Enthusiasm

[realitychick]

Posting here because it's the right age group but it's more about outside-school activities.

Sorry - this is long.

I have Yr3 twin boys. One has loads of passions - almost too many. he loves singing in choir, playing piano and chess at school. At home he has two different patches of the garden that he tends all by himself, he loves playing on swings, trapeze, trampoline and also makes his own comics and runs his own little science lab.He also loves helping cook and clean.

His brother loves computer games and TV and has to be coaxed into doing everything else as if it were a chore. Unless I stand over him he won't do anything not screen related. He's sociable and popular whereas his busy-brother is much more of a loner, though he does have friends. It's not that I want him to go overboard, but i would love him to have soem enthusiasms. even my mum - who is not a critical person, noticed when they visited that one was showing off his piano playing and dragging grandad round the garden, while the other sat watching tv whenever he got the chance.

I'm not sure what to do to help him along.

Being honest - I haven't vast amounts of energy or patience to force kids to have fun. I don't want to stand over him and 'make' him enjoy art or guitar or any of the things he's shown a passing interest in before. I even have to nag like mad to get him out on his bike on a sunny day, though he used to love cycling. Now he goes once round the block dutifully and then asks to go home again.

In general he's quite a happy boy but I can't help feeling he'd be more contented if he had some interests other than Moshi monsters. He gets disheartened very easily. he sent a gorgeous drawing into a magazine but it wasn't printed and it really knocked his confidence. It's as though anything he does must be for outside praise, rather than his own pleasure.

Any advice?

Thanks.

If he's happy, contented, and sociable, then what exactly is the problem? I think you're comparing two very different people, and judging one against the other, and your less-hobby-minded son may well feel put off from even starting something because of the comparison and the "standing over him".

If you feel you absolutely have to push him into having a hobby, then maybe you should start from things he enjoys - spending time with friends - rather than a solitary hobby. People are different, even twins.

You're right, it's not helpful to compare them. They are very different. But I think even if he were an only child I'd still be racking my brains at this stage to try and help him get interested in something other than computer games during the inevitable periods of time when he has to occupy himself.

He does have sociable activities that he enjoys - Beavers and Art Club and Explorers, and has friends over or plays with them a lot. But first thing in the morning, or as soon as he gets in from school, his immediate thought is to get onto a screen. That's not healthy. And it would be easier to wean him away from that with something he loved. All my happiest memories of childhood involved things we did, not programmes we watched. I don't think it's wrong to want him to find something that he can get absorbed in on his own, which isn't screen related.

He isn't you! Sorry but I have lots of memories of watching TV and: juggling balls, knitting, reading a book.
However if you want to reduce screen time then you need to introduce it as a family policy. So no TV in the morning, and only so much time after school. I have had friends who use a coin payment system, (play money), when you've spent your allowance no more TV.
But he sounds fine to me. I think there maybe subtle competition going on between the two. If you've ever read Horrid Henry, have your read the story where Henry is good for a day?
Also maybe he just needs so way of zoning out when he gets home. My DH has been known to just watch TV when he gets in, although its often the computer nowadays and email.

If the problem is the amount of screen time then limit it. But don't stand over him or nag him to do anything specific - just leave it up to him to find other things to do. If he says he's bored, you can have a list of dull but useful chores to suggest, but otherwise this isn't about what he does, or how he should be more like his brother, it is just about setting limits to screen time.

Yes, it is about screen time limits and my reluctance to do battle over them. I'd rather confront the issue as a positive - how to get him enthused with something he'll willingly do rather than as a negative - screen banning.

Mummytime - his brother is more like I was, so maybe I have been wanting him to behave in a more familiar way without realising that was judgemental. It's interesting to get strong responses that say just let him be.

Thanks for the help.

Of Course my DS really does have too much screen time, has been known to watch Dr Who also playing/writing computer games on a lap top. He is 13, and will get a good mark for ICT (or half of it), and teacher thinks he should do a computer programing A'level.
However your son still does Beavers etc.
We have a subtle campaign to get my son to one of the local youth groups, as I don't think he mixes enough. But then again he has a very social younger sister who is out most nights and any spare time is spent at the stables.