Did I handle this Ok?

[sausagepastie]

I am feeling frustrated about it and not sure of best protocol.

There is a mum at school and she often goes on to work after drop off, but sveral times a week she leaves her son early, I mean about 10 minutes before the bell.

She usually asks whoever is around to keep an eye' on him and make sure he goes in OK. It's usually not a big problem because they all muck about and race around, then go in as planned, but it makes me feel awkward for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, it is very hard to even locate her son, let alone supervise him - I wouldn't a have a clue where he was most of the time, just somewhere in the playground - hopefully. They all play chase before the bell.
Secondly I have a very rampant toddler at the moment who only last week had an accident in the playground before school, requiring a dash to A&E.
It's hard enough keeping an eye on him and his bro, without someone else's kid.
There is another step-mum who has started asking me as well, and it's getting silly.

We are always early so I feel like a sitting duck, especially as there isn't always anyone else around for her to ask and she pinpoints me then buggers off to work as early as possible (she could get away with being a few minutes later but doesn't - no idea why - just easier for her I think)

This morning I tried to not make eye contact, but despite my having my eyes closed and saying I felt terrible (sore throat, knackered etc) she still asked me to look out for her ds.

I said 'I feel worried about it because if something DID happen to him, I would have to go after my toddler, and couldn't actually help him or do anything' and she said 'Oh there is always a teacher around, don't worry' so I sort of went 'That's true I suppose' and she said 'are you sure you don't mind' and I said, well, I don't mind but I can't do anything if he is hurt etc'.

She basically said she didn't expect anything to happen, and went off cheerfully to work.

It seems to me that if she is that confident, why ask someone else to take the responsibility - it's unfair. Plus if something did happen to him and I had been 'in charge' I'm sure she wouldn't be so blaise.

aibu, really, not to want to be in this position? It's silly really but is bugging me.

I'd wait in the car - read the kids a story, listen to music...whatever I just wouldn't be in playground till bell time.

I try, but ds1 really gets a lot out of being in the playground - he has to burn off some energy before the bell.

It is just one of those things, I'm sure it will work itself out!

sausagepastie that must be hard for you ( the seperation anxiety) I'm sure in time it will get easier for you all.

As said on an earlier post, be there late for a week to break the cycle. Then when you are early again, be on the phone or do some imaginary running after your toddler to escape her.

Or you could even say that you are trying to wean your DS off you staying, so its best to ask someone else as you may be leaving early yourself.

You need to nip it in the bud if its going to happen again in a few years' time.....

That's a good idea taffeta, thanks...I like the bit about leaving early to get ds used to it, or telling her that in any case...though I dislike lying.

This morning we arrived through separate entrances and I could see she had her work clothes on, so I hung back and avoided going to my usual place.
I actually sat on the other side of the playground, with the pushchair, and luckily there was another mum there with her so she asked her instead. I'm not sure if she was happy about it or not, didn't look too chuffed!
The one I was avoiding then left, but she kept looking over at me so I think she might have been wondering if I was avoiding her. Too right I am!
I hope she takes the hint, she's not thick so she must know. I was sure she would walk across to me and demand I keep an eye on him, if the other mum hadn't been there.

I know it sounds petty, it sounds petty to me, really, but I just think she needs to be clear - does she think he is going to be fine without her, or not? If yes, then don't ask other parents to care for him, because it's not necessary. If no, then don't leave him by himself.

Even if it's unlikely anything would go wrong, the parent she asks feels under an obligation to be alert, and if something did happen, would feel really bad - at least I would.
It's pointless.

I can understand how you feel sausage (may I call you sausage?)

Next time she asks, say "Ooooh, there's a teacher over there, why not ask her? I got a bit distracted last week watching them and DS had an accident!" Or you could say something like "actually, I'm waiting for a phone call and will have to dash off myself in a minute..."

You could make a few bob if you were canny!

Just say - well I'm noticing how you ask me to look after your boy every morning for X amount of time, and am wondering if you want to come to a more formal arrangement - I reckon that my services are worth 20 quid a morning to you, so how about we go with that - that's a hunderd a week.
and I''ll think about letting you off the X amount you already owe me for looking after your son for Y amount of time that I've already done.

That should stop her using you like an unpaid help, and maybe she will learn to respect your time a little more.

Or you could just say no - that you are having some time with your own children and are not a minder.

Don't feel bad

I know it must be a rush for her (and I do know how difficult it is), but if she has set things up so that she needs CHILDCARE every morning, she should used a childminder or a breakfast club, or make some other formal arrangement with another parent. She could even try to arrange to begin work 15 minutes later.

Very odd that she feels the need to ask at all - surely at most schools once the playground is supervised (at ours it's 8.45) then it's fine to drop the kids off.

I think I would say "you don't need to ask you know - the playground is supervised by a teacher so there's no need for any parent to stay if they have to rush off to work".

Sausage - totally sympathise wrt the toddler/playground nightmare, rather ot but I just wanted to give you a bit of hope.

I have a nearly 6yo and a just turned 3yo, the last 2 terms have been a nightmare. dd2 screams if in a pushchair but was unruly crossing the road and in the playground.

After months of work with mobile tickcharts in a notebook and various distractions she has finally settled down. She still very much needs to run around but will now listen to me much more and her behaviour is hugely improved.

I agree, btw, that letting them have a good run around is important. dd2 would get frustrated in the push chair but manic if only given a short run around. We arrive early too and have 15 mins of dashing about (them, not me)

THink you need to establish what teh school policy is first and ask that they ensure that all parents know this. Our school prefers if children are not left until 15 minutes before bell at earliest. There is no playground supervision in the mornings - and we were all advised this when they started school. THerefore parents can make a choice to either make a formal arrangement for childcare (ie I used to look after someone else's kids until school started) OR parents can hang around looking after their OWN kids OR you drop and run.

Our playground isn't supervised in the mornings. Children are parents responsibility until the bell goes.

Thanks for the hope, prof! much appreciated.

Our playground is supervised, and there are some kids (only about 1 or 2) who are dropped off at about 8.30 and the teacher takes care of them - littlies, I mean.

Nothing formal for the older ones. But there is always a teacher.

I don't know why she leaves so early, I'm sure she managed Ok last year. I think she just likes to be early, or maybe her hours have changed a bit. I just don't like being taken for granted - I've done this for weeks now and just getting fed up with it.

Thanks again for all the ideas. I feel more justified now therefore will have more oomph behind my sneaky little plans

our (R, y1+2) playground isn't supervised. children are parents responsibility until they go indoors.

didn't realise that this wasn't the norm tbh

Our school playground isn't supervised either in the morning.

Our playground isn't supervised either. DD is in reception and it is the parents responsibility to look after them until they go into the classroom.

I have had a similar issue myself with another mum who works full time and dashes around trying to palm off her little girl on someone so she can leave early. Most times I don't mind, but the general assumption that because I don't work, I'm happy to be her unpaid childminder (albeit for 5 minutes) is irritating! ( I also have a crazy toddler to supervise so understand where you are coming from!)

Blimey - so many unsupervised playgrounds! No wonder so many schools have parking problems!

We also have a parking problem, it's in a tiny street, prowling traffic wardens, and only about 5 spaces between all the early years parents, many of whom stay anyway despite supervision.

Runout, thankyou for the empathy! Glad it isn't just me.

If you dont want to do it then I think you just have to be honest and tell her.

On the other hand it is only 10 minutes at most (I dont think her boss would be pleased if she was 10 minutes late EVERY day) and you never know when you might need help.

There is nothing wrong with just saying "no". No need to make excuses or feel uncomfortable. If she is making you feel uncomfortable with what she is asking then she needs a direct and clear answer. If the situation was reversed and you were told "no" then you wouldn't feel bad about things I presume.