need advice - is daughter holding her own?

[flowerlady2]

Hi Have a daughter coing up to 7 she's the youngest in her year and by her teacher's own admission in a class with 'alot of very strong/loud personalities.'

She is coping academicaly but I'm concerend re friendships, she's not an angel but she is polite and caring and gets on with others. she has 2 friends in particular that frankly make me wince, they are really gobby and talk back alot and I get the impression my daugter kind of fits in/does as she's told. I'm here trying to teach her manners and respect for others and I'm concerend that maybe I've gone too far and that she can't hold her own amongst her peers if required. I am good friends with the mums of these 2 friends am I being neurotic? My daughter seems happy, maybe its just my perception...

First it might be an idea to define what you mean by "holding her own". Not everyone needs to be the centre of attention. What exactly are you concerned about? Do you think she is unhappy? That she'd rather have other friends but doesn't dare break up this group? Or that she will be led into misbehaviour? Or is there a chance that she goes along with things as long as they do no harm, but would actually have the strength of character to refuse to do anything she thought was wrong? Some people are very laissez-faire until it really matters, then they become hard as rock; others are so afraid to displease their friends that they'll go along with anything. Also, how bad is this talking back? Is it nasty? Does it show a basic lack of respect? Or is it just strong personalities? I talked back a lot at that age, but mainly because I had an innate sense of justice and had not yet learnt how to put a point across.

Thanks for your post Corey - you make a good point about being chilled until it matters - she has a good head and maybe i'm not giving here credit where its due. I said to her this morning - you don't need to do do everyting everybody tells you - its ok to say no, or to hold your ground. 'I know she said, you don't need to go on about it Mummy.' I thought well thats good - she's happy telling me to politely put a sock in it!!I think my main worry is that a) I don't want her to be pushed about she's not timid but she is gently natured and one of these friends has isolated her before from playground games because she wouldn't do as she wanted her to - in fairness my daughter told her exactly what she thought of the situation and that she was being unfair so maybe I'm the one that needs to chill. b) i'm worried about her feeling different amongst her peeers cos i insist on decent manners. The talk back I'm referring to is just rude, attitude and stuff i know my daughter doesn't say and I frankly don't want her to start with For example: As soon as one of these friends arrive in our house its like 'Im thirsty' or 'I'm hungry' and I'm like 'well we'll have tea later - you've only just had lunch' (when I know she has!) and she's 'no I haven't, you don't know when I've had lunch' or 'you can't tell if I'm hungry or not'. I even took them off for a macdonalds as a treat once and all I got from her freind was no please or thank you and complaints that we hadn't got more than a childs meal and that we had a drive thru rather than a sit down meal. You know not important stuff but lacking in general manners these kids are 7 - old enough I think to use manners and not argue back.