Hyper playground behaviour

[fairysparkle67]

Looking for advice .....my DS (5) is not behaving well in the playground. His teacher has spoken to me several times and is now suggesting that we reduce his lunch hour. I take him home for lunch as often as I can ( I work PT). He is generally a lovely boy, and is working well in class. But when it comes to unsupervised social settings he turns into a loony! Hit hits, says silly things and is generally out of control. I don't even think he enjoys it.

But things are serious now, the school says it can't go on like this and he is facing "time out" in school.

What can I do to help him?

First and foremost, what can the school do to help?

They've encountered this a thousand times before. They have the experience. I think it's entirely appropriate for you to ask them how they intend tackling it! That way you're a) informing them that you're 'on to it' and b), letting them know that, as they 'have' your DC for 6 hours a day, they also have to have strategies in place!

Firstly, personally I do not feel it is appropriate to be taking him home at lunch time. It may well make things easier for the school, but it is not good for your son in the long run.

He needs to learn not be pulled out of the situation. What he needs is more guidance from you at home and also more supervision at lunch which can be hard. You also need to back the school up in terms of punishments.

If he misbehaves at school, he should be punished at home. Every time you think he steps out of line, you should let him know what he is doing wrong.

It can be tough, but it will all work out.

Hope that helps.

Help4Parents

hmm well what do YOU think will help him?

I am going to contradict pp here and say yhat actually, if you think he is just too young/immature to be able to behave in the way they want then I think having him at home is fine, although you do need to help him with those social skills too

he's just a little boy, not a machine who needs to be punished into behaving a certain way.

is he actually hurting other children/being disruptive etc etc? or is he just a bit in-your-face and boisterous?
because if it's the latter then i think that's absolutely normal, and all that needs IMO is for the teacher to keep a close eye on him and just keep gently reminding him that that isn't how they act at school and that he needs to be a bit gentler/quieter

if other children are getting hurt then yes, it is a bit more serious.
My main point though is that if he genuinely can't help himself then punishing him won't help. you need to help him develop the skills he is lacking to socialise well in that kind of a situation.

is he like it elsewhere? soft play, park, friend's house etc etc? or is it just at school?

Thanks for the advice folks, He is not seriously hurting people, just being silly - running past people and hitting them, almost in an attempt to make them notice him, making silly noises and saying silly things. He can behave like this in other places, but I have always monitored him, calmed him down if he can't calm himself etc.

We really try and back up the school in terms of discipline, but I agree with Thisyesterday - sometimes I feel that sanctions and threats don't stop him, simply because he actually can't modify his own behaviour. He is immature and young in his year group.

Anyone got any tips for teaching him how to behave in the playground or with groups of friends?

He doesn't like talking about it and finds it hard to accept responsibility for his own behaviour ( tells lies, says that so and so told him to do it).

I would also ask to see the headteacher and discus how the school can help, such as him having an older buddy in the playground that could encourage him to play appropriately and set a good example. I would also suggest to them it is inappropriate to punish him by shortening his lunch time, fine if he has misbehaved draconian IMO if he hasn't and it's a preventative measure.

I would NOT punish him at home (unless something very serious) too as again that very overbearing to a small child and could make him feel persecuted, especially as his behavior in the classroom is good.

maybe so-and-so IS telling him to do things?

we've found some books quite helpful, because DS1 (also 5, and also "boisterous" at school) also doesn't like talking much!

if you search amazon for social stories and things like that you should come up with some.
we have a good one about how to be friends, and it talks about what it's nice to do when you are friends with people, and what it isn't nice to do (ie, hitting, not taking turns, always wanting your own way).

he wasn't that impressed by the books, but he did sit and listen,

I do think 5 is young, particularly for some boys, to expect them to be able to cope well with a school environment. they're just like that! i think gentle reminders, chats when you're driving along (we like this, ds1 seems to be able to listen better if it isn't face to face). talking about how HE likes to play with people and what he doesn't like etc etc

he'll get there eventually