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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

unapproachable teachers

28 replies

spongecustard · 30/04/2010 13:08

i generally feel that i cannot approach ds teachers (he is in reception), without being made to feel like a pushy parent. He is doing well with his reading and writing, but if i ask any questions re. this (i have done only very rarely), they just generally give some half hearted answer. He gets 2 reading books sent home each week so we normally change these mid week because, luckily for me, he really enjoys reading with me every night. Do you think this has made the teachers think i am pushy? Or am i being paranoid?

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boakleesk · 30/04/2010 13:46

I wouldn't say you are being pushy - but do you see the teacher at the start of the day when all the children are arriving / milling about? If so then the teacher's mind really isn't on what you are asking but making sure that they are all safe. Perhaps if you spoke to the teacher and asked for an appointment before or after school then she would be able to give you more time and more information?

Original poster

spongecustard · 30/04/2010 14:22

i go into school at the end of the day. I have to say i am otherwise very happy with the teachers and they have brought my son on brilliantly. i just wish i felt more comfortable with them. Are there any reception teachers on mumsnet? if so what would you think of a mum who changes their childs books more than norm?

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HappyMummyOfOne · 30/04/2010 16:04

Do you actually go on and change the books yourself or does your DS just do the extra change? If you go in and change them (parents changing books is not usually the norm) then I can see why they may think you are a pushy parent.

If once or twice a year with a quick question after class I cant see that hurting, if more and parents evening is not enough then I would make an appointment rather than interrupting the teacher who probably has a million and one things to do before she/he goes home.

Original poster

spongecustard · 30/04/2010 16:15

yes sorry, ds changes books while i wait.

OP posts:

Original poster

spongecustard · 30/04/2010 16:29

Thinking about it now, i can see teachers are so busy with everything the last thing they need are questions from me at the end of the day (like i said i think only 2 since sept), when my ds is doing fine anyway.
We were very lucky with our pre school which is very friendly and always gave a little run down of your childs day if asked, so school has been a bit of a wrench for me. Ds has been absolutely happy as larry everyday! Thanks everyone for helping me analyse my feelings. Think maybe it is just me.

OP posts:

squashpie · 30/04/2010 22:31

I think teachers get "distance training" to deal with parents!! At my DS's school they put what they are studying each week on a white board outside the classroom, together with requests for assistance, notices about change of PE etc etc. I asked a question about one of the things they were studying last week and you'd've thought, from her reaction, that I'd personally attacked her or something. It was a 2 second question requiring a 2 second answer but was prolonged by the deep intake of breath and the pursed lips before responding, without even looking at me, and moving back inside the classroom . The teacher is a great teacher but it p's me off when she behaves like this. It's rude and, frankly, if it weren't for parents like us, taking an interest in our DC's work and supporting it where we can outside of the classroom, the school would not be the outstanding school it is. And we pay our taxes which help to fund the school so why can't we ask questions about how it's run/ what they do? Furthermore, my DC is not a 'problem' child, either from an academic/ behavioural point of view, just an average child doing well enough, so it's not as if a great deal of extra time is being spent on him anyway. I think my questions don't eat up too much of her time. Ok rant over!

EvilTwins · 30/04/2010 22:53

If you needed to see your Doctor, or you Bank Manager, would you pop in at the end of the day to ask a question, or would you make an appointment?

Try to think of it like that, please. You may feel that your question is only going to take up "two seconds" of a teacher's time, but that's clearly not the case. And if every parent of every child in the class wanted to ask a similar question, then it would take up large amount of time.

You are perfectly entitled to ask questions about how the school is run (though about the "we pay our taxes" comment - see my earlier question about Doctors, and attach surgeons, members of your local council, fire fighters, police officers etc) but if you want to discuss something, make an appointment.

Your DC's teachers are not at your beck and call.

EvilTwins · 30/04/2010 22:54

your Bank Manager.

daisy243 · 30/04/2010 23:39

I am a community psychiatric nurse and when I am at my desk I am constantly interrupted by phonecalls, usually of relatives of my patients. Should I tell them to make an appointment to speak to me? If you have a question to ask your child's teacher you should be able to ask it.
Bee

Feenie · 01/05/2010 10:44

And are you constantly interrupted by during appointments, daisy? And do you answer the phone during appointments? It's difficult to answer questions at the start of the day when in charge of 30 children (although I do, it doesn't bother me). I am happy to talk for longer at the end of the day.

Squashpie, your taxes comment made me too. Rude and completely unnecessary.

Trafficcone · 01/05/2010 10:57

Book changing Mums always make me laugh. It is pushy and hot housey. Your child will learn to read at their own pace and fifty magic key books a week won't change that. If they've finished and are bored of the school book (though repetition is VERY important at that age) then why can't they read books you have at home?? My kids were far happier with interesting books at home than those awful school level books. But then I guess if you read books from home you don't get to boast about what level or colour sticker your child is on do you??

A friend of mine did it, pushed and pushed and drove the teacher potty with wanting her pushed to the next level. By year two her DD got no better SATs scores than my DD, in fact a lower reading score as naturally, pushy Mum or not, literacy wasn't her thing, maths was.

My Mum is a reception teacher and she always laughs when the Mum says "oh they beg to get their book changed" and then the child says "Mummy says I have to change my book" with a miserable look on their faces.

Goblinchild · 01/05/2010 11:05

If you ask a question, you want an answer that has been thought about, is accurate and with some eye contact. Which you probably wouldn't get from me at the beginning of the day.
If you collar me and I get it wrong, only give you half an answer or appear to be staring into the middle distance because I'm scanning the heaving masses, you will get irritated and complain. That's why we have message boards and such-like reminders.

cornsilk · 01/05/2010 11:10

A teachers day doesn't end when the kids go home. They often have a meeting to go to, or development training, or may want to phone a parent or speak to the Head Teacher about something. So if the teacher isn't giving you her full attention it is very likely because they are mulling other things over in their mind at the same time.

mrz · 01/05/2010 11:28

daisy243 I think it very much depends what the person is doing when they are "interrupted". Presumably you wouldn't be happy if you were working with a patient and you were constantly interrupted (I know I would be unhappy if I were your patient) but wouldn't mind if you were "shuffling paperwork" the same applies to teachers. If they are free to talk most will without an appointment but if they have "things they must do" after school such as attend meetings, take/make phone calls, which unlike you they can't take while working, training to get to or a thousand and one other things which are part of their directed time after children leave.

RollaCoasta · 01/05/2010 11:32

The biggest wind-up is the highlighted message in the reading diary (often in red pen and/or capital letters), informing that Little Johnny must change reading level NOW, as the books 'aren't challenging him'.

Part of my job is to know when Little Johnny needs to move up a level, and when I judge that his reading is good enough, I will do just that!!

Rude and meddling......

And what's the big obsession with reading levels?

HeavyMetalGlamourRockStar · 01/05/2010 11:39

And I bet you do a damn fine job RollaCoasta but there are a few of your colleagues who often seem to be asleep at the wheel.

We are not meddling - what a crap word to use about parents who are interested and supportive of their child's education.

I suppose it would be better for you if parents couldn't care less but I'm sure you'd be whinging about that too!

RollaCoasta · 01/05/2010 11:41

I don't mind them asking me about it - it's the higlights, capitals and red pen I object to.

HeavyMetalGlamourRockStar · 01/05/2010 12:10

Fair point Rollacosta

RollaCoasta · 01/05/2010 12:17

To be fair - they're very few and far between... I think I've exaggerated slightly! .... but it is annoying when it does happen!!!

APassionateWoman · 01/05/2010 12:25

My son's teacher is always happy to have a brief chat at the end of the day (couple of mins) or make an appointment to discuss things further. They are our (very small!) children, FGS. Why should you not be able to ask questions or make suggestions about their education? It is not being pushy, providing you respect the teacher's working day and make an appointment if your query is going to take more than a minute or two.

Trafficcone · 01/05/2010 12:28

Rollacosta Its all about Mumupmanship and level bragging in the playground. Hilariously funny to watch.

Original poster

spongecustard · 01/05/2010 13:19

I am not aware of mumupmanship in our school yet. I just want to support my ds as best as i can. I wouldn't dream of telling other mums what book band etc he is on, just as other mums don't brag to me.

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daisy243 · 01/05/2010 19:15

For those that asked. I don't generally get disturbed when talking to patients, but then I wouldn't walk into dd's class aftr 9am and disturb it then. The dropping off and picking up is the only time when we see the teacher. I get phonecalls all through my lunch as I only have a desk to sit at (no staff room). A BIG part of my job is very detailed written assessments and it is really annoying being phoned in the middle of doing that...usually involves closing one set of notes opening another (on the pc) etc....but hopefully nobody would know that they were bugging me!
I only ask for my dd's books to be changed otherwise it sometimes doesn't happen from one end of the week to the other.

mrz · 01/05/2010 19:45

daisy243 I also get phone calls (often when I'm teaching) which I either return in my lunch break or after school, sometimes they are even to CAMHS and sometimes I have meetings over my lunchtime or after school and even during my holidays and on those occasions when I am unavailable I ask parents to make an appointment for a time I am free to give them my undivided attention.
Funnily enough my work also entails detailed written assessments and reports which I do in my own time.

daisy243 · 01/05/2010 19:56

Not trying to get into a fight about who has the hardest job
My only point is it isn't only teachers that get interrupted by people when they are trying to do their job!
Bee

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