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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Has anyone not sent their child to the nursery attached to the primary school they now attend?

26 replies

cupofteaplease · 29/06/2010 11:01

Sorry if this is very long...

Dd1 goes to the local primary. It happens to be rated Ofsted outstanding, and consequently people will sell their vital organs in order to get their child in. They set their own admissions criteria and have changed it so that priority goes to children who attend the nursery (after siblings, SEN, looked-after chn, but before distance from school).

Dd went to the nursery, then started in Reception last September.

Dd2 has been offered a place at the nursery to start this September. HOWEVER, my work life has changed, and she is currently in a private nursery, where she is very settled and happy, 3 days a week 7.45am - 6pm, and with me the other 2 days. We love our time together, it is very special.

If I were to accept the place at the school nursery, she would have to attend 5 mornings a week (they claim all the free nursery funding, so it is all or nothing). This would mean she would be attending school nursery on the days that I don't work, albeit for only 2.5 hours, and I would have to find a childminder for her on my working days and take her out of the day nursery where she is now, as they cannot, understandably, drop her off and pick her up from the school nursery.

I think I am happy with my choice. It would be much more expensive to change my childcare options and also disruptive for both dd1 and dd2. Plus, I don't really feel the need for her to go to nursery on the days I don't work. However, when I tell people that she won't be taking up the school nursery place, they look at me agog as if I have 3 heads. Some of these paretns started queing at 4am to be at the front of the queue when they handed out the numbered application forms to ensure their child got a place!

People have been asking really probing questions, won't dd miss out? Surely she won't make any friends when she gets to Reception as all friendship groups are made in nursery? But I won't be involved with the parents? But she won't know how to use an interactive whiteboard like all the other children when she gets to Reception! etc etc.

I'm beginning to feel I am doing dd2 a huge disservice, and restricting her opportunities. Well I'm not, but I'm beginning to doubt myself and would like to hear from anybody who has not sent their child to the school nursery. Did they miss out? Did they make friends? Did you make friends with other parents or were these friendships already formed?

Please help!

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Stray · 29/06/2010 11:15

Kids make friends really easily. We move just before DS started in reception so he was in a new town and knew no one and he's fine, he's made loads of friends. Besides chances are she wont be the only child to start that hadn't go to the pre school

redskyatnight · 29/06/2010 11:16

I have the opposite situation. DS is in a school (Year 1) where he did not go to the school nursery. DD is currently at the school nursery. Like you, both decisions were made based around what was easier in terms of childcare/work.

In DS's Reception year 46 out of 60 children came from the nursery. He very much sat back and watched for the first couple of weeks but then started to make new friends. I'd say by half term a casual observer wouldn't have been able to pick out the children who'd been to nursery from those who hadn't. I do have to admit that I struggled with friendships with parents, though that was mainly because I never did morning drop off either - which was when those friendships seemed to be cemented. Now into year 1 I've got to know the parents ok. I don't think DS missed out at all.

DD DOES go to the school nursery but 2 of her closest friends are going to other schools so she will still have to go through the making new friends thing anyway. Also, depending on how your school nursery works (ours does mornings OR afternoons unless you pay for extra sessions) will lots of the nursery children not know each other anyway?

Both decisions were absolutely the right thing at the time. Not having to juggle children/childcare was hugely important for my stress levels! Interestingly the one thing I HAVE missed with DD going to school nursery is that I have much less time with her than I did with DS at this age - sounds like this is important to you too.

compo · 29/06/2010 11:17

My ds was at a different nursery
he made friends fine
I wouldn't worry, do what is right for your dd

WowOoo · 29/06/2010 11:20

Ds1 did not go to the nursery that is attached to the school he'll be starting in September.

He seems a little confused that he won't be going to the same school as his friends but there are lots of others startign new school who also went to a different nursery. I hope it will be fine.

Parents warned me that he might not get a place at this school if he didn't go to the nursey, but he did. Our local council says it's no guarantee and decisions on applications ignore the nursery aspect -attached or not.

jellyhead · 29/06/2010 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bramshott · 29/06/2010 11:24

Children starting school make friends very quickly so I wouldn't worry on that score. DD1 knew one girl and two boys in her glass when she started Reception, and was fine.

However, aren't you concerned that your DD2 may miss out on a place for Reception if she doesn't attend the school nursery? Or as she's a sibling, will she be at the top of the queue in any case?

CMOTdibbler · 29/06/2010 11:25

My DS isn't going to the nursery attached to his school, and they say that it's no problem at all in terms of making new friends and settling in

lornabean · 29/06/2010 11:30

I did not send my DS1 to the nursery attached to the school for precisely the same reasons you feel you won't. Whilst I did have some reservations about it my working arrangements had to take priority, that and the fact that I wanted those two days together with my son - I considered those sacrosanct. OK he would only have attended the school nursery for 2.5 hours, but had we wanted to go out for the day/visit Gran etc on my days off, we could n't.

Infact, my son is really thriving now at school. Yes, some who attended the school nursery do appear in the very early days at an advantage, but it very quickly levels out. My son has many friends who also attended other nurseries and some from the school nursery. The school also ensured that those who were not familiar with some bits of equipment etc always paired up with those that were.

I am sure by middle to end of reception year, the teachers would be unable to tell which nursery the child attended, unless they knew. That is certainly the case from my observation.

In terms of my friendships, yes, initially the Mums were pally with those they knew from nursery, that is natural, but there were other Mums new to the school like me and I made friends with those. Now if you look at friendship groups they are totally mixed.

Other Mums will make you feel that you are missing something but I know my child certainly has n't.

Go with your gut instinct.

MayorNaze · 29/06/2010 11:32

ds didn't
dd1 did
dd2 doesn't and starts in sept

i have no worries that dd2 will settle in fine and it didn't seem to have any adv/disadv for ds and dd1

lucykate · 29/06/2010 11:35

dd didn't go to the nursery at the school she goes to as we moved house in the july to a new area. she started reception not knowing anyone in her class. it made no difference at all to her, she made friends very quickly and we found any friendships made at the nursery shuffled around a lot anyway, plus she wasn't the only new child.

mrsshackleton · 29/06/2010 12:05

dd1 didn't

It took her a while to make friends but that is her personality, the other children who didn't attend the nursery settled in very fast. I made friends with the other mums immediately. Do what suits you, it will certainly make no difference long term.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/06/2010 12:10

We have, DD is in a Surestart nursery 6 miles from us and local school. She is there as their hours fit in with ours, she is going to local school in Spetember and we were thinking about moving DS to the nursery attached but have decided to keep him where he is.

ballstoit · 29/06/2010 12:23

My DS didnt go to school nursery because I didnt feel he was ready to do five mornings a week at only just 3 (August birthday). In fact, in the end, he didnt go anywhere because I enjoyed having him at home, we went to lots of toddler groups so he had a chance to socialise and, tbh, a 1:8 ratio did not seem as good for his learning as a 1:2!

He is at the end of his F2 (reception) year and has settled really well. He has lots of friends (in fact after a day of last week with a tummy bug he was mobbed by the children on his return!).You'll already know the school and some parents because of your older DC, and tbh if mums are so keen to make you insecure, they probably not going to be great friends to you anyway. Plus your DD will get 2 lovely days of 1:1 with you!

I guess there is some sour grapes in the other parents questioning you,I suppose if I'd got up stupidly early to guarantee a place at a school I'd be a bit jealous of someone who had a place and was 'wasting' it . Enjoy your last year with DD while you can x

orangina · 29/06/2010 12:35

I am in exactly the same position as you, but have decided to kkeep ds at his lovely (private and therefore quite £££) montessori nursery for just mornings next year. Would be cheaper and easier to send him across the road to the nursery attached to the school, but he is happy where he is atm, and I don't think he needs to do 9:00-3:30 5 days a week at 3+ years old. Could also cut my childcare bills in half too, but I just want him to have what my dd had (she didn't get into the nursery, but ds would have automatic place because she is in school now.....)
Trust your own instinct.

Littlefish · 29/06/2010 13:11

Dd went to a fantastic nursery attatched to the school in the next village. I felt it was more important for her to have wonderful early years experiences and then be helped with the transition to school, than to go to an adequate nursery with an easy transition.

As it worked out, she knew one other person going to her school. There really wasn't ever a problem with the transition. By playtime on the first day, she'd made new friends and has never looked back.

Acanthus · 29/06/2010 13:16

Both my two went to a really excellent private day nursery 3 days a week and were fine in reception elsewhere.

Original poster

cupofteaplease · 29/06/2010 13:41

Thanks so much everyone for the reassuring comments.

I hope it all works out ok and I don't regret my decision come October/November time...

OP posts:

Strawberrycornetto · 29/06/2010 13:45

My DD has just started a new school for the last half term of reception. My DS is attending the nursery and they told me that 90% of the reception class come from the nusery. In that context, my DD has settled immediately and is very happy, So I wouldn't worry about it, I think that your DD will be fine.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2010 13:50

DS1 didn't go tot he school nursery, DS2 (and DD) did and I didn't notice any difference between them when they started. Well, apart from the fact that DS2 was entirely comfortable with the environment given that he'd been dropping DS1 off there for 2 years.
I don't think nursery had a lot to do with that. DD has been up there virtually every term-time day of her life so I doubt the fact that she has attended the nursery will make any difference to the fact is is almost a second home!

Runoutofideas · 29/06/2010 15:51

How many places are there in reception and how many are in the final year at nursery? Ie If it is 30 in the nursery and 60 in reception then clearly there will be 30 who haven't been....

FWIW I would keep her where she is. I se no reason for pre-schoolers to do 5 days a week, especially when you will have valuable itme at home with her for the last year.

Builde · 29/06/2010 15:54

My dd1 joined a reception class in which nearly all the children except her had gone to the school nursery.

She settled in fine.

They are still very little and friends come and go at that age.

upahill · 29/06/2010 15:57

Both DS went to differnt nursery's and then to a diferent primary.

People like winding others up I think!

No your child won't miss out and from what I have seen it's a bloody good thing not be involved with other parents at times.
Do what is right for you!

RatherBeOnThePiste · 29/06/2010 16:03

Yes, neither of mine went. They both could have gone, but at the time we did not want them going anywhere 5 sessions a week. They are both quite young in the year.

For both it was the right decision

cupofcoffee · 29/06/2010 17:36

My ds didn't go to the school nursery. There were only 3 other children who entered his reception year who had not gone to the school nursery. ds had no problems at all making friends.

SE13Mummy · 29/06/2010 23:45

Technically I think the school nursery should be offering 15 hours a week from September and this is meant to be flexible. In theory you could ask if your DD could have a school nursery place for 2 full days and supplement that with a day at her current place.

Also, although the school nursery say the place is for 5 mornings it cannot be enforced and many of the more sensible places will acknowledge that it's not always in a child's best interests to attend nursery every day. My DD went to school nursery 3 afternoons a week and then 3 full days a week - she never attended full-time prior to starting Reception (at a different school). If a nursery outing coincided with one of her non-nursery days then she went along too - it was her place and they received funding for it regardless of whether or not she was there.

All that aside, lots of children won't have been to a specific nursery before they start Reception and they all come together as a class before long. My DD was at the school nursery, didn't get into school Reception so started elsewhere then moved to the Reception of her old nursery! About a third of her class were in nursery with her but her closest friends now comprise 1 child she was at nursery with and three new ones.

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