<<sigh.. Iv'e been asked to acompany DS on his art trip, or he can't go.

[LynetteScavo]

But I'm working that day, and it's a day we're really short staffed.

Apparently DS "has a volatile relationship with art"

Which really means this particular teacher can't control him. He misses out on art, French and Music each week, as he "has concentration problems" when this teacher is taking the class. (He has no concentration problems, he has sensory problems, and can't bear her shouting)

If I can't go, he'll have to stay at school and work, I presume with another class. (DS says this is fine) I'm just feeling so and disappointed.

I'm not even sure why, it's only at the local art gallery which I can take him to. I guess I'm disappointed in DS for not being able to behave for this teacher.

Stawberrycake you talk a lot of sense.

I've decided to pick DS up at lunch time, and take him back to work with me. I really do have to be in the office...it'll only be me, and DS can stuff some envelopes or something. That way he won't feel left out of the trip.

I spoke to his class teacher today, (who will be going on the trip) and apparently there are no staff who are prepared to take responsibility for him. She also said there are some children who won't be invited on the trip, and apparently DS was only "invited" because I might be able to go.

But as she says, in the big scheme of things on art trip is not that important, and TBH I agree. I'll be taking him to the exhibition myself, and will be subjecting him to the art galleries of London and (hopefully)Paris this summer. Funnily enough he seems quite interested in art when he's with me, especially sculpture which has always fascinated him.

His class teacher is now concerned about how he will manage next year at high school, and we will be discussing what can be put in place to settle him next year soon. If she says to me one more time" He won't survive at high school" I may scream.

It's all a bit of a wake up / reminder call for me, as he's been pretty much OK at home, apart from one incident, and I forget the school staff walk on eggshells around him, like I used to when he was younger.

Anyway, I digress. Basically in the big scheme of things I trip isn't too important.The last time he went on a school trip (in year 3 at another school) he jumped off the coach at the last minute before the doors closed and tried to run away (luckily I was nearby and saw him, and wrestled him on) But I guess bearing that in mind the school has a point.

Now, this has annoyed me...DS has come out of school today with a letter about a trip to a car museum. He is very excited - he loves cars.

There was no mention of this trip when I spoke to his teacher yesterday afternoon, and no mention that he would need someone to go with him. Why would she not mention it? I was on the phone to her for over 20 mins, and some of that was just chit chat!

Now as it happens either DH or I will be able to go, but if we couldn't this would really crush DS! I don't think they are thinking this through very well.

Not excusing the lack of foresight on the school's part but maybe it's because they don't consider him to, "have a volatile relationship with" cars and so they think they'll be able to manage his behaviour?

Firstly.. Wth is a volatile relationship with art?? IMO teacher was trying to use big words to baffle your mind... O m g!

Now to try and be of some help to you... If he needs you guys to go on every school trip with him... If they can take him out of lessons... Etc etc.. Make a sit down appointment with the school, ask for senco to be there as well as teacher, you might be able to find out who your sen parent govenor is..
Ask them what the school can and are doing to make sure that the school provide him the help he needs.. Also ask for a review meeting in say x amount of weeks to check inthe progress ds is making.... And to tailor the help he is recieving if required..
If he is moving up to high school, ask the senco to involve the ed psych to assess and place a plan of action for the transition into new school.

From what you have written I'd say the school could and should be doing a whole lot more for your son...
But you will have to be firm about getting it.

I'm really glad you took my post in the way it was intended and didn't take offence. Good luck with it all!

Maybe if you can go or the school will take him the car trip is a good opportunity to create a behaviour contract of kinds? e.g. teacher lets him return to lesson, if he keeps within set boundaries he can go? It doesn't need to mean he's in the whole lesson behaving perfectly, if that's not manaageable, but maybe that he behaves and requests to leave himself to go elsewhere if he feels he is becoming stressed, rather than being kickd out. I had this deal with a child in my class and it worked all round. Rather than being frequently sent to the office/ elsewhere he learnt to request to leave and calm down rather than disrupting others and getting into trouble. It doesn't even have to be verbal (difficult if your angry to ask nicely!) but he had a card he could place on the desk before leaving to go to the office. He normally returned after 10min of peace. It may be a way back into lessons, and no more effort for the school if they're already having to provide for him elsewhere. The child in my class gradually used it less and less, only around once a month now. See what the school make of an idea along these lines, helping him back into class whilst providing a safety valve. It will also help him learn to manage himself and his behaviour, and learn when to requet help with behaviour if he needs i in secondary school.

stawberrycake, DS has used a card in the past, and we've found it to be very useful. Also, when he is able to sue the card and get out of the class room if he wants to he tends to behave better over all. It's the one thing DH and I will insist he has in place when he goes to high school, but I'm not sure how every one of his teachers will know about it!

Do you have any ideas what might help him cope with having a different teacher for each lesson? (We've chosen a school where they don't stream, and he will have every class with his tutor group, on purpose)any ideas would be very warmly welcomed.

His relationship with the cover teacher is so poor, DH and I would rather he missed art/French/music than have them suffer each other, so we won't be pushing for him to return to class.

Ask for the SENCo/class teacher to make all staff aware of your son's card. When I had overall responsibility for behaviour at my last school I used to produce a summary of tactics/strategies that particular children were using and circulate it to all teaching staff, TAs, relevant lunchtime staff and the office staff. I also included such info in the supply files I did for each class so cover teachers had it too. Teachers were expected to use these strategies (and to do so was often built into performance management reviews).

I'm now at a different school and not in charge of behaviour but currently cover PPA; children who find it hard to behave find it even harder with someone who isn't 'their' teacher but I bend over backwards to try to use exactly the same strategies as the classteacher uses. Obviously this isn't 100% successful and it's much harder to build a relationship with any child if you only teach them for a couple of hours a week.

At my DH's school staff make excellent use of the internal e-mail to remind teachers that X or Y needs this, that or the other whether that be a pastoral thing, behavioural or a temporary broken leg that means extra time is needed between lessons.

Your DS may benefit from being equipped with a photoboard/photo timetable of his different teachers so he can see exactly who he'll be having when and, perhaps be allocated a buddy or two whom he'll be able to sit with in every lesson (and possibly the same position in each classroom) so that the changing variables are reduced.

I've always been in primary so I'm not a great source of ideas for secondary. They tend to be far more rigid in their approach. Personally (if it were my child) I would try to persist with the poor relationship with the cover teacher and some re-introduction to lessons (even if limited)now and at least get him to attend some lessons, just as expereince of how to overcome future difficult relationships and perserve in class. It may build his confidence in being able to cope and give him some maturity by showing he can be trusted to overcome problems independently to some extent. If he manages and recieves a lot of praise for coping he may feel more adult.

Otherwise I would also start trying to arrange contact now, rather than waiting, with the SENCO at secondary to discuss potential issues and coping strategies before he even starts. They will have encountered similar issues before and will have ideas. I know for example one secondary w link with that offers children with potential transition issues a summer school at the high school to help the children adapt, another invites primary children for the last term to an after school club and one takes a few year 6s for the last hour on Thursdays. Ask the primary senco to make contact and ask to arrange a meeting. IT's best to pre-empt issues. Also knowing what you're dealing with will help you as a family to support your son, schools vary massively in their approaches.

SE13Mummy, those ideas are great, thanks!

Strawberryshortcake...I wasn't sure about when to contact the high school, if at all. I'm veering between sticking my head in the sand and doing nothing and saying "He'll be fine, we just have to trust him" and having a blind panic, thinking there is ^no way" he's going cope, what the hell are we thinking sending him to high school?

Thanks for every ones support...I have no one in RL to talk to about DS, apart from DH,who thinks I fuss too much. The funny thing is people on t'internet who have never met him, seem to understand what he needs more people who know him in RL!