Parent politics at the school gate

[TheJollyPirate]

I am really clueless about social politics at school. I work part-time and am often rushing to either drop DS off or pick him up. I do have days where I don't work and get to do all the chit-chat at the gates with other parents and like having a chance to chat and catch up. I like everybody generally as I feel life is too short to worry about what's going on at the schoolgate therefore I smile and chat to everybody.

It's taken me the three years DS has been in school to realise that several little cliques are appearing and that X doesn't like Y and makes comments about Y taking her children out of school for a holiday. In turn Y is saying that at least her kids are well behaved and that X's children are obviously spoilt as they are badly behaved. (Actually I suspect X's youngest may have ADHD as DS has this and they are peas in a pod but I digress).

In addition to X and Y we have A + B who are firm friends but apparently spend their weekends snorting cocaine according to C.

D spends her time telling everybody who will listen that her husband is a Governor at the school and that they are cracking down on those who take their children out for holidays. This is all said in the vicinity of Y because Y is NOT D's friend but X is.

I am having a hard time keeping up with all the politics. In the meantime am just smiling and chatting until I collect DS and can go.

Why do Mum's do this to each other? Isn't life already hard enough?

Ours is like this too. It is like high school. We are 'not allowed' to sit on a certain bench in the park. Like Gossip Girl. They are like this because they are bored and you are not because you work so have something else going on.

Goodness knows why people do this and I am so pleased that DS has gone to a different first school to the one DD where all this was rife. DS's school is s breath of fresh air in comparison.

I think the best thing to do in these circumstances is to not get involved and never comment if someone starts going on to you about someone else. People eventually get the message that you won't get drawn in to the whole thing and you emerge with friends and your dignity intact.

Good advice Wynke... I try to keep my distance and not get drawn into any gossip, although my DCs school is nowhere near as bad as Thejollypirates' school sounds . I have been asked a couple of times what book band my DD is on (And whilst thinking its none of your business) mumbled it. Dont think they liked the answer. You have to remember that potentially you could be with the same lot for the next x amount of years so a dignified detatchment is the best policy IMO!

Do not get drawn in. Go - drop - run.

Life is too short. Out of any random group of 100 people there are only 10 you will like and 2 you will ever be good friends with and that is all a group of parents at a school gate is - a random group of people.

DW says that school gate Mums she meets are often bored and as she as something else going on in her life like a proper exciting job they really have little in common with her.

She is pleasant to everyone but really has not much in comon so does not try too hard.

at the thought of EVERY mum without a job being like that just because they're bored!!

I'm a SAHM but don't get involved in the playground politics. I flit from one group to another and thought I was being sociable but maybe they call me a clique whore behind my back!

tbh - even if I was a SAHM I don't think I could get drawn into all the politics. Generally they are a nice crowd and I have loads of laughs with them - it's just recently I have noticed that there are definite cliques.

Please can we not attribute gossiping to not working? Correlation is not cause.

I don't think anyone is claiming that every SAHM is like this, july. But IME it does seem to be the ones that don't work - I guess because they have the time to hang around the gates after drop off/before pick up. I'm quite sure there are plenty of WOHMs who'd be equally petty if they weren't in such a rush.

There are people who gossip - if they are SAHM they are likely to gossip at the school gate, if they are WOHM they are likely to gossip in the canteen. Equally, there are plenty of both who don't gossip.

The best thing to do is just keep out of it - ignore it as much as possible and/or say "I'd rather you didn't start rumours" if they seem to be trying to drag you into things.

I don't think that SAHMs gossip more that WOHMs - its just that the SAHMs tend to know more about each other. Since I've been on maty leave and been part of the school run thing I've gotten to know the other Mums (and Dads!) much more. When I was working I didn't have a clue who anyone was and any gossiping was done in work about work colleagues!

Avoid, avoid, avoid. . Just keep your own counsel and don't get drawn in. Encourage the friendships that your DC says are important to them, be civil to the Mums and that's it. If friendships develop then great but I think it is better not to get drawn into the gossip you mention, IME no good comes from it.

This is the reason why I stay in bed in the morning and DH drops DS off at school!!!

Oh it is horrible

Ours is not tooooo bad as in it's so small everyone is at least falsely nice to each other, because otherwise it would be hell.

But so far have had one person try and drag me into it all, but telling me so and so's child had been bullying hers for a year and now had started on mine - not true - and thank Goodness I only checked with ds, rather than taking it further. (still friendly with both mums I think, though I actively like neither)

also she's demanded I meet ehr to help her with separating from her OH as she has been having an affair for a year (oh dear silly her) and I have responded by saying she is welcome to discuss it with me as I am not close with ehr OH, only to find her OH avoiding me and she is suddenly back together with him I obv handled that badly.

Never again, she is a silly, silly person and nothing but trouble. I have a feeling she is one of the worst but there are bound to be more.

it's true there are only going to be a few you really get on with. I have TWO actual friends and a few people I can chat with, and am happy with that, I also avoid socialising with any of them but the two friends.

I hate playground politics too. Horrible. One mother has ignored me pointedly for nearly a whole year. To this day I don't know why - she used to be quite friendly before....