Feel like we're failing my DS

[LadyGaggia]

He's just turned 6 and I'm struggling to help him understand his maths homework.

All he has to do is count in 5's with me. I say 5, he says 10, I say 15 and so on.
He just doesn't seem to grasp it at all.

I appreciate that I need to spend more time at home with him, but it is hard to a) pin him down for long, and b) to find good learning time around all the other things we do after school with DD and him.
I did hope that school might have taught him something.

It is driving me insane and I had to walk away.

It's not just maths. His reading is awful and yesterday he seems to have "forgotten" that e is sounded out like eh.

Please give me some suggestions of books or programmes that might help me support him

My son (5) enjoys the Key Stage 1 CBBC internet games which are maths/English related.

Google "CBBC KS1" or something similar and you will see it, hopefully. Someone on mn recommended it a while back.

He is only little though.

I am sure ds was older than that when he learnt his 5 times table. He was 6 1/2 before he really twigged about reading and is still a slow reader at 9. I don't think anyone is to blame; that's just how he is.

Remember in many European countries he would not yet have started school, so noone would be expecting him to read yet.

I would try to relax a little bit. Keep on reading him stories and talking to him and generally keeping him interested, but don't blame either yourself or the school- it may simply be that he is a slow developer and will take off any moment.

I agree with cory.

He's so young to be doing formal schooling and doesn't sound ready for it IMO, even though he obviously has to go. Some (a few) children will be ready to count in 5s at his age, but for many it would be a challenge.

"It is driving me insane and I had to walk away" - tbh i would try to chill out a bit and make formal learning less of an issue as your frustration might put him off, making him fearful of getting it wrong and less likely to want to do it.

FWIW I think boys of 6 should be outdoors after school, running in the park, climbing trees, making up games with their friends, laughing and joking and having fun - not sitting at a desk trying to count in 5s. Childhood is so short and these summer evenings are so precious for young children. But I know many schools' homework policy is at odds with this (including our school, and it makes me cross).

I'm sure your DS will "get" reading and maths in his own time, at his own pace. In the meantime, don't worry, and if he can't do the set homework so be it - I would just leave it and tell the teacher he's not ready for this level of work. Then let him play

Thank you.

He does so much playing and I am happy for him to continue his happy go lucky existence, but his teacher says he is in the bottom set for everything and I feel that he is being left behind.

I will try and chill out more and let him have a go on the cbbc games.

Try getting him to whisper the numbers in between - so he whispers "1, 2, 3, 4" then says loudly "5", you whisper "6, 7, 8, 9" and then say loudly "10" etc. Use fingers as you count so he can see the pattern and knows he always says the thumb number loudly (or little finger if you start at the thumb!)

Also make maths concrete. Smarties! Get smarties and get him to group them into 5's and then count how may there are. Then you put 4 groups on a plate ad he has to say how many there are etc. Make it fun.
It is far more important that kids get the idea that there is a reality behind the numbers.
Similarly wit reading, make sure he likes books. Read to him a lot. When he starts to read get him to read to his little sister.

Is he at prep school? Because I would be horrified at children being put in sets at 5. His teacher is also ridiculous to say he will always be in bottom sets, he is 5, children change a lot.

Ladygaggia - all the above posters are probably correct - he is SO young and may just be taking things in his own time.

I would just raise a small cautionary flag based on my experience with DS. He struggled with number work from day one, he was very slow to read (didn't really master it until he was nearly eight - and still hates it). It didn't add up for me because verbally he is a very clever little lad. Consequently I spent a lot of time, like you, walking away from the table biting my tongue or worse, accusing him of deliberately 'forgetting' stuff/not trying. Turns out he's dyslexic. [insert 'crap mum' emoticon here].

I'm not trying to worry you unnecessarily - as others have said, he's still a baby - but if you feel that he's struggling with reading/writing/numbers then it might be worth keeping the dyslexia thing in the BACK of your mind. On a practical note we used a set of books to help DS with his reading and they really DID help. Will post the name of them in a minute...

Arg - worried now that I've taken my situation and applied it (unnecessarily!) onto yours. Apologies if I have.

Either way here are the books that we used with ds www.prometheantrust.org/soundfoundationsbooks.htm

They aren't cheap but have helped ds a lot.

My DS loves mathletics, I sit him on my lap and we do it together. They have a words/phonics version too.

We also have the ELC phonics book and cd and the phonics writing books, they run concurrently with the school so it's not an additional thing to learn.

At least you are trying with him, a lot of mums in my ds school don't even look in the book bag, let alone help at home.

One day it may just all click, so stay calm and just both try your best to have some fun learning some things.

(Mathletics makes me realise how much I have forgotten too lol)

OP, don't forget that however much all the parents of his teacher's class pushed their children, somebody would still end up in the bottom set. Doesn't necessarily mean that anyone has failed him.

Ds was in the bottom sets for everything until Yr 5; has now cautiously started moving up. I never felt there was anything particularly wrong with his place there: he was learning things and progressing, but there is no doubt that most of the other children were cleverer/earlier developers/ possibly both than he was. That in itself does not constitute failure.

What mummytime says! My kids got into maths as soon as they realised it had to do with sharing sweets fairly!

Get out anything he really likes or collects. Gogos are great for maths. Or cards, or sweets or even copper coins if he's already interested in money. Get him to group them in fives to work out how many he has.

Also, at that age we decided to give them a fair bit of pocket money each week. Instead of buying them a comic or sweets, cards, sticker etc. we gave them cash and they had to spend it, check the change, save up if a comic was too expensive to buy one week etc. It made maths relevant to them.

I would remove my child instantly from any school that a)set 6 year olds and b) referred to "the bottom set". Absolutely outrageous.

Surely he's only in Year 1? My DCs didn't start times tables until Yr 2 and the five times is DD2's (7) least favourite (she's doing 2,3, 5 and 10. I think). She certainly wouldn't have known it last year.

Setting in Yr 1 doesn't have to be disastrous, seeker, as long as it is done tactfully. My ds struggled terribly as long as he had to work with children with great academic ability and though he was really stupid; he only really took off when they were separated and he could work with children of his own ability. Of course they didn't refer to them as the bottom set. They were called something totally innocuous like the Blue Table.

But there is a huge difference between making sure that each child has appropriate work, which any good teacher will do, and formal setting with an overt bottom set - which is what seems to be going on in the OP's school. It was the teacher telling her that her child was in the bottom set for everything that I thought particularly outrageous.

So much research shows that ability isn't fixed, it's learnable. I prefer talk of current attainment in the classroom. Children have a habit of living up to our expectations and it's unhealthy and dangerous for any to believe they are 'stupid' or indeed extremely bright.

Hear hear! Still seething on OP's child's behalf about "the bottom sets"!

I have only read the first few answers - but I agree that boys (particularly) at that age - they get it when they get it - and you really can't force it (I know this from experience with my own 3 boys).

Just try and keep supporting him low keys (so no chance of failure) - do lots of adding 5s in conversation - eg money, or time, or weights - it will begin to have some relevance then. And with reading - you read to him a lot, point out the words as you read them - point out the sounds etc - only have him read if he wants to - maybe every other line. Read whatever books he enjoys.

And leave the rest to the school - he needs a break when he gets home - not more lessons

My DS (5, yr1) is sort of same. His maths is different, in that he has clicked with it and is doing well but his reading's not strong at all. He's sub level 1 or was at end of last term. His teacher says he often sees it, especially in summer born boys and the worst thing to do is to push them before they're ready. They're quietly doing lots with him, but in no way letting him know he's behind or that it's a worry, as to them it's not.

Of course kids do compare so DS knows his reading isn't as strong as lots of the others, but the school's done lots to make him feel special in other ways, so praise his dancing, maths, art and he's even in the Gifted and Talented group, as they reckon he's very bright and creative even if academically who knows yet. Bit long winded this, but thought as a comparison it might help. I'd say if the school are putting your son on the bottom table and making him know he's there that's really shoddy. Why not go in and see them and talk about his self esteem - if he starts to believe he's not very bright that could stick with him. He is only little still and as others have said it'll come.

Playing is so important, especially when children aren't ready yet to meet the levels they are supposed to be achieving in schools. Remember that the expected levels that children are meant to achieve are a broad average. Some will excel, some will get left behind, but it's ok. Don't get cross with him or feel that you are failing. He is an individual, learning at his own pace.

To help him, I would suggest that you play with him and at the same time ask him questions about what he is doing. From a literacy perspective, talking is a major component. If he can talk consistently in proper sentences, the written work will soon follow. Include maths in the game. Counting Lego bricks, counting groups of five cars etc. Also, remember that he has been at school all day, and he may need a break when he gets home. Try and make it informal, not sit down work. If he isn't responding to this method of learning at school, he is unlikely to respond to it at home.

Good luck