At what point does SN inclusion in mainstream school become unwise?

[sausagepastie]

I have a NT son in mainstream school(KS1) whose best friend has Aspergers.

This child's behaviour is terrible towards ds - they share some games and secret codes etc and are very attached but the relationship appears very unhealthy to me since I witnessed them playing together at home.

The child with AS is awful to ds, constantly berating him and being very rude, bossy, ignoring adults etc. DS just apologises.

i have noticed a really sad change in ds over recent months and he comes home often in tears, being angry, rude, nasty - and then it comes out how horrid his 'friend' has been to him at school.

I've advised telling a teacher, advised and practised saying 'please stop that' and told ds to walk away - he has tried several of these tactics but nothing is working.

The child in question seems to have no other friends and DS defends him to the hilt which again I feel is a sign of things being wrong.

Short of taking ds out of school what can I do, it's been going on for goodness knows how long but certainly a few months. I know the school did nothing when my friend;s son was bullied in yr2, so have little confidence in them - and if I speak to his mother, it may not help either as I presume some of the behaviour is AS related.

Starting to despair, any thoughts welcome - but I am begging to think this boy should not be in mainstream school if his behaviour is so unpleasant. I was all for integration before experiencing this.

I know the school did nothing when my friend;s son was bullied in yr2

this suggests that maybe its your DSs school in particular has a problem dealing with bullying, rather than an SN issue specifically?

Sorry, yes I am aware it isn't just SN children who are responsible for upsetting other children! I'm sorry if it came across as anything like that.

I do feel it is at least related to the child's AS if not a direct result of it - but that's not really the issue as you say.

I get the feeling though that school is so keen to promote inclusion that they may be resisting telling this child off, or intervening, for fear of upsetting his parents or of upsetting him. I don't know tbh.

I get the feeling though that school is so keen to promote inclusion that they may be resisting telling this child off, or intervening, for fear of upsetting his parents or of upsetting him. I don't know tbh.

You could be right. But again, its the school's problem. Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with the teacher and/or head. Bullying, whoever is doing it, is unacceptable.

Thanks Grimma, I have emailed the class teacher just now.

Bullying is unacceptable, whoever is doing it. If you get no help from the class teacher then complain in writing to the Head Teacher and write to the Board of Governors.

Maybe your son's friend needs more support in terms of his social skills difficulties, which is part of his AS condition. He may be unaware that he is upsetting your son, but the school still need to resolve the bullying.

I have a SN child, and she is often on the receiving end of bullying, so I do understand how upsetting it can be as a parent.

Good luck!