Moving primary schools

[MrsBobbins]

Hi all, first time poster here just after some thoughts and/or advice! Long story - we have a 5 year old son who is happy and settled in his current primary school, this primary school was our second choice, our first choice (a VA faith school 5 mins around the corner from where we live) was dramatically over-subscribed and we didn't score enough "points" to gain a place. We were very disappointed and appealed but to no avail. Out of the blue last weekend we received a letter from our first choice primary school offering our DS a place to start after the Easter holidays. I am totally confused as to what to do, our son is a very sensitive child and does not react well to change, it took us about 8 months to get him settled in nursery, then he had to move schools and we experienced similar problems settling him into reception. The first choice school we have been offered a place at is a fantastic school ("outstanding" Ofsted ratings for both infants and juniors) and parents are falling over themselves to get their kids in there. The current infant school where our DS is also an excellent school but the juniors is not so hot. I am really torn as to what to do, DH wants to move our son stating that he is going to do much better in the new school and that it's our job to give him the best start in life we can academically. My concern is that my son is going to be really upset and traumatised by a move (every time its mentioned to him he becomes hysterical and sobs his heart out begging me not to take him away from his current school and friends) I just don't know what to do....any thoughts / advice / similar experiences greatly appreciated....

I think if he is settled and happy at an excellent school, and hates the idea of being made to change, then I'd leave him just where he is. A "better start" academically is not going to happen if your DS is made miserable by the change - if it will take him months to settle in, then he'll not be getting a good start there.

I have had to move our DCs twice because of house moves (3 different cities, so far). They have generally been very understanding of the necessity of changing schools, but we still have days when they throw something like: "No-one will be my friend, because they all say they've known X since pre-school, blah, blah" and that's Y4! I don't know how I'd respond to that kind of thing if I knew that I'd had a choice in it, and that I'd made my choice based on the fear that they might not achieve as much in a school they were otherwise happy in. I believe that my DC will achieve because I support them and their school.

Will it affect the secondary school they go to? We have a very strict feeder school system here so changing primary schools may often mean a change of secondary school also.

I'd probably move him at that age. I moved my dd, tho I had to buy her a dog to persuade her...

Thanks for the replies guys, not going to make a huge difference to his secondary school as both primary schools have more or less the same feeder schools. The main benefit to moving him would be the difference in the junior schools; the one we are considering moving him to is much better than the one where he is now. I am just not convinced that that is a good enough reason to warrant disrupting and upsetting him now. DS is a very sensitive child and I know he will not react well to a move, he is very bright though so I'm thinking if he's clever he's going to do well wherever he is. Not sure what's going to happen as DH is set on moving him and I want to leave him where he is.....

I'd leave him where he is MrsB. If he's happy and it's a good school, that's a result for a sensitive boy. I've got a boy who sounds similar and it's been quite a struggle to settle him. His school would have to be dire for me to move him now. And you're right he'll do fine wherever. Purely anecdotal, but DS's best friend got a place at an outstanding school, so left. He's been gone a term and his mum's seriously considering considering putting him on the waiting list to move him back. He's really struggled at the new school and she doesn't like how pushy it is. He's quite a confident boy but she says he's showing no signs of settling and is upset most mornings before going in.

We had to move our DS (year 2), due to a house move, from a school where he was very happy. Despite leaving all our family and friends and moving 400 miles, moving schools was one of our biggest concerns and heartaches. DS doesn't always react well to change and we were taking him away from a lovely group of friends and an environment we were all very happy with. After an intial wobbly start, 6 months down the line he is happy, settled and doing well.

However, I would make a few more points. You say the new school is outstanding and other parents are desperate to get their children into it but have you visited the school? What is your gut feeling about it? Ofsted wise it may appear 'better' but that doesn't mean it will be the best for your son. We didn't choose our catchment school despite the fact it too was outstanding and it is locally held in very high regard. We prefered another local school which doesn't look as shiny and well presented as the catchment school, it wasn't outstanding at that point although it has since been awarded outstanding, and isn't, within the local area, thought of as highly. However, for us it 'felt' right for our son. It may be worth thinking about which school would be right for your son rather than what is locally regarded as the best school.

A piece of advice we were given a long time ago, by an experienced primary teacher, and has stuck with us was, children tend to make their friends at primary school and are educated at secondary school. This is clearly a broad statement but as long as your son is doing OK at school, is happy and is settled there it would seem an awfully big upheaval.

It's a huge decision for you and I wish you and your son well.

"A piece of advice we were given a long time ago, by an experienced primary teacher, and has stuck with us was, children tend to make their friends at primary school and are educated at secondary school."

I don't think this is true at all - ime and imo friendships at primary are mainly relationships of convenience and proximity - my dc have tended to be friends purely with kids from their own class and that's a pretty small pool of potential friends. Ds1's social horizons expanded massively once he went to secondary and he now actively chooses to spend time with the kids he's friends with rather than just seeing them because they're there. In my dc's primary there is a lot of movement in and out of the school so children are constantly getting used to change - families move, circumstances change and I wouldn't necc make decisions which could affect your ds longterm on the basis of not moving him away from his friends right now.

Having said that, does your first choice school have another intake at y3? If they do, then that might feel a more 'natural' point to make a change

Thanks for all your answers, still none the wiser at the mo, DH wants to move him and I don't so not a great atmosphere round at our house at the moment!! We are going to visit the potential new school on Monday afternoon with DS and will have to make a decision after that, am dreading it TBH...