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Primary education

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Original poster

Have been sent to Coventry...............advice please

34 replies

jellylegs · 16/06/2010 12:35

Several months ago I spoke to my Dd teacher as I had , had enough of 2 classmates who had been making my daughter's school life not a pleasent experience (These 2 young girls had been mean/spiteful for about a year and are well known for this behaviour.My visit to the teacher was in response to one of these girls getting her eldest sister in Year 5 to terrorise my daughter).
Following a recent social event it is obvious that previous polite chit chat has now been abandonded by these girls parents who have now decided to ignore me!!
I was never Close enough to have collared these parents before I went to the school(The school itself does not agree with this approach-The school doesn't seem to think Bullying exsist just 'girls being girls!!!'..}
I am an older mother...I consider myself to have a brain....I am a busy mother ...I don't understand why I am upset by their behaviours and know I should know better.....god no wonder their children behave in a weird way!!!!Any one else been through same thing??The thought of this for the next 10 years fills me with dread.

OP posts:
claig · 16/06/2010 13:36

It is perfectly natural to feel upset by their petty nasty spitefulness. Try to ignore it and don't worry about it. Try to keep being polite to them and I think that with time things may change and their consciences will start to bother them and they may change towards you.

Original poster
jellylegs · 19/06/2010 17:25

Thanks,felt I was going over the top !!Isn't it funny that I had considered myself a Confident , strong , mum!!!

OP posts:
DinahRod · 19/06/2010 18:00

Some ppl do never leave the playground behind and enter adulthood. Be far too sophisticated, gracious and amused to be troubled by it. They won't all be like this, plus % wise a very small part of your day.

AMumInScotland · 19/06/2010 18:14

Some people are very odd, and some revert to the playground themselves when their children start school. They are the ones with a problem here. Just smile and say hello as you would to anyone else - it will be obvious enough to other parents that they are the ones who are being strange.

FabIsGettingFit · 19/06/2010 18:16

No one talks to me at school either for such stupid reasons and I don't care anymore.

Why do you want them to talk to you if their daughters are bullies?

Miggsie · 19/06/2010 18:17

Well, then I think you just found out where those girls got their petty spitefulness from....!

Ignore them, I was ostracised by the ballet mums when I sent DD to a state school and not the local prep. They even MOVED their girls to a class without state school girls. Did they think their kids would be contaminated????

LimaCharlie · 19/06/2010 18:42

Agree with miggsie - behaviour obviously modelled by parents

diplodoris · 20/06/2010 13:00

What unpleasant-sounding women. Sending people to Coventry is so petty and ridiculous, it is bullying and doesn't solve anything. It's a shame when this sort of thing happens but you sound a lovely person. Do you get on with the other parents? I hope you find some great friends who will take your mind off these people.

bibbitybobbityhat · 20/06/2010 13:07

I think its only natural that they will be cool towards you as you went in to school to complain about their daughters. Its just human nature, I'm afraid.

MrsSantos · 20/06/2010 13:09

Aww have a virtual biscuit and a cuppa on me JL&. I have been at the receiving end of some rather bitchy behaviour from a school gate mum who has gone totally bonkers since having a baby and going on mat leave. She is foul, whispering about me, spreading gossip about my divorce, criticising my parenting. I think she is a total loon. It does upset me but I am trying to distance her nasty behaviour from me as a person and my DD. She has a boy in my child's class and he is not nice to my child. Since the children are under 6 I am guessing this is kids copying adults. So mature . I really do think some people revert to childhood when it comes to the school run - god knows why?

MrsSantos · 20/06/2010 13:10

Sorry about the random & there

claig · 20/06/2010 15:06

"Isn't it funny that I had considered myself a Confident , strong , mum"
you are a confident strong mum, but you are also a sensitive human being, far more so than these spiteful mums. That is why this behaviour is upsetting. All of us would be equally upset by receiving these negative vibes. I hope the vibes start to change, but don't think that it shows that you are weak. What it shows is that you are a sensitive good person and that is something to be proud of, unlike the behaviour of these spiteful mums.

TheFallenMadonna · 20/06/2010 15:11

I kind of agree with bibbity really. You don't like their children (with reason) and you went to the school to complain about them. Expecting to make polite chit chat under those circumstances seems unrealistic. Unless you were good friends before?

diplodoris · 20/06/2010 17:02

You're saying it's fine for people to be rude and send others to Coventry because it's human nature?

bibbitybobbityhat · 20/06/2010 17:49

No, I'm not saying its fine, but its understandable.

diplodoris · 20/06/2010 18:07

I can understand why they're doing it in terms of their thought process. Someone has uncovered bullying in their family and they don't like it, so they're retaliating.

However I don't think it's understandable in terms of being reasonable. They're choosing not to overcome the unpleasant side of human nature.

backtotalkaboutthis · 20/06/2010 18:11

Hi, the thing to do is being absolutely fabulous and lovely at all school moments but ignore them. Blank them but otherwise be fabulous and lovely. Then other people will not take sides.

They're just ridiculous but you know this.

bibbitybobbityhat · 20/06/2010 18:14

I don't think its understanble in terms of being reasonable. I just think its understandable. Just to be clear.

TheFallenMadonna · 20/06/2010 18:15

Agree with backtotalkaboutthis. Fabulousness is the way to go

claig · 20/06/2010 18:19

It is understandable for petty spiteful people to behave like that. The OP had nothing against their children except that they were bullies. If these mums' children had been bullied they would do exactly the same thing and go to the school.

bibbitybobbityhat · 20/06/2010 18:34

I don't understand why the op wants to be friends with the mothers of bullies. If she thought the bullying was so severe that it warranted going to the school then that doesn't say much about their parenting skills.

If this was a close friend who had suddenly frozen her out then I could understand any sensitivity. But they were not, so does it really matter???

claig · 20/06/2010 18:42

I can understand it very well. It is about bad vibes. Have you ever been in a meeting where someone was staring daggers at you or entered a room where you were sent to Coventry by certain people? It is upsetting and unsettling, even if you can't stand the other person. Nobody likes having enemies and sensitive people feel the bad vibes and it is very upsetting. The OP doesn't want to be friends with them, but she also doesn't want to have them as enemies. Over time it will settle itself out and they will stop their spiteful behaviour, but in the meantime it will be upsetting.

Original poster
jellylegs · 20/06/2010 21:36

Hi ladies....am tearing myself away from Kaka being sent off to reply!!!!!
bibbitybobbityhat-thanks for your thoughts too and all you great girls.I have been onfriendly terms with One of these parents for 5 years (as we have same age kids ) and have had play dates in the not so recent past. I just assumed that the said parents were quite reasonable people-dispite 'understanding' their point of view myself. It matters only because I have to spend at least the next 10 years in the playground with them..oh the joy. I don't need to be liked by everyone....too thick skinned to go that far but I agree with claig. its unsettling.It is bad vibes.

Think backto talkabout this and Dinahrodsadvice is great too!

Fabs is getting fit-i just want them to act like mature , capable adults...

Mrs Santos-Thanks for virtual tea

OP posts:
follygirl · 21/06/2010 16:21

I had an issue with a girl in my dd's class. I mentioned it to the parents as well as to the school. Talking to the parents was a big mistake. The dh completely blanks me although I only see him at parties and the mum has been quite cool. I just acknowledge her existence and chat to my friends.
Sadly, a lot of fairly intelligent and normal people seem to go loopy as soon as you dare criticise their 'dear children'. It's madness! Incidentally this darling girl has bullied 3 other girls now. According to her parents it's just my dd being overly sensitive!

Trulyfrstrated · 26/06/2017 17:12

How to cope with my son doing really bad at school and teacher never helping.

Plus as I work lunches at school why do I get ignored and nobody responds properly to me ,sometimes just ignorung me.
My son is 9 starts year 5 next Sept and has been doing bad except reading which I taught him well myself.
How and why wont school acknowledge or help when we've gone on about it for years?

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