DS doesn't ask questions at school, how to help?

[Cortina]

DS's teacher has told me he is worried about asking for help if he doesn't understand. He's 5 in year one.

He seems to be a bit timid and anxious at times in the classroom, he perceives the other kids as knowing the answers already and looking silly if he doesn't understand.

How do you encourage children to take risks in their learning and ask if they don't understand? Thanks

As a teacher I have come across this often. It's hard for the child to initiate the change as that simply adds to his anxiety. If I had a child in my class who I knew struggled to ask for help, I would make a point of going to see them a minute or two into independent working so I could 'touch base' with them and check they understood. The other thing I implemented was little cards the children had in front of them with a smile on one side and a puzzled look on the other. The child put them in front of themselves smile-side up if they were happy and puzzled-side up if they were struggling. Because its not as noticeable as putting up your hand, the children don't panic so much about it.

Hope this helps

Galena that's a really cool idea!!!

That's brilliant Galena! Although the learning environment seems so competitive that I fear peer pressure might stop the children from 'drawing' their true feelings.

I wish my kids would feel happier about making mistakes, they are how we learn after all. It feels like a battle to tell them it really doesn't matter if it isn't 'perfect'!

Wish I could take the credit! Found the idea somewhere on the wonderful Interwebby Net!

Cortina, is it really that competitive?? Am a bit surprised at that for Yr1. Have just spent a quiet half hour helping with reading in DS's yr1 class and it honestly doesn't feel like that at all to me. Galena's right though isn't she? It has to come from the teacher building his confidence.

Thanks, Smee. It's interesting a couple of you have said it should come from the teacher. My school reports said 'will she ask for help if she needs it'? All the time! I always thought that I was lacking in some way for finding that so hard. Was interested when this was flagged for DS.

As for competitive, hard to say but from what I see the cohort seem to be unusually bright. Some of the work on the wall looks like it's been done by an adult - if I was DS I'd be intimidated too! There is the usual stuff about book bands - you know a child will say to me 'I am on pink now only one more to go and I'll be like Jon on orange' that sort of thing. They are all in competition with each other about who will reach the next stage. Isn't that normal then?

Absolutely normal!

Cortina, who knows, but it's definitely not normal in our class. There's a huge range of abilities, and they do sit on appropriate level tables for reading every morning, but it's very fluent. Equally ours don't know who's on what level book band, as the teacher refills the book bags, usually choosing a book from the relevant level with each child. They don't do ORT, they have a mix of books from various schemes. The teachers know what level they are but they're not marked up. My son's really jealous of his friend who is doing reading support, because he gets to go and read one-to-one daily rather than a couple of times a week. There's no sense that that boy or the other couple who are on reading recovery are bad at reading, just that they need a bit more help with it. From what I've seen, the school seem to put as much value on other areas, so there's as much praise given for someone learning to skip as learning to read, so the boy I mentioned earlier is very good at dance, so gets much praise for that. So it is competitive as that's human nature, but the stress isn't on academic areas, it's across the board iyswim. I think they aim to make all of the kids feel good/ special at something.
With your son though, it's logical isn't it, that it has to come from the teacher. What you're describing makes it sound like the start of him having low self esteem, which is sad at 5. Galena's idea sounds smart to me. Hope you sort it somehow for him.

Thank you. Just looking back at the home comment book and it seems to be that my son doesn't ask if he is confused about what the task that has been set actually is in the first place? Not sure if this is the same thing and the onus then should be on him to check?

Smee, I like the sound of your school.

We do something slightly different. If the children have understood they raise their hand with their thumb up. If they haven't understood they still raise their hand but put their thumb down. This means that it's mainly the teacher who can see the result, but the shy ones can quickly take a peek and feel reassured if other children have their thumbs down and if there are none (unlikely!) they know that it's probable they won't be spotted anyway! If any children have their thumbs down the teacher will go over the problem again without singling anybody out.

Cortina I like our school too, though they do seem to spend an extraordinary amount of time gardening and making bread..

Great sounds like the teacher is a guide and model rather than explainer and judge and a great person to bake with too!

DS sees the teacher as a 'judge' it seems, he says how can he ask questions when the teacher 'erases' his work? Not sure exactly what he means but guessing the sentiments.

I've been reading about the 3 Cs in school - choice, challenge and collaboration and 3 Rs - responsibility, respect and real.

Children apparently want to take responsibility for their learning, they want their views respected and real live situations to explore not endlessly tried and tested experiments. They want to be supported rather than supervised.

I like the idea of collaboration (which it sounds like your school encourages Smee)? Children, learn, argue, struggle and bake (? together. This helps them grow in confidence the more knowledgeable members of the team helping others learn what they need to know.

Maybe in DS's school the learning is too individual and competitive? If the person in the next group or across the table from you knows more a traditional system encourages you to see them as a rival not a resource? Collaboration is copying or cheating? This can lead to stress and competitiveness even in year one?

It's hard to compare but broadly, yes I think that's what they try and do in DS's school. They're very very strong on pastoral care, so no bullying (obviously), but they take that right down to verbal belittling, so words such as 'idiot', 'stupid', etc are banned. There's a big emphasis on taking responsibility for your own work and actions and even in reception the children if set a task are encouraged to complete it in groups and support one another without adult assistance unless they get stuck. Much talk of team work, caring for other too, so it's very deep rooted and at the core is an expectation of basically getting on and looking out for one another. To be honest I thought that's just how primaries are these days, though I know there's a huge difference between them all just from the few we looked at.

Wow, Smee, sounds wonderful!

Can I just aak which part of the country you're in, Smee? I'd hate to find in a few years that I've sent my DD to a less caring school if there's one nearby that's so good!

Is it really that rare then? Sad if so. We're inner London Galena. Though I think that's a large part of it. They have some kids from very challenging backgrounds - a fair few asylum seekers included, many of them been through all sorts of horrors in their short lives, so the school has to be a safe, secure place if all children are to thrive. It's interesting as though incredibly calm and gentle, they have a zero tolerance approach to discipline. Seems really essential to get the right atmosphere. I don't mean shouty, as I don't think I've heard a teacher shout yet. But simple clear rules as to what's acceptable and clear punishment if after warnings they still persist. It's not a school without problems, but I do like the kindness. I know my son feels very looked after and part of a community which expects him to work hard and do his best amidst. Can't ask for much more really imo.

A bit of a commute from Gloucestershire then... Ah well. But yes, in my experience it's really that rare.

That's sad Galena. I'm glad DS is so lucky then.