Impending parents' evening- advice please!!

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

My dd1 is 6yo, in P2, and IMO is not really being challenged wrt her reading. She can read all the words in all the books she brings home really easily, has good comprehension (I've checked!) I haven't really minded too much, as she reads other books at home (for age 9+, according to the book)and these DO test her a little- she often asks what words mean, although she reads them fluently (even adds voices and inflections!) But she does seem to be getting a bit bored with her schoolwork, which worries me a little.

At her last parents' evening, her teacher remarked that she was ahead of her peers in her reading (and maths), but that I "shouldn't worry, as the others will soon catch up" and that "the important thing is not to let her get too far ahead of herself"! I, like the coward I am, said nothing I felt like she was accusing me of somehow hothousing dd, although the truth is she is just a little girl who loves to read, and I am loathe to try to hold her back!

Parents evening is now looming again, and I wasn't going to say anything as there are only a couple more months until summer, and I thought maybe a new teacher might challenge her a bit more, but dd says today that she thinks she is getting this same teacher again! DH and my dad think I need to say something, but neither of them can be there, and I am intrinsically a Nice Person, who hates to upset anyone or be confrontational! I'm squirming at the thought of questioning the teacher, tbh- she seems like a nice enough person, and I'm sure teachers must roll their eyes every time a parent comes in telling them that THEIR dd/ds is brighter than bright and needs to be more stretched- I'm guessing they hear it a LOT! I really don't want to come across as that kind of pushy parent, as I hate the idea that the teacher will then dislike me and take it out on my dd (I know, I know- I am pathetic jellyfish!) But I want to make sure I am doing my best for dd.

I was very bright at her age, and was bored witless in my first few years at school, until I got a great teacher who encouraged me in creative writing/ poetry. I guess I was hoping dd might get a teacher like that, and I wouldn't have to say anything, but I guess it's really up to me to say something- but What?? How to put it?? Or should I just keep schtum and carry on encouraging dd at home? Is it even worth saying anything at this stage?? Pleeease help me!

bump- please someone give me great and wise advice

Your DD sounds fab

Fantastic reading age and ability for a 6yo, I don't think your a pushy mum, just want the best for your child. Our DD was in similar position, and ended up very sad and lonely at school, the other children just didn't understand what she was talking about - she quotes a lot from the stuff she reads and got quite concerned that no one in her school knew about all of the fabulous stuff she had read about -

I think you should be firm with teacher, say how pleased you and DH are with her work and progress at home and as she is doing so well what planning is in place to ensure that she reaches her full potential, so many things are put in place for underachieving children that sometimes the bright ones get a bit left out, this is such an important stage in her life if she is bored now she may loose interest and just coast along or worse not bother, she is obviously excited to learn and motivated by you and DH at home to do so, the school need to step up now and provide resources and encouragement for her in the classroom too, regardless of the achievements of her classmates.

Thank you for replying! I know deep down I have to talk to her teacher! I'm trying to get it straight in my head what I want to say so I can get the point across without seeming too pushy and boastful-parenty- and I only have 8 minutes assigned to have this discussion, so I don't want to be trying to make it up on the spot!

I know exactly what you are saying about bright kids getting left to coast- it was the reason my parents ended up sending me private at secondary level, but I was hoping things had moved on a bit since I was at school- I have heard they have "accelerated learning" programs, possibly further up the school? I'm just so tied up in not looking like one of THOSE parents, who I'm sure teachers detest

I'm a teacher. You're right, some parents are extremely irritating because they think their children are much more able than they are. I'd never take that out on the child however.

You and your daughter don't sound like this at all. Your daughter sounds extremely bright and the comments her teacher made about the others catching up with her and not letting her get ahead of herself are unintelligent.

She should be allowed to fly in the direction she wants to. She should be encouraged to succeed. You must talk to the teacher and ask how they differentiate the work for more able children.

Class sizes are so big that it is difficult for teachers to give every child the attention, time and planning they need to achieve as true individuals but it can be done and jolly well should be.

Remeber that some parents are abusive to teachers at times and others don't even turn up to parents' evenings so your very worthwhile enquiries will not be viewed negatively.

Good luck!

Thank you, fireandlife- good to get a teacher's POV on this! I think I am almost embarrassed that dd is so bright- it sounds like crowing/ pretension. I like the expression "how do you differentiate the work for more able children", as it sounds less critical than "My dd isn't getting enough stimulation!" I might just use that!

Dont think of it as pushy. If your child was struggling and falling behind you wouldnt think twice abt coming forward and asking for help.
Be brave and hold your head up, you have a smart child who deserves to work within her capabilities and deserves the same attention to her education she would receive if she were less able. You owe it to her to see that she reaches her full potential.

Be open about what she is reading and comprehending at home and raise your concerns abt the level she is being expected to attain at school. It may well be the teacher has not individually assessed the children to any extent if there are many children in the class they may have just been grouped according to observed ability. As happened in my dds case - after we raised our concern she was fully tested and given an accelerated reading programme and the teacher apologised for having missed it.

If the school is reluctant to acknowledge your concern and you definately can see she is a high achiever then have her tested and present the results to the school and push for extension work and appropriate level reading material.

Good luck!

The only thing for me is to wonder if a parents evening is the right place for this? You'll probably have a 10 min slot, and it'll be no where near enough. Maybe bring it up as per the other posters above, and offer to come and see the teacher at another time to discuss it further so that the queue of other parents doesn't overwhelm the teacher.

Thank you again, guys- I will have to be brave! You are right, THK if she was struggling I wouldn't think twice about speaking out. And bookangerooWonders you may be right that I should bring it up but offer to speak to the teacher at a later date, as yes, we have 8 minute appointment slots, and I am very concious of holding the teacher back (my mum was a teacher, so I have some sympathies!)

It is tomorrow afternoon, so I'm glad I got some opinions before then! I tend to just sit politely while they bamboozle me with the levels she is "working towards", but seems to have actually acheived! All these A, B's and Cs confuse the life out of me. Last time the teacher said "She is working towards level B. She was tested last christmas (in P1!- unknown to me!) and found to be level B then" and this is when she added the bit about the others soon catching up Sometimes it seems like the teacher has a spiel to give you, and that takes up all the time allotted! As I said, I am one of those people who hates to be seen as demanding or a nuisance, but maybe as DH said last night I need to "grow a pair" and say what I really mean! Can't say I'm looking forward to it, though!

Bookangeroowonders - agree thats a very valid point.
maybe for your 8 minute ( and counting) slot possibly go and listen and take notes from the teachers all round perspective of yr dds performance and then ask the teacher at the end if you could arrange a seperate appointment the following week to go through any questions you have once you have had chance to absorb the information she has just given you.
That also gives you time to check out levels etc that the teacher has highlighted.

Stay brave

That sounds good, THK- so grateful for all these ideas! I think I will mention to the teacher that I have some concerns re dd's reading levels but that I can appreciate how busy she is, so maybe I could arrange another time to talk to her? That way she gets a bit of a chance to review too? Do you think she would appreciate that, or does it sound bossy?!

I would echo what others have said - parents' evening is not your only opportunity to speak to the teacher. Make a separate appointment for another day - you will also possibly find this second meeting is taken more seriously than your 8 minute slot at parents' night so more effective!
My dd is at the other end of the scale and I have regular 30 minute chats with her teacher to discuss her "progress" - in fact I did not even go to see her teacher on parents' night as I couldn't get an appropriate time slot and had already spoken to her 2 weeks earlier!

sounds good to me, but suggest put a timeframe for the next meeting like before easter or the first week after easter so the teacher realises this requires follow up.
maybe say you are genuinely concerned your childs reading level is below her reading ability based on her home reading and could this be looked into before your next meeting.
Its horrid feeling youre being judged but dont let it stop you getting the best for dd!

Feel so much better now I have a plan of action- you have motivated me ladies, thank you! I CAN be nice AND a bit pushy, can't I? Think the separate appt definitely a good idea- I will ask politely tomorrow when it can be arranged. When do teachers usually prefer to have these meetings- after school, I assume? Is it a fairly common thing for them to have to do, or will it mean keeping her unusually late? I do know teachers work hard, and I don't want to put her out too much.

After school is fine. I think it's a good idea to ask for another appointment too. Really good luck. I'm sure you'll be lovely!

We have ours in the morning before school as I work. If it goes over into school time it is OK as it is the teacher's non-contact time anyway. ASk the teacher when would be suitable. If she is like those at my dd's school she will be happy to speak to you at a pre-arranged time.

Right, will-

1. Listen to what teacher has to say first re dd

1. raise concern about dd's reading level, but say that I realise this might not be the most convenient time for her to discuss with me

1. ask when it would be suitable for me to come and see her to discuss

I feel all in control again now !

It doesn't help that I went to the same school as a little girl and going back makes me feel about 6 yrs old again! But I feel like I can do this now without making too much of a pain of myself! Thanks again