Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

Original poster

Is it a bit cruel to leave just 3 boys (age 7) out of the school football team?

24 replies

Whippet · 14/03/2010 21:16

I can't decide whether this is just a bit cruel and unnecessary, or par for the course.

Clearly my DS is one of the ones left out...

Here are the facts:

Small school - only 15 boys in Year 3
Normally field two teams (A & B) for matches, and all boys are included

Next Thurs there is a match, and 3 of the boys have not been included in team.

I'm not surprised, as DS is youngest in the year, and not very good at football. Nor does he go to after school football club.

HOWEVER we have been working with the school to help his confidence and self-esteem, as he really lacks confidence vs his peers and is always saying he's 'rubbish' at stuff.

I can't help feeling the excluding just 3 boys is rather unnecessary? Surely there is a point when they are older when 'making the team' becomes a bit more serious/appropriate?

If it's any consolation he isn't too bothered about it at the moment, but I still can't help feeling it's a bit non-inclusive at too early an age?

Surely they could just have taken all of them and played some subs throughout the match?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BooKangerooWonders · 14/03/2010 21:34

3 out of 15 is fine to my mind. If just 1 were left out it might be an issue. By yr 3 surely boys know if they're interested in football, so go to after school club? And you say yours isn't bothered. Can you focus on what he is interested in and can get better at?

JoeyBettany · 15/03/2010 10:31

What about joining cubs?

my ds also y3 hates football and spends his playtimes playing 'How clean is your house' with his mate, the only other boy in the class who also dislikes football!

Cubs has really helped his confidence though, v good for encouraging interest in lots of different things.

annh · 15/03/2010 10:36

Three out of 15 means that one-fifth of the boys have not been chosen for the team which I think is fine. My memories of ds1 playing football are a bit hazy but isn't there a limit to the number of subs they can play during a match anyway so what is the point of bringing kids who have no chance of playing? There are also probably practical transportation and supervision reasons why they can't take all of the boys. Does your son even particularly care about football?

Original poster

Whippet · 15/03/2010 10:39

He already does Beavers, and will go to cubs later in the year.

Problem is, I'm really struggling to find something he is very interested in, and might get good at... he seems very 'anti' anything of an organised nature, and to be honest he's a bit of a whinger sensitive child.

-Did football club at school for a couple of terms, but disliked being bossed about by the good ones/alpha males

Did tennis last year on a Saturday, but stopped as none of his friends went, and he 'didn't want to play with the girls'

goes to Beavers and enjoys it when he's there, but it's a battle to get him out of the house to go (and he says he doesn't want to go, which is very wearing for DH & I)

goes to after school drama club, but usually comes out complaining about someone messing about and spoiling it

he likes swimming, but 'hates' swimming lessons (but we've told he needs to continue until he gets to a certain level e.g. can swim 200 metres in 3 strokes)

I really do worry about him - the only things he is REALLY enthusiastic about are LEGO and computer games

OP posts:

Original poster

Whippet · 15/03/2010 10:48

annh - no- I'm not really too bothered about the football thing, although to give a bit of context I am more bothered about the WAY in which this was communicated ...

Up until now all 15 boys have always played in matches across an A & B teams - so always all included. This is the first time the have actively chosen teams. The way it was communicated was shocking in my opinion since they READ OUT who was NOT required. DS was the only boy in his class (only 7 boys) who wasn't required, so it seemed very pointed and rather humiliating i.e. "There is a match on Thurs and everyone except DS is required.."

Bearing in mind the conversations I've had with his teacher about encouragement and building self-esteem I think this was particularly insenstive...

I don't really care whether he plays or not, but I don't think any child should be made to feel so publicly humiliated

OP posts:

hoofhearted · 15/03/2010 11:46

Whippet. I do think it is unreasonable. They could have kept the 3 as subs and if possible given them 10 mins each. I would say what you have told us about the way it was relayed to the children to the teacher/head and say how humiliating it was for your DS

helyg · 15/03/2010 11:58

I think the way that they were told wasn't the best, especially when he has self-esteem issues.

My eldest is 7 and plays football for the village team, he is one of the youngest (it is an under 11 league) so although he turns up to training every week he doesn't always get a game but if he doesn't get a game he is told that he is being "rested" that week and will definitely get a game the following week (which he always does). So he doesn't feel as though he isn't getting a game because he is rubbish.

Your son sounds very like my other son, who is 5. He isn't really into organised activities, he would rather stay home and read or play with his lego. Which is direct contrast to my eldest, who would join every activity and sports team going if he had the chance. But they're all different, and that's what makes life interesting!

Clary · 15/03/2010 12:00

It does sound as if it was badly handled at school.

Those who say those 3 could be subs - if there are 12 players there must be 2 subs anyway, as you either play 5 or 7 a side. I've never heard of anyone playign 6 a side footy. FWIW.

claig · 15/03/2010 12:09

I agree with you, they should have taken all of the boys and used them as subs. I think it was insensitive.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 15/03/2010 12:12

I agree that they should have taken all of the boys, they could have been used as subs/reporters for the school newspaper (if you have one) etc. Have you tried a fencing club? ds isn't a sporty child and he likes this, they can go from age 8 here. He also likes games workshop if you have one near you.

marialuisa · 15/03/2010 12:22

I'm surprised they include the boys who choose not to go to extra training at all TBH, would they not be able to field a team at all if they didn't? DD's school ensures that everyone who goes to extra training gets to play in at least one match but those who don't go to training aren't considered for the team. The kids don't seem to have a problem with it.

kylesmybaby · 15/03/2010 12:30

if he doesnt go to the football club then theres not much chance of being in the football team - or have i musunderstood.

its like saying my son hasnt been chosen for the school chess competition - oh but he go to chess club.

kylesmybaby · 15/03/2010 12:34

sorry should have read the whole thing. i do think it was badly handled!

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 15/03/2010 12:39

Ds was in the chess club at his old school, he only lost 1 game in 2 terms and wan't chosen for the chess team, they did give a place to someone that didn't know how to play and needed alot of lessons though. The school never won a game!!

It's really unfair IMO, it does nothing but teach a child how unfair adults are and how cr*p life can be.

pigsinmud · 15/03/2010 12:39

The problem is if they are kept as subs, they probably won't be used. Surely it's more demoralising standing at the side of the pitch not being used.

Ds2 had a football tournament last week between 7 different schools. He was lucky and played in all 6 matches, however his friend, who was one of the subs, played in 1/2 a match. There were several other children who were subs and didn't get to play at all. I thought it was a bit crap, but I suppose the teacher knows the best team and she always wants to win!

The way it was handled was rubbish though - horrified that a list of those not being used was read out.

Original poster

Whippet · 15/03/2010 13:31

I don't have a problem with him not being picked - as he gets older he needs to learn that not everyone gets chosen for everything.
The chess club analogy is a good one. It was the same with my elder DS - hopeless at football and delighted NOT to make the team but it was always easier 'cos he was brilliant at other stuff (music/ drama etc).
It's harder with DS2 as I don't yet have those things to point to.

Agree it was badly handled by the school, as this is the first time they haven't taken all the boys, so it came across that they were actively excluding the 3 - IYSWIM?

Should have just sent a note home to the parents of kids needed - not announced who wasn't needed!

I may have a chat to his teacher - I guess it's possible it wasn't quite as DS has relayed the information, so I better get my facts straight

Football is massively over-rated anyway IMHO

OP posts:

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 15/03/2010 14:30

The head of this particular school made a statement that "all children would be chosen to represent the school at some point" yeah right!

I agree that football is over-rated!

pigsinmud · 15/03/2010 14:32

I can't understand why BDCFB's ds was not chosen for the chess team - bizarre! Why would a teacher do that?

SoupDragon · 15/03/2010 14:33

I don't get it. Your son isn't very good at football and doesn't go to the after school club but you think he should have been picked for the team?

I don't think they handled the announcement terribly well though.

Original poster

Whippet · 15/03/2010 14:42

SoupD
No - I think they should have let us know in advance that they were now starting to be selective (after 2 years of all boys going)

and

I think they should have invited the ones who WERE in the team (i.e. the majority) and NOT just read out the names of the 3 boys who 'weren't necessary'

OP posts:

purpleturtle · 15/03/2010 14:56

When I was at the top of junior school they created a special 3rd reserve place on the B Team for netball for me, so I wasn't the only girl left out.

seeker · 15/03/2010 15:08

Badly handled - and I would say something about it to the teacher.

But this is one of the reasons I think very small schools are such a bad idea.

Another problem is, I'm not sure whether it's entirely fair on the ones who take football seriously to say that they have to have people who aren't interested and don't go to training in the team so as to be inclusive. Not sure absolutely what I think about this, but I know that my ds would be peeved, to say the least, if they lost a match because everyone had to have a go. Particularly if he went to training and they didn't. Difficult.

Original poster

Whippet · 15/03/2010 15:30

Seeker - no, I agree with you - if DS went to the training I would probably have expected him to be included, but he made the decision not to go to the club, so I've told him he can't expect to play.

I just think at this age the announcement of 'X,Y & Z are not required' will be so easily interpreted by the others as 'X,Y & Z are crap..'

I'm probably just very sensitive to it, as DS has been the butt of some teasing about his lack of football prowess, so this just rubs salt into the wounds. It's just so unnecessary really....

OP posts:

Reallytired · 15/03/2010 19:33

I think that the way the school handled it was unfair. It would have been kinder to put up a list of those who were in the team.

However there are not prizes for all in life and year 3 is a reasonable age to be introduced to the idea that if you want to to make the football team you have to be good enough and put in the work.

My son's large primary school had a selective choir as well as a non selective choir. There were some children who were in tears at the age of six because they were not good enough to be in the choir. My son was in tears in reception when none of his scribbles art work was displayed at open evening. Football or being selected as gifted and talented is no different.

As mothers the best thing we can do is comfort our children when they face the hardships of life. Life is competitive and there has to be balance between keeping children happy and letting them learn that they need to work if they want to be the best.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread