Devasted - any advice welcome

[slipperandpjsmum]

My dd has struggled in school since she began. Her birthday is right at the end of Aug and to be honest it was hardly worth her turning up in the first year as everything was beyond her. She is small, the youngest in the class and now, in year 3 seems to be labelled by the other children as a bit 'slow'. She has a group EP but its not helping. She had a private tutor which worked well but she was so tired working in the evenings as well after a full day. I have been asking and asking for a dyslexia assessment for two years but they have not had a SENCO in school so yesterday I had one done privately. The results have devasted us. Apart from her very, very low scores with numercay and logic it was her self perception that has been the most upsetting thing. It was so sad it felt like my heart was breaking 'I am not very good at school, lots of people make fun of me at school cause I get most things wrong, I never answer questions cause I never get one right' on and on it went. I feel I have let her down so badly and should have been more assertive. We talked last night and discussed moving schools. I rang one this morning who said I could not look round until I have discussed it with the head of her current school. Really I would have preferred to look round decide if we like it then tell her. But have an appointment Fri. Does anyone have any advice. I feel the school has had more than enough chances and its time to move but can they say they need to put stratergies in place first?? Any tips most welcome. Sorry its so long but very upset about it all.

Your poor dd that is so sad.

I was very similar at her age, hated school was made fun of by kids and the teacher, but my mum would never allow me to move and start over and wouldnt accept an assessment for dyslexia, it wasnt until I was 11 that I got assessed.

You sound like you have dd's best interests, I am not sure where you live, but up in scotland there are lessons / tution from the dyslexia org I get mine funded from university, and I am sure they have ones for children, something that would boast her confidence maybe.

True parents follow league tables but that's because we are lead to believe that good Sats results equate with a good school/good teaching....bitter experience now teachs me otherwise but as a parent choosing a school for the first time your experience of what a good school is limited. I completely agree with SE13Mummy, now my dc is at a school that has a Satisfactory Ofsted rating and doesn't do too well in the Sats - my friends at the old (Outstanding school) were horrified when I made my decision - even though they know deep down that the Outstanding School isn't really that outstanding at all - it was pretty shit really.

You have been very brave 'IcantFind'

good for you for making a decision to go against the grain!

I don't know if it is at all possible for you to consider home educating? Children like your DD, who need the time to discover what they are good at and passionate about, and to catch up on some basics, can really benefit. Obviously, so many parents have to work full time that it is not something many people can consider.

I don't HE personally, but considered it for my two August birthday DC, as our LEA wouldn't let them be "down a year". In the end we went private, where they had the option of dropping down a year if necessary.

i think SE13mummy's scrapbooking idea is inspired, and a positive way to channel your understandable upset over this, in a personal way with your DD.

Dear Mrs Current Headteacher

Just as a courtesy I'm letting you know that I'm visiting X school with a view to changing my DD. After my visit I will be happy to have a meeting with you and discuss all options

Yours sincerely

slipperandpjsmum

Then you can visit with a clear conscience and if the new school presses you say you will discuss with current head before making a final decision

I wondered about repeating year one, ie moving down a year - she might fit in much better with the work and so on.

How very sad though, I think we would all be devastated to be in your situation x

OP- just a quick note-

i know where you are coming from- my dd was diagnosed as dyslexic in yr 6- most particularly with a spectacularly poor working memory- i was told by our ed psych that at this age there was not a lot to be done in terms of improving it, more to do with working around it. I was utterly devastated- it took me a good 6 months to start forgiving myself and move on. Take some comfort from the fact that you have found out in year 3.

What does the ed psych say in the report. Use this to get a picture of your childs underlaying ability. Then have a think about helping her reach this- dyslexia action is very helpful. I know what you mean about being too tired in the evening but many programmes only take 10 or so mins. Might be worth thinking about toe by toe for reading. If she is struggling to keep up in class she may well have missed the basics. My dd was "hopeless" at maths at the end of year 6 -- a 3c- she is a 4b at the end of year 7. This is because I spent a year starting from no assumptions ( do not even assume that she knows that 1+1=2). The same with english- she didnt understand what punctuation was for. Constant reinforcement is necessary for my dd to get things into her long term memory, but even now thats 10 mins at a time.

Absolutely go look at other schools and talk to the sencos to see what can be offered. but i would say take control of it yourself now- do you have a local dyslexia group?

I cannot thank everyone who has contributed to this thread enough. Yours words both moved and supported us through what has been a very difficult time. Thanks you all so, so much both to those who offer adivce having experienced something similar and to those who have not but none the less have taken the time to offer support.

Update:
Our appointment was not as bad as we were expecting. Having said that I really was convienced it was going to be worst case senario. I felt very assertive and clear about what I wanted to convey having virtually memorised the ed report. The head did start talking about resouces, at this point I spoke over her saying, telling my dd 5 positive things per lesson (as per the action plan) costs nothing! No, you are right she said. She did come up with a couple of suggestions eg a buddy system with a new girl who has started and is at around the same academic level. I finished by asking her to think about what I had said and we would meet again to discuss the report (she asked for a copy), by which time we will have looked around the other school. Following the conversation with the head of the school we did have in mind we have re-considered our choice and contacted another school, who did not mention speaking with our current head and asked us to bring the report with us and we could discuss her needs during the visit, which felt far more what we are looking for. So things feel slightly better. I still feel terrible about letting everything go on for so long but now feel far more in control and your words of wisdom and support really have helped us through it all. So once again, thank you all so much.