AIBU additional needs child in class

[ThisAzureRobin]

Hi,

My child attends a small independent school and is in a relatively small class of 18. This year we found out there was a student joining year 1. I understand this student is repeating year 1 for a third time, and the parents are waiting on a diagnosis before she can get into an appropriate setting. I'm not sure how I feel about a 7/8 year old being in the class, and the school have not increased the number of teachers to support the student. Apprarently the child is lovely but she takes up a lot of teacher time.

I've not said anything yet, as the student is the child of one of the other teachers and we are generally quite happy with the school, but I definately feel uncomfortable about things and potential impact on my childs learning (which feels very selfish).

AIBU/should I say something?

Like what? Whatever you say you will come off as a total arse. And also it’s not your business.

Say what exactly?

And it's definitely not definatley.

‘Say something’?Like what? ‘I’ve paid for a private school so as to avoid this type of situation’?

Why are you concerned about a 7 year old being in with 5 year olds?
DS is great and shoulders above most of his class should be not be allowed to be there because he's too big? It's a 7 year old not a 17 year old.
The parents who should have the concern are those of this child, why isn't the school providing proper SEN support

“This type of situation?” Which is what?

What is there to feel. The child is most likely struggling and getting a diagnosis takes a long time. I'm sure the parents have exhausted all options and for now this is the solution they've come up with. Should the school look into giving her 1-1 support or hire extra staff. Yes they should. They should look into having a key worker for her. (Not sure that's the right term)

All children deserve an education and a chance. I understand you feel that something is being taken away from your child like the teachers attention but please have some empathy.

I have a 2.5 year old with additional needs and we struggle as it is. It would make me feel even more deflated if I knew other parents at his nursery were having thoughts like you have.

I'm sure they're doing the best they can. My only advise would be to ask the school if she can get one to one support so the other children's education isn't affected or see what plans are in place to stop others education being impacted.

So what actual effect is it happening or is it something you have just got in your head?

You haven't explained the issues it is actually causing your child

You either trust the school to manage the situation appropriately or you don't. Your son may also learn about compassion and how to respond kindly to differences from the experience.

I suppose that having another child in the class who takes the teacher’s attention may feel like it might be detrimental.

But there’s another way of looking at things. Difference, and alternative abilities and personalities are a part of life and this could be a real opportunity for your child to experience that. (Not that this child should be a learning moment of course.)

A school near us has a very much lighter proportion of severe special needs, and is funded appropriately so that mainstream kids and some profound disabilities are educated together and inclusion is just accepted right from the beginning. The kids don’t have any problem with it. The head said “We are 1/3rd special needs but you can’t tell which 1/3rd.” A wee girl with a disability related to the formation of her fingers sat next to my youngest. He said “Sophie does my spellings and I do her laces.”

My daughter had a boy in her class who was a year older (and by size he honestly seemed several years older, he towered over them) than everyone else as he had to repeat a year. He was in her class throughout primary school. There was zero impact on her education, or the education of anyone else in her class. There were also zero social issues from the age and size difference.

Hi,

Thanks for the quick replies - I agree with the points above. I think the answer is probably I am being unreasonable and I trust the school to manage it appropriately. Plus there are benefits of interacting with children with alternative abilities. Just need to reframe how I am thinking about this.

Thanks all

Gracefully done, OP.

Her class also had a high proportion of children with extra needs who needed more attention and help. Again no impact or issues, and they all bonded really well. DD really misses that class, they were together for 4 years.

Agree.

Let's hope that everyone reads the update.

Support or getting into an appropriate setting doesn't depend on getting a diagnosis. It's down to need, not on a diagnosis. It's shocking that a child is having to do the same year three times, someone is failing that child as that is obviously not the best think for them IMO.

I think all you can do is wait and see how it all pans out OP, there's a good chance it will be absolutely fine or even have a positive impact on the empathy, understanding and social skills of the other children.

And honestly op, I felt a bit apprehensive at the beginning of 3rd grade, when this class was formed and I found out there was such a high proportion of sen. But I was very quickly reassured by everything I heard from dd.

The child is probably 7 years old but not on par with other 7 year olds academically and socially so will probably get on really well with the year 1s. I’ve taught lots of children before and thought how much happier they would be if they were able to be taught with children a year or two younger due to developmental delays. Hopefully, it all works out and the school do a good job integrating her with the class

I think a few have been too hard on OP. A child that needs extra teacher time does take that away from the others and can have a detrimental effect.

However this is not the fault of the child who needs extra support it is the fault of the head for not employing extra staff.

Our SEND children are being neglected in state and private schools.

Parents should make their feelings known without attaching blame to the child. Speak up for the time your child has lost. The parents of SEND children need the support of the village.

Agreed.

OP have a great day, you've earned it by being open and receptive.

Slightly different perspective.

My child is in state secondary school. He struggles with EBSA. He can't articulate why he is anxious about school, and the school is super supportive. Academically, he is actually quite bright.

However, a problem last year was that he found classes to be noisy, and this upset him. Also that there were some disruptive children and that it upset him when there was little actual work done in classes due to disruptions etc; he gets indignant about being set homework when he feels time is wasted in lessons. In Science, he was deliberately sat next to someone struggling as a "good influence". He complained to me that one child kept taking his things and tried to break his calculator.

In discussions with teachers about increasing his attendance, it was admitted he was in a "noisy class", with additional support due to SEN kids. They were understanding that he might be finding it difficult, and tried to support him as best they could.

This year he is in different groups for learning, with some streaming, and that has helped him. I am all for inclusion and being understanding, but not at the expense of my child's education.

So, I am not sure you can do anything right now, but I understand your concerns, albeit from a perspective of a different age group and circumstances. In your place, I would try to keep an open mind but keep checking in with my child to see what they are experiencing in class, without asking leading questions, and to see if there are staffing issues or decisions that mean the presence of the new child is interfering with your child's education. If what you hear concerns you, then you can focus on those concerns WITHOUT explicitly attacking the new child's inclusion. For example "my child is finding class to be very noisy / keeps getting told off because you have sat them next to someone who keeps talking to them at inappropriate times or needs help from my child" etc.

And, regarding the age gap, I think people have been harsh. It is something else to keep an eye on. They won't stay 5 and 7, but will be 6 and 8, 7 and 9, etc. That is close to the age gap of my kids, and my eldest can be more powerful physically, and had a smartphone first, and played more mature games online first, and moved away from playing with toys first. You want to check your child is getting a chance to be a child in an age appropriate way, and not getting dragged into older stuff due to (peer) pressure from an older child.

Finally, the fact they are a teacher's child would also be causing me to pay attention. From experience, this can lead to favouritism and/or leniency.

As the mother of an almost 6YO little girl with SEN in a mainstream setting it makes me so sad to read about other parents discrimination of our children with additional needs. I hope none of the parents in my DD’s year think differently of her due to her disabilities.

Yep, this.

But good update.

Calling her a child with alternative abilities and saying that there are benefits to your child frominteracting with her aren't graceful and I don't know a single parent of an ND or SEN child who would be happy for you to talk about their child this way. My ND DC have lots of amazing qualities, they dont have alternative abilities, they're kids, they dont need alternative abilities they're amazing as they are. If your LO becomes friends and they both benefit from that friendship, great, if they don't thats fine too, but that's two way benefits from relationships, not something condescending. This will be one year of your daughters life in which she might be effected, for good or not, by this little girl, there is a good chance she and her parents will face struggles for a long time to come, maybe for her whole life and those struggles don't get easier because people go on about alternative abilities and learning from you.

Hold on ! Aren't private schools charities ?

I honestly believed this point which fed into the whole VAT argument ? (Well not actually VAT but Business Tax thing - may not have that right !)

The way the OP is framing her question sounds like. ' I pay for a particular standard and am not getting it'

Our private school has many children of different abilities.. chosen because the smaller class sizes allow a more bespoke environment.. which proves to my mind - the charitable aspect ?

A private school might not be a charity.

Even if it is, the school's charitable aims might be around SEN, but they might not be. They might relate more generally to education, or even to education for children with a different specific characteristic.