Would you ask your retired neighbour to tutor your shild?

[lisbey]

DS1 will go into yr5 in Sept.

He is (by school's admission) very bright, especially for literacy type subjects - reads like a 13yo and very articulate. However, he really struggles to write. For a long time we were told he was a boy it will come, then he's not trying etc. Finally I really pushed for referral to Occupational Therapy (school said he didn't need it, but GP was supportive) and it turns out he has hyper-mobility (what we used to call double jointedness) which effectively means he doesn't have proper control of his fingers and that his hands tire easily, so he was genuinely finding it very difficult.

OP was brilliant, furious with the school telling him it was down to lack of effort and really helped rebuild his confidence by helping him understand it wasn't all his fault. To give them their due, the school have also been excellent since the diagnosis (c. 9 mths ago). He has worked hard on strengthening exercises and his wring has improved loads, but there's still a long way to go.

I am very concerned that as he gets older being bright just won't be enough - he'll need to demonstrate it on paper. He needs more practise, but is reluctant.

I was wondering about asking the lady next door to tutor him a bit. She's a retired school teacher (late 70s) and goes to the school to hear children read on a voluntary basis. We chat over the fence and have been to a party at their house, but not best friends or anything.

I'm thinking it would be convenient and that she might like to do it, but don't want her to feel obliged. Also am a bit concerned that her methods might be out of date and that she won't understand his condition (but then neither do the school)

What do you think?

I would be pushing for him to be allowed to use a computer for his written work tbh. Try to get him a touch typing course etc. Find out about secondary schools, but he can use a computer in GCSEs if that is his normal way of working.
It could ruin your relationship with her if she and your son have disagreements when she is tutoring him. If she was a specialist in children with issues like this then things would be different, but as just a retired teacher I wouldn't. If you want to make him practise then I'd do it yourself. And use OT exercises to help.

I would talk to her about it - being a bit old fashioned might be an advantage as there used to be much more emphasis on what my mum calls "penmanship", so she might be ideal.

How is he using a keyboard?

I'd go gently.

First invite her round for a cup of tea and say that you were hoping that she might have some ideas about how YOU could help your son. Then if she seems helpful and enthusiastic towards him you could suggest moving things forward. Definitely don't jump in until you know what her ideas/attitudes towards your son's difficulties are.

The school know her as she helps out there a lot - would it be reasonable to ask them what they think before approaching her?

He stuggles with a keyboard also, little control of fingers etc.

It's very difficult for me to do this work with him as he gets very upset - tends to perform better for someone less emotionally involved iyswim.

If he is hypermobile, then more emphasis on penmanship and long hours of tutoring may not be ideal at all: you could end up damaging those joints permanently. I would not let an oldfashioned tutor anywhere near him tbh.

Instead, I would use mummytime's suggestion of a keyboard and OT exercises.

fwiw I cannot write for very long by hand for the same reason, but am still managing an academic career.

Your ds needs to get away from the idea that his learning is in any way connected with his ability to hold a pen. It isn't. If you have a disability, however minor, noone will expect you to learn in exactly the same way as everybody else.

I wouldn't ask my neighbour - it will blur your relationship. Maybe the tutoring won't work out - but you're still stuck with her as your neighbour. She might feel uncomfortable with being asked, but not know how to say no.

I can see why you think a tutor might be worth a shot, but I'd find someone who's separate from the rest of your life. Ask round for recommendations - but remember people who use tutors often deny that they do, so it can be difficult to find them.

You could tell her that you're looking for a tutor to help your DS with his writing and ask whether she knows of/can recommend anyone who does that kind of tutoring. Then if she does want to do it the opportunity is there for her to put herself forward, but there's no awkwardness if she doesn't want to.

First of all you need to be clear over what you want your tutor to do. How much of his difficulties in writing are caused by his condition? Sort those! You, not the tutor. Support him to do his exercises. Get him all the help he needs: special pen, laptop, supportive wrist bands, dictaphone if at all relevant, scribe for exams.

Then think about how much there is left for a tutor to do. She can't teach him not to be hypermobile, but it is of course possible that struggling with the physical aspect of writing has left him less time to concentrate on the non-physical side (composition, planning, spelling), which she could help with.

But be sure that any tutor understands his physical limitations. I know I keep going on about this, but I speak as someone who has caused physical damage to her children by forcing them to "push against the pain", thinking that if you only do more and more you will get more and more like other children.

TBH I am very confused about all this. Both my parents were teachers and are inclined to believe there's no such thing (despite the fact that he can do things with his fingers that just aren't right ) They have the same view about ADD, dyslexia and any number of other conditions, very frightening that they were teaching until a few years ago TBH

The OT is ready discharge him as he's shown such improvement and says he just needs to continue with his strengthening exercises and practice.

SENCO and class teacher acknowledge the imporvement but say he's still a long way behind where he needs to be. They clearly do feel that not being able to write will hold him back educationally (SENCO said exactly that)

I find it very difficult to do this work with him as he doesn't enjoy it and clearly finds it very difficult (and perhaps painful) gets upset and I feel so sorry for him

Don't know what to do for the best although accept neighbour perhaps not the best idea - was really thinking of an informal arrangement where he goes there for half an hour for writing practise rather than formal tutoring iyswim

Practice little and often is better than massed practice once a week. Handwriting practice can't be that hard to organise. Copy-writing- any text on a computer can be changed to a handwriting font. Use a grey scale and it can be traced, or buy a handwriting book and get him to do 5-10 minutes a day.

Teachers are right to say that slow handwriting will hold him back. If his disability is that serious you can get things like Dragon speaking Naturally to dictate his thoughts, but that does require serious skills of planning.

My ds is in Yr5 and has similar difficulties with writing. He has very little strength and co-ordination in his hands and it means that his writing is very slow and difficult to read. He is now working on touch-typing, with lots of encouragement from his school.

I think that the SENCO is wrong in saying that an inability to write won't hold him back - unless they meant it in the context that he will be able to record his work in other ways, eg typing, dictation etc. If you can only manage to get a few sentences down in the time it takes everyone else to write several pages, your marks will inevitably be lower. There's also the issue that your mind is racing ahead with ideas while your hand is still struggling with the second word of the first sentence. It can be extremely frustrating.

I would look into touch-typing. If your ds is likely to work better with another adult then perhaps ask your neighbour if the would be able to help with supervision etc.

SWorry. I mis-read the bit about the SENCO. They did say that it would hold him back. Ignore me.

Well, if he has a physical difficulty with his writing, then I would say it is the SENCOs responsibility to make sure it is not holding him back. I don't buy this "well, he's got to learn or he'll be held back educationally". Did anyone tell David Blunkett that he'd just have to learn to read ordinary books or he'd be held back educationally? I expect somebody provided Braille for him.

So they can jolly well provide a laptop and touch typing lessons for my ds- and in fact they are doing that very thing (just took a little gentle persuasion and a reputation as a ruthless parent who can quote from the Disability Discrimination Act at will[win])

He writes as much as he can write- but I will not accept that he is held back by a simple mechanical problem. As a university teacher I see students who have far more difficult problems- and we pull out all the stops to help them; junior schools can learn to do that too.

Ds writes as much as he can by hand, but I have made it very clear that he has to tell a teacher when he can't (whether he does or not is a different matter).

I am a retired sec school teacher and a GCSE examiner.I have done a lot of private tuition since I retired and find that most children flourish in a one to one situation.All my tutees gained or exceeded their estimated grades and we all enjoyed it so I dont think your neighbour will mind being asked at all.