School a bit worried about DS's (age 10) 'attitude' - what can I do?

[NormaSnorks]

Have just been to see DS1's teacher who says she is a bit worried about his attitude last/this term.

Background: He's v. bright and capable - probably seen as the irritating child who is always getting given parts in plays, choir solos etc.

He's normally a lovely, polite, well-mannered boy who works hard and 'gives' a lot in class, BUT it seems that over the last term or so he has started getting a bit arrogant, 'easing off' in class, seemingly not putting as much effort into things and becoming a bit less reliable (e.g. not turning up for lunchtime clubs etc).

His teacher was very nice about it, and says it's not a big issue (yet) but wants us to help to 'nip it in the bud' before it becomes established.

He's also become a bit more grumpy and demanding at home - sometimes rude too. Is this teenage hormones beginning to kick in?

I'm not quite sure what's started it/ what to do about it!?

Could well be hormones. Do you think his classmates have started to comment on him being so good/ getting parts etc? He may be trying to be 'cooler', or not wanting to stand out.

coco- I wondered about that (friends commenting?)

He was offered a really fantastic solo part in the school performance and turned it down... we (DH & I) and the school were a bit and a bit .

His teacher said something along the lines of 'he is so very talented, it would be a real shame to let him waste it'.

My DD was very good at school (behaviour and academically, crap at getting parts/sports). It was around this age that she started to say that her classmates were commenting, rolling their owns and "oh no not her again" type things.

My son was like this - but moved up to secondary school this year and has blossomed.

Boys - especially bright ones - grow out of the mumsy controlling atmosphere of primary school

In the end, in Y6, things went badly downhill for DS1. Teacher (who was unhinged anyway, imo and completely sats obsessed) was really on his case, telling he wouldn't meet his full potential, and that his attitude was awful. (In fact, his behaviour has always been excellent - it was his boredom with the rote learning that he couldn't stand.)

He got all level 5s none the less and is coming on a treat at secondary - top of his class for pretty much everything. Even his organisational skills have improved. Having different teachers for each subject, moving from class to class really suits him. Plus the teachers treat him as a person, less of a mum.

I wouldn't worry too much at all. Primary school teachers seem to be locked into their own world. Things are very different at secondary, and will no doubt suit your son fine.

I don't know how to handle with DS tonight -he knows his teacher asked to see me today.

I guess we have always spoken to him in quite an 'adult' way, so should I just be telling him what his teacher told me and saying that it's unacceptable, and he needs to think about his attitude?

I have a feeling this may make him 'rebel' even more though?

Why not try to see things from his point of view. Ask him what he thinks of the lessons, the teacher and his behaviour. Then get him to see it from her point of view. Why she would want to speak to you.

If he's bright, by the age of 10 or 11, he's of an age when he should be able to have a sensible discussion.

DS1 and I agreed that he should keep his head down, do what was expected and get through the year. And this he did, pretty much. It seemed to help that I saw it from his point of view.

Maria has a point, when DD moved to secondary school last year she was streamed so everybody was on more or less even footing.

Thanks for these helpful comments. The thing is, he's only in Yr 5 at the moment, so still another whole year at Primary, so i have to find ways to keep him motivated/ on track.

There's no doubt the school expect a lot from him - he's on track for a scholarship to senior school (poss. also a music scholarship) so he IS busy/ the pressure is on him a bit.
However so far, he's always been quite happy to take a lot on and seems to enjoy/cope with it.

His teacher's view was that he's now beginning to stand out a bit as a natural 'leader' and he has to decide whether to shirk away from it, or embrace it - all sounds a bit serious at 10 IMHO!