Any reception/Y1 teachers about? Advice re shy/stubborn DS

[hatingmyjob]

My DS is a summer born just reaching the end of reception. He is a sweet boy and no trouble other than normal 5 year old stuff but he is very shy around adults and can be fairly stubborn about not wanting to do things.

We have worked hard with his Reception teacher and she has told us tonight that he has made loads of progress in this area.

An example is that he never actually spoke to her until after October half term (started late september), he took a few weeks to settle. Now however, she says he will talk to her unprompted, with confidence and is the same with all the reception teachers/TAs.

The stuborness comes along if he doesn't "want" to do something, he will not be budged. She feels this is due to a lck of confidence, sort of not wanting to do it incase he gets it wrong IYSWIM.

My concern is, how long is it going to take him to settle in Y1 with a new teahcer and TA. His Y1 teacher is new to the school so he has only met her twice, each time for half a day. Is there anything I can do to help the process? I don't take him in the mornings, DH does and I know DH is concerned about how he will settle.

I hope I don't come across as precious! I just don't want him to feel the agony he so clearly does when he feels so shy. His reception teacher says we shouldn't be surprised if he takes a few steps back with his reading/number skills etc while he adjusts to Y1.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Hi sounds so like my son. He is very shy and it comes across as unwilling/stubborn. He didn't speak for half a term in reception. Then he moved schools towards end of reception which I thought would be a disaster but it wasn't, he had a teacher who worked to draw him out. New teacher this year and it was hard again at first. New teacher again next year so I'm expecting the same again. He is also very stubborn about what he can and can't do - has helped finding one thing he's good at (reading). I was thinking only this week how girls are accepted as shy, but boys less likely to be so (or so it seems) but summed up as unco-operative or rude. My DS will turn away if a teacher talks to him in the playground in the morning and not answer - which seems terribly rude but he's just embarrassed and shy. And he's 7! But I'm fairly sure it'll get better as he gets older.

Thanks - that does sound exactly like my DS - the turning away when people talk to him. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to speak to the new teacher, I'm sure she'll be aware. You're also right about it being more acceptable for girls. I had several comments about how unusual it was for a boy to take time to settle. I too hope it will get better with each new school year. Thanks for replying.

Sounds exactly like my DD - shy, stubborn and hardly spoke at school at first. She's just about to finish reception too, so hoping she won't have trouble settling into Yr1!

Shy people don't want top draw attention to themselves by being unco-operative. I think you need to stop using this as an excuse for your boy not doing as he's told.

With repect katiestar he's not a shy person, he's a little boy who doesn't realise that his stubborn beaviour leads to more attention.

He does do as he's told most of the time. I am talking specifically about situations at school where he has to talk aout work he has done, explain why/how he did something, things like that.

I am assured by his teacher that he follows most instructions well, tidying up, getting changed for PE, taking the register to the office etc.

I must say, your post made me disheartened as this is exactly the sort of attitude to shyness I am worried about, I may sound like am overlooking bad behaviour but honestly, he is a decent little lad but you can see the anguish clearly on his face when he feels under pressure to talk to someone he is not comfortable with.

An example is something that happened today. While we went for parent/teacher visit, his teacher asked him to draw a picture for us and maybe write a few words about what he had enjoyed in his first year at school. He went off and got paper and pens, sat down quietly and started to draw. While we were talking to the teacher, the head came into the classroom. She was wating to speak to DSs teacher so wandered over to DS to see what he was up to. the minute she started asking him what he was drawing he totally clammed up. He stopped what he was doing and kept looking to us/teacher for reassurance. He had followed the teacher's instructions, he was doing as he was told and he was mortified when we got home that he hadn't finished it.

I understand that some people see shyness as an excuse but this incident alone has really concerned me and coming on the thread and suggesting he is just badly behaved has rather upset me.

Don't despair, I know what you mean and the reaction is exactly what I meant about the different way people react to boys being shy and girls. My DS is extremely well behaved in class, does as he's told and listens etc but if he is ever singled out, especially outside that class environment, he can't deal with it and turns away and appears rude. He once won a drawing competition and refused to go up and get the prize. Its very frustrating as a parent but your acceptance of him will go a long way to building his self-esteem. I was like this and grew up to hate the labels of sensitive and shy. I had parents who were cross with me for not speaking up or being able to be 'shown off' to friends. So I'm trying to be very accepting of it and exposing him to situations where he can begin to overcome it. Ie, if he wants to buy something in a shop, I'll make him go and ask for it and pay for it. The first time I had to go up with him, now he'll do it on his own, with a push! Its a huge step for him and I hope its building his confidence. You just have to hope that most of his teachers will be understanding... There's a book called the highly sensitive child from the US which is worth reading. Take heart, he sounds lovely! We just live in a world where extroversion is more prized, at the moment,...