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Primary education

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God i feel like the worlds worst parent advice please for the sobbing wreck!

11 replies

TitsalinaBumSquash · 24/04/2010 18:42

My son is 5, he started reception in September, we had his paretn evening recently and they said all was fine except his total inability to concerntrate and sit still, this has been raised with his hospital care team (he has cf) and now were waiting for a referal to the child development center and also CHAMS for his behaviour problems which are basicly that i have no control over him what so ever and he is especialy violent.

Anyway like i say the teachers are lovely and they said work wise he is doing fine so actually at school im not worried, at home however is a total oppisite work wise and he seems to know nothing, his spellings, reading and writing are applaing and he claims he doesnt know them, he takes a rough guess at words without even looking at them .

For instance the word 'the' we will see it on a page and we will go through it and look at it untill he knows what it says, so we turn the page and see the word again but he will be back to 'dunno' when asked if he knows what it says, he will then just cry or laugh or look around, fiddle with things ect.
Iit is really frustrating and i dont know hhow to remedy it.
Im probably not explaining this well at all but basicly the issue is that at school he is fine but at home he wont do any sort of school work which he is supposed to be doing.
To make matters worse my Mum who i usually speak to about this sort of thing died 2 weeks ago and now i feel a bit helpless.

OP posts:
cyb · 24/04/2010 18:49

Take a back seat with the homework. he is five. I'm amazed to be honest he has any kind of reading book at all from the school.

I would hope the teacher woiuld understand if you decided doing 'work' with him at home was a bad idea and not to push it.

Sorry to hear about your Mum, it sounds like you are still very raw from that.

clayre · 24/04/2010 18:52

My 7yo dd is very similar at home, she claims she cant read and cant write at homework time, does everything to avoid it, i was really worried, i spoke to her teacher and she said that dd can read fluently and write perfectly fine sentences (phonics), my owm theory is the books are too bloody boring, shes not interested in them, we have got her working now by rewarding her for sitting and doing her reading with no fuss every nite, her reward is 50p on a friday for tuckshop at school and at the moment that seems to be working, i used to dread it, she would end up crying and i would end up shouting

PixieOnaLeaf · 24/04/2010 18:52

This reply has been deleted

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Merle · 24/04/2010 19:31

I'm not a teacher but I do know that words like 'the' and 'and' are more difficult to learn to recognise and read that other words, such as nouns 'boat', 'dog' etc. Words like 'the' don't really mean anything on their own, do they?

One of my sons struggled with this. We went on holiday at the end of Year 1 and spent the fortnight doing flashcards of words like this with him. After two weeks, very little had gone in, we couldn't understand it. He's Yr6/L5 reading now and has been for some time.

optimisticmumma · 24/04/2010 19:47

Titsalina - so sorry to hear about your mum, no wonder you feel so at sea..
I am a teacher and I also have teenage children. Please, please don't worry about this. If your DS is doing well at school tbh he has probably had enough of working at school and just wants to come home and play. Let him.
FWIW my son, who is now in the 6th form of a local grammar couldn't read the word 'the' for ages. It was so frustrating and I couldn't understand why he couldn't recognise the word each time. It did click in the end.
Just wanted to post to hopefully give you a bit of perspective!

IngridFletcher · 24/04/2010 19:57

Lots of children do this. He doesn't want to do the work at home or he is trying to wind you up. I would back off and when it clicks he will start to want to read.

I am really sorry about your mum. I lost mine when my eldest was little and it was very hard.

TheArsenicCupCake · 24/04/2010 20:11

It's great news that you have camhs involvement for the behaviour issues.. Had to work my scks off to get that for ds2 and in theory you should get some helpful tips to use. So this help is really positive.

With regard to homework, honestly he is still really young. I wouldnt push it tbh.. What might help ( and I'm not sure of your routine, so ignore if this is irrelevant) is enjoy a book in chill out time before bed. Have a few about so he can choose. So it becomes a nice time for him and he learns an enjoyment of literature. Ds2 at eleven still has bedtime book, for an hour before he goes to bed.. Rather than tv or electronics.. He loves it and I love Reading to him ( severly dyslexic and has asd) it has really helped with his behaviour as well.

amidaiwish · 24/04/2010 20:16

if you do want to do a bit of reading with him out of school i would try at the weekend or even in the morning just after breakfast if you have time.
in the evening after school they have had enough from my experience.

but agree with the others, he is just 5, don't fret and sorry about losing your mum.

treedelivery · 24/04/2010 20:21

Honesty truly my dd1 [who is meant to be bright and they tell me s dong very well] is completely and utterly the same in regards to reading.

Forget about it, let school handle the reading. You concentrate on enjoyng him, cuddle in bed and read a jolly funny book together - or better still have larks n the park. t isn't his GCSE year, and these thngs seem to generally come out in the wash.

I can't really comment on the behavioural side of things as I have zero knowledge of such things. All can say that if he is...er....a spirted chap ...then maybe sitting and blending words after a day trapped in a class room is torture. SO maybe more good reason to let hm blast off hs cobwebs with physical rather than mental relaxaton. Then when the refereal comes through maybe they will give you some tailor made tips on how to help him with his concentration and so on.

I'm sorry about your mum. x

DreamTeamGirl · 25/04/2010 01:43

Aww gosh, so sorry about your mum
My Dad died 1 days a go and I am all adrift too

Re your DS. My DS also struggled with 'the' apparently its a tough word (who knew??)

I havent got DS' book bag to hand, but there is a 'conversation' between his teacher and I about 'the' and she said its one of those words they just have to learn as it isnt one they sound out (I think thats right, as I say doing it from memory) and suggested popping it on a card and trying learning it that way

It doesnt sound like he is doing too badly, so please dont beat yourself up xx

mummytime · 25/04/2010 07:28

The big problem with "the" is it doesn't have an attached mental picture. So don't worry about it.
I'd forget reading, and work on his ears. Play games where you sound out words like CAT and see if he can guess them. Then even more advanced try sound maths. So what is FLAT without the L? Or what is CAT if you add a S at the start. You can even do that while walking around etc.
Fresh air and exercise can help with your grieving too. Good luck!

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