How would your 4/5 year old react to a child who...

[FightingDwarf]

...has no or very little hair (usually wears a headscarf), has lots of tubes under her t-shirt in a little bag (hickman line and gastrostomy) and has a lot of time off school?

I'm wondering how best to prepare DD for starting school in September. Will the other kids notice? Ask her/the teacher/their parents questions? What sort of questions might they ask? Do 4 and 5 year olds have much understanding of cancer? DD has no concept whatsoever of death and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible, but some of the other children will have come across it in some way, won't they? Should I talk to her about it before she comes home from school upset with another childs "explanation" or am I worrying about nothing there?

To be honest, whatever responses I try coach her with, she'll probably just shrug when another child talks to her anyway!

DS is 4 and starts school in Sept.

I think he would comment along the lines of "what's this?". Once he is given a very straightforward answer, he will not dwell on it any more. DS hasn't ever made any comments about Cerrie on cbeebies (think because she is on the telly and not physically right in front of him). He saw someone in a wheelchair and he said "what's this?".

Regarding death, DS does "know" that when you die, you go to heaven with the angels. He has not thought it through and he certainly does not yet associate illness with dying. Little kids are forever getting minor illnesses which make them feel grotty, but then they get better so illness is temporary in the eyes of my DS.

my ds who is 4 would be very intrigued at first and will ask loads of qustions then he would probably go 'oh rite do you wanna play cars haha'.. kids at that age arent really botherd and any explanation will please them.
if it was my dd when she was 4 she would have probably not asked anything but looked after her as she is quite the mother hen ..

good luck xx

my dd starts reception in sept, and she would probably be interested and ask questions but also be very accepting of what was said to her and then carry on

children of that age just accept people for what they are and then just carry on anyway.

But I would soeak to the teacher and make sure she has a good knowledge as they may ask him/her questions about your dd

DS was in school with a fixator frame on his leg - a tower of steel from foot to thigh with numerous pins going right through his leg.

I went in with him and we did a sort of show and tell together - explained why, answered some questions. It had a v positive effect and meant he wasn't constantly answering the same qiestions. it also made the class feel confident, knowledgable and protective of him in the playground, and in response to older children.

does your dd know that she is being treated for cancer? presumably she does as she will have heard it in appointments, apart from anything else.

DS knew about cancer at 4, and knew that smoking causes cancer and the possible outcome. 5 & 5 yos pick that sort of thing up v easily fm TV etc. It may be helpful to explain to her that cancer isn't one illness, but is a different illness depending where in your body is.

Agree with everyone else that 4/5 year olds are very open and accepting of difference.
One thing that has cropped up with my (almost 5) DD is the conecpt of things being catching. We have a friend whose toddler has Downs Syndrome and has been very poorly with her heart. DD said she didn't want her to come to her birthday party because she didn't want her friends catching "poorly heart". She was quickly satisfied that it wasn't catching, but it might be worth warning DD that some children might think this way...?

Thanks everyone. Some points I hadn't thought of there. I'll make sure I sit DD down and have a talk with her to prepare her with some answers. And I'll definately chat with the teacher soon too.