money but kids also loved it. I think they would have been fine anywhere.

Same as all of this, although in our case the independent school is also a shorter cycle than either of our catchment schools.

Kids are in years most of the way through now and absolutely flourishing and it was the perfect decision for both.

Honestly don't bother for primary though. It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference, apart from the better sports and wraparound care. We tried private primary (at an excellent school) and it was nice but there are better ways to spend your money to be honest! I'd rather we had a nice kitchen extension now than those couple of years, but for secondary it is worth every penny.

@LetItGo99 are you able to expand on the further benefits of prep, please?

We live near a good, music-heavy prep. Our DS is in year 1 and I’m considering moving him. He’s at an Outstanding primary but I’ve been very underwhelmed this year. In addition the funding shortcomings in state schools now are so evident. That’s nobody at the school’s fault but I’m wondering if we shouldn’t just take the plunge now.

DS is young for his age, still inclined to be “a bit silly” and I think would benefit from smaller class sizes. But it’s so hard to know what to do for the best. He’s bright, but isn’t putting in loads of effort so is coasting more in the middle of the pack; I’m wondering whether private school might give him the extra attention I think he needs.

Moved my DD from state private to independent for a variety of reasons.

She was in a class with a lot of challenging kids and could sit there un-noticed and just switch off (I volunteered at her school and witnessed this). She was also bullied in the classroom in a regular basis and by standing up to the bully was asked to apologise to him.

Year 1 is still young, and children are very much in play mode (as they should be!). Assess again at the beginning of Y2 to see if he is capable of discipline, sitting down to work at something, as that will tell you more about whether the structure of your prep would suit him better than state. Music (and the practice of) is fantastic for instilling good habits and structure, so the music heavy prep will likely be a great environment for any child, even if they aren't particularly musical.

But.

Given the VAT and escalating costs of going private, you will need to think deeply about the following, besides the ever present affordability question:

• what are your goals for secondary school? Private or state? If state, is it grammar or comp? That makes a huge difference in which path to pursue. Even non selective preps in a city like London have children working at least a year ahead of their state counterparts and it's impossible to catch up without extensive tutoring.
• Character: Is your child academic, musical, sporty, a generalist? Are they very sociable or shy? Do they get easily influenced by others? How do they cope currently if things go wrong, or they don't get their way, or if they have friendship issues? How much respect do they display for authority (either yours, or the teachers). Compliant or questioning? How well does your current school support these aspects of his personality?

Does he have lovely friends that he's very happy with? Do you have a friendly social group with their parents? In general is the social group aspirational, valuing hard work and good behaviour, kindness etc. (this is more important than school itself)

Academically, if he's in the middle of the pack and your ambition is to get him higher: what does that actually look like in practice? What level do you want him to be at and how will that be measured? And what do you hope that level to attain for him? (I.e. entry to some kind of selective education?). How much work are you willing to put in at home, in doing worksheets, support, enforcing daily reading and music practice etc.

People choose private for a whole host of reasons. For us, it started with trying to meet oldest child's academic needs. Prep absolutely achieved that for us, and has been great for our other two non academic children too. DH and I both work full time. Our choice was to either (a) have me give up work or (b) have a nanny that took all three children to various activities after school and managed homework and tutoring, or (c) we keep them at school for clubs, music, sports and aftercare for the full day, and each child gets to do whatever activity they like, and not have to piggy back on a siblings preference. We chose the latter in order to simplify our lives, and that has been hugely worth it, including for the prep and exam support our oldest child got for the 11+. May be a completely different equation for your life.