Ds's 'best friend' has suddenly turned on him

[philmassive]

My DS is 6, in year 2, and his 'best friend' since nursery has suddenly turned on him and is calling him names, kicking and pushing him and then going and 'telling' on him for things that (my ds says) he hasn't done. This seems to have come on since my ds has made friends with another child and also his 'best friend' has also made friends with a new boy to their class. Are you still with me here?!

My problem is that I am very close friends with my DS's 'best friend's' mum and though I have tried to talk to her about it she is quite strict and goes off at him quite strongly. Her son then tells her that my son has done XYorZ to make him react, in my view as a form of defence to her. This little boy is very bright and knows how to divert attention from himself on to another person.

I absolutely appreciate that my DS could be somehow provoking this behaviour, and I am seeing him through the rosy glow of a mother's eyes BUT he is genuinely very upset and avoids his 'friend' at the school gates, and I have witnessed this boy being spiteful in the past, so my gut feeling is that he is telling the truth and this boy is being mean to my DS just for fun.

My DS told me tonight that he knew that his friend was clever enough not to be unkind to him in front of his mum so his mum thinks that he is a good boy. He also told me that he didn't want him to come to his birthday but he knew he had to ask him as we are now friends as a family, but he wanted me to watch all the time to make sure that this boy was not mean to him.

Thank you if you have stayed with me for this long! What do I do here? Do I speak to his mum again and risk the horrible tit for tat stories again and things not really getting anywhere? Do I speak to the teacher or is that just too awful a thing to do when I know his mum so well? I have told my DS to tell him strongly 'I don't like it when you do/say that to me' but he is not a confrontational or confident child and he just says 'I can't'.

My greatest fear is that this boy knows so much about my ds and can hit him where it hurts, if you know what I mean. It's the thing with 'best friend, worst enemy', and I want to stop it before it gets any worse.

Please help me with your thoughts.

sorry, i have no advice but am sure someone will come along who has had experience of this so will bump ...

Ah yes, this old problem.

If these boys are anything like the hundreds of other primary aged children I have had the pleasure of knowing, they will be best friends again tomorrow, or next week.

It is almost inevitable that these kind of problems arise, but usually they sort themselves out.

Children need to learnabout conflict and conflict resolution. They need to have times like these to give them the experience to deal with them in future.

Keep an eye on it, let the teacher know, but don't over worry about it yet.

and chances are, they are both as bad as each other in provoking and antagonising each other.

You need to speak to the teacher.The mum's gut reaction will be to believe HER own son, so you need an objective POV.
Don't say anything to the other mum, I have seen far too many parents fall out with their DC's friends and of course the kids make up, but the parents don't.

I wouldn't tell the school, it will come as a big shock to the other mum if she finds out and she will feel let down by you. I think that this will settle itself down. I don't agree with the advice of saying 'I don't like it when you do/say that to me' because that is exactly what his 'best friend' wants to hear. He is being spiteful to your DS in order to make him upset. I think that he possibly still likes your DS a lot and is upset that your DS has found a new friend and is trying to punish him for it. My guess is that in time they will end up being close friends again.

The school won't tell the other mum that you have been in to complain.They won't say anything at all to unless and until they observe something themselves.