Any tips for helping 'shy' DS's transistion from nursery to 'big' school?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

DS is a fairly quiet child (I hesitate to use the word shy because that's what I was always called at school and I hated it and it made me worse) and doesn't seem keen at all on going to 'big' school.

He currently goes to a private nursery two days a week and to playschool two mornings as well. He's been going to nursery since he was about 7 months old but he still is never really keen on going. He always says he wants to stay with me. The same with playschool too. The staff say he is generally fine once he's there and just takes a while to settle. Sometimes he gets himself really worked up and upset when I leave him though.

He's very bright and never stops talking at home but just not so confident in larger group situations, and is much happier playing when there aren't many other children about. He does have a couple of close friends at nursery and that makes it easier to leave him in the morning because he will go over and play with them now and is excited to see them. Unfortunately they're not going to the same primary school as him.

Recently he's become even more reluctant to leave me, even getting upset when DP gets him ready for bed or drops him at nursery because he wants me to do it.

When I mention going to school he just says he doesn't want to go. I've tried to explain how he's play games, sing songs, etc and it will be fun but he just says he doesn't want to. He says some of the children at nursery can write and he is worried because he can't. I've told him that it doesn't matter if he can write or not because he'll learn when he's at school in his own time and the other children are probably a bit older than him.

I'm just worried that when he starts he'll be really upset when I drop him off every morning and he'll find it difficult to settle. He'll be four at the end of August so he'll be the youngest in the year as well. Any tips for making it easier for him? Not sure whether talking about it is helping!

Sorry - that ended up a bit longer than I planned!

Hello,

I'm a child psychologist and have done a little bit of specialism in transitions (although mostly for primary-secondary school), so I hope I can offer some helpful advice...

I think maybe ease up a little on the talking about it, as he is a little young to properly understand reasoning about the future. Talking about it now will keep it as a "big deal" in his mind and could create a kind of sticking point. You culd gradually add things into conversation, e.g. if you pass a shoe shop, you could say "oooh, look at those shoes. They're the kind of shoes boys wear when they go t big school" (or something. Then leave it at that)

You could also try doing some fun activities at home that relate to the things he is worried about e.g. making letter shapes out of biscuit dough or salt dough, painting, etc. You could help him make the letters of his name out fo salt dough (the kind you abke to make hard), then paint or decorate them.

Talk to the early years co-ordinator at his primary school and find out what kind of induction they offer. Lots of primary schools have god procedures for this and they may let you take him for a few extra days to have a look at the toys, playground, etc at the end of this term.

Is there a way you could make contat with some other parents whose DCs will be going to his new school? Could arrange some playdates.

More generally, you could try taking him out and about as much as you can, esp during the summer break, to play centres, stay n play sessions at your local children's centre. It would help him get used to meeting more new children and spending time in different settings. That way, when he starts his school in Sept he will have more experieince of new places.

HTH?

Also, with regards to the fact he still gets upset when you leave him at nursery although he has been going for a long time, some children get into a kind of habit about it. Like, "I'm at nursery, mummy is leaving, this is when I normally get upset and cry" (though obv, they don't actually think in those terms!). You might find that when he starts school, that habit gets broken because it is a new place, etc, and he settles more quickly.

p.s. I really like your nn, by the way. I have that song stuck in my head now

Thanks that's really helpful. I like the idea of making biscuit letters - he has got it into his head that he can't write (I think one of the children at nursery might have said something to him) but he is really good at drawing and at recognising letters, so making the letters of his name and putting them in the right order would be a good way of showing him he can 'write'.

I think you're right that talking to him is making it into too much of a big deal.

We do go to groups together - stay and play, etc but he tends to play alone or with me while he's there and gets upset if children he doesn't know come into his personal space. He tends to be ok in one-on-one situations with one other child and will happily play at friend's houses. A couple of my friend's DCs are going to the same school so we're going to make more of an effort to see them more during the summer so he knows them a bit better.

...but I haven't got a stitch to we-ar!

I think Plimsolls advice is excellent with some good strategies. I have an identical sounding ds to you! what helped in his recent transition(new nursery attached to the school he will be going to) was playdates beforehand with children who will also be starting and visiting the school a couple of times beforehand. The staff allowed us to take pictures of the room and the staff members and some of the activities they do and we looked at the photos over the holidays and talked about the fun things that would be happening.
cbeebies mag/jolly phonics workbooks useful for practising beginner writing skills in a fun way and may offer some reassurance he is 'writing'.
good luck - would be interesting to see how you get on - we'll be posting in the thread about new reception starters (cant remember the name of it but here somewhere) ...

don't make a big deal about it. Stop going on about it. If you do mention school, make it clear it's actually 'nursery for older children'. make sure he understands that he goes in the morning and you pick him up at lunch time.

First day - he'll copy your reaction. Find a mum and introduce yourself to mum and new child. Tell them how cool they look in their uniform, introduce them to your DS. idf you walk into the playground and keep yourself to yourself with a face tripping the floor, then so will your DS.