How do you teach your child to handle the inevitable nasty comments or occasional digs school brings?

[sandyballs]

A friend of mine seems to think that occasional digs and nasty comments shouldn't be part of school life. Whilst I agree that they 'shouldn't' be, unfortunately they are, and rather than going up the school every five minutes to complain, like her, I would like to equip my DD with the necessary tools to deal with this sort of thing.

Examples are, a quick kick under the table druing a lesson, a shove in the playground or the dinner queue, refusing to play with someone, not being chosen until last during a netball game etc etc. I'm not talking about proper bullying, just general knocks which are part of life.

My friends attitude and mine differ hugely on this and I'm interested in MN views.

Anyone?

i love your name sandy. friends of mine went there and it tickled my sense of humour too. i think just a reassuring comment each time such as - yes that must have made you sad. sometimes things like x happened to me at school too. but think about y inviting you to their party or another positive thing (age dependent of course) and try to teach them a way of thinking that is to accept bad but think about good and put it all into context. little by little their thinking can be trained to how best to deal with these things withotu too much interference or actions on th part of th parent.

Pixie is right. It is part of life, sadly. It won't do a child any good in the long run to have a parent making a big deal out of little things.

Thanks for replies, I agree it is part of life but not sure how to equip them with dealing with it, just discussing it I suppose.

Sorry to about your DD being teased Riven, that is a bit different really and very nasty.

Yes, we've been to Sandyballs a few times nwf, fab place

I think learning when not to intervene and take a step back by far the hardest thing about being a parent. But I think that sometimes you need to take a step back and ask, right, well who has this upset more, my child or myself?

I have made lots of mistakes. Have realised recently I can control how upset these incidents make me and as a result I feel a lot calmer and happier, exactly like what Buzzingnoise says it does a child no good to see a parent upset or stressed about little things(That does not mean it is ok to let very serious bullying etc occur, obviously).

To let some mildly unkind event at school ruin your evening for example by going over and over some event during the day is silly, because it eats into your family time, which is far more important.

Unfortunately they do all learn the 'law of the playground' and it stands them in good stead for the rest of their lives.

BTW Riven is a good example where said issue of comments etc is utterly wrong and needs school intervention, would be mortified if my dc's did that to a child. How ignorant, hope they were spoken to!

It is part of life, but the school plays a massive part in how kids see it/ deal with it, as obviously a good school should show children how to cope. If they have clear ground rules, the kids know when to ask for adult help. I will never forget in reception watching a TA tell my son to go back and see if he could sort out a problem of teasing himself. Neither he nor she knew I was there. She watched him go and talk to the other boys, who backed off as he handled it well. I know she'd have stepped in if the others hadn't helped, but her approach was fantastic as it boosted his confidence no end.