other children "not playing fair" - how to support/encourage DS (6)

[time4tea]

Hello

DS (6, year 1) has been complaining that other children don't play fairly (refusing to take turns, making him be "it" all the time)

I've let him vent his frustrations. Then suggested that he plays with the children he identifies as playing fairly,explained that people get fed up with cheaters etc.

However, he keeps saying "yes, but that won't work because..."

does anyone have any tips on this? is he just looking for sympathy, rather than solutions?

thanks
T4T

Have a word with the teacher, and/or the mid day play leader. But bear in mind that at this age "Not fair" often means "Not my way"! It takes quite a lot of maturity and insight actually to judge whether you have been "it' more times than you should have been, or just more times than you want to be.

Let him sort out his own playground battles.

If you think he is being bullied, talk to the teacher, otherwise leave them be...they work it all out for themselves.

I'd chat to him about it but I'd let him work this out himself.

I would definetly speak to the teacher about this, its a subtle form of bullying.

In 'How to Listen so children talk' it suggest that they dont want you to try and solve things for them just to hear them and let them try and solve

So you might say 'that sounds frustrating' instead of 'why dont you' IYSWIM?
I would also mention it to the teacher just so they can keep an eye

I had this with dd (6) last year. She has a tendency to be bossy, so I suspected it was just her learning that she wasn't the only bossy-pants in the world! She was like your ds when we talked "Yes, but that won't work because..." It seemed to sort itself out. I was never very worried, because I know dd is vocal and articulate enough to argue her own case very well!

Depends on your ds, really- is he naturally outgoing or shy? Is this really causing him upset, or is it a general moan? I'd give it a couple of weeks, unless he is really upset.

thanks for all this. I've read "how to listen so children talk" - so DTG, you are right, maybe I was too quick on the advice.

DS is a gentle soul (not quiet exactly, quite a joker) and probably has more influence than he realises.

maybe it was just a moany morning. haven't heard anything much since...

I'm afraid this sort of thing is just part and parcel of school life. You can't keep running to the teacher about every little thing. It's a bit of a shock to some children to meet people who don't play by the rules but really they just have to learn to live with it.

op - some useful and interesting advice here. My DS (6, y1 )is on the other side of the fence in this situation.( Although he was singled out himself a bit by some older boys in Reception which was over very quickly) There are a group of 6 or so boys that are friendly, and one of the boys sometimes is singled out and the others ( including DS ) aren't very fair to him. This happens sometimes, but not all the time.

The boy vents his frustration at this by using physical force and subsequently gets into trouble. I know his Mum and she has many, many conversations with the teacher about it. I have discussed it with the other mums and whilst we have said its good we aware and that we can have generic conversations with our children about playing fairly, and bring them up to respect others, there is little we can do about each incident that happens in the playground.

My DH won't even give it airtime, he says " Thats the playground for you. Get used to it." A bit harsh, but I see his point. I think playground politics is a massive lesson for all DC in the many social skills they will need going through life.