The 'Naughty child' in the class.

[Lucy88]

Hi

My DS started reception last September and has settled well. He can be quite shy and sometimes lacks confidence, but as I say, he has settled well.

I have a concern about 1 boy in his class who is a nightmare. He is always in trouble, doesn't listen to the teachers, sometimes hits the other kids, is rude and a general attention seeker.

For some reason he has taken a liking to my son, but I am trying to discourage this friendship, as I don't want my son to be influenced by the other lads bad behaviour.My son knows this lad is badky behaved, as he comes homes and tells me and I have witnessed his behaviour.

The teachers reguarly speak to this boys father, but I am not sure his behaviour has improved.

Has anyone else had this experience and how did you go about discouraging your child from being close friends with the 'naughty' child or did you just let them get on with it.

Thank you to everyone who has responded and Oddgirl and Gooseyloosey have definately given me food for thought.

I actually do feel sorry for the 'naughty' boy, as I have heard the way his Dad speaks to him and pushes him around - I was just seeing things from my view point and not wanting my DS to be influenced by this lad. If my DS comes home and tells me that this lad has been naughty again, then I just say to him that he should ignore him if he is naughty and walk away and go back and play with him when he has calmed down.

I think that I will take Oddgirls advice and Gooseylooseys and leave them to it, but keep encouraging my son to carry on with his good behaviour and try to get him to encourage some good behaviour in the 'naughty' boy and I will stop calling him that and use his name.

Coldtits - totally over the top post saying that if I don't have empathy I shouldn't be around a four year old. Some constructive advice like Oddgirls and Gooseyloosey would be more appropriate.

"totally over the top post saying that if I don't have empathy I shouldn't be around a four year old."

How is it appropriate for you to be around a very small child if you completely lack empathy?

Good that you're calming down, Lucy. The fact is that your ds will have to be responsible for his own behaviour in a world where behaviour varies greatly- he can't hide behind other people.

I wouldn't go over the top telling him to encourage good behaviour in the other lad, though. Have done some teaching and sometimes it was impossible to make yourself heard for the voices of the little goody-two-shoes who were trying to manage the behaviour of the rest of the class. That is the teacher's job.

You just tell him to concentrate on his own work and not worry about whether other children are naughty; the teacher will see to that. But at the same time make it clear to him that he must tell the teacher if someone is being hurt or frightened (anti-bullying). But you sometimes need to spell out to a 4yo that seeing your mate wriggle in assembly doesn't qualify as hurt or frightened.

Glad to help Lucy.

Another thing which might be worth mentioning is that I get that my son can be overwhelming for a quieter child and I would have loved it if the parents of his friend had been able to tell their son to tell ds that he just wanted some quiet time to play with someone else. We told ds that people need this sometimes and he completely understands and if the other boy tells him to go away, he does.

I also wish the other mother had talked to me but I can see that that might not work in your place.

You are not responsible for making the naughty boy happy but I am gald that you see how hard it can be for the boy and his parents.

For those with naughty boys in reception - I found the key was to work with the school. Ds has made great improvements and whilst he is still exuberant, I think that it is now largely an asset to him rather than something which always gets him into trouble.

You are lucky its only 1 boy, in DD'S CLASS OF 20 there are 4 very naughty boys!

I think if your son is sat near him and being distracted you could ask the teacher about moving him furhter away. Though at the end of the day someone is going to have to sit next to him so difficult for the teacher.

Try and encourage other friendships by inviting other kids back. Just keep praising your son's good behaviour and if he's naughty discipline in the usual way. I think good parenting will have more effect on him than one naughty kid. Reception is young, this naughty boy may well improve a lot as he gets older and better able to concetrate, etc.

Glad it helped Lucy-I also do undrestand what it must be like from your side of the fence too-my DD has no issues and is extremely well behaved at school and prior to parenting DS I am pretty sure I would have shared your anxieties too-its only natural-but as others have said good parenting on your side will all thats really required. If its any consolation because of DS DD has become an extremely empathetic and kind little girl who is always anxious to include children who are a bit different and shes only 3-learning to mix with a whole spectrum of different children with different ideas/cultures/experiences/attitudes is surely the best and broadest education anyone could desire? Hope it works out ok

I had a problem when my DS started year R. He had only just turned 4 a few weeks prior so was one of the youngest. He found it hard to adjust to only doing 1/2 days after being in fulltime nursery and felt he had done something wrong.

He was 'naughty' at school although this was limited to school. At first parents evening his teacher spent 10 minutes listing all the things be had done wrong up to that date!! I did feel then he was never going to get a chance. She also mentioned he talked really loudly - shouts at me when hes next to me - being the exact words!!! I asked if she felt he could have a prob with his ears but she said no its just him. I seeked advice from the GP anyway regards behaviour at school and mentioned his ears and turns out he has glue ear. Teachers face when I told her was a picture!!!! My DS is a very honest and loving little boy and I would feel heartbroken if other parents ahd told their children not to play with him because of this.

However I have also said a similar thing to my DS about another boy but that was because this boy would hurt him and call him names so I suggested he stay away from him. The teacher pulled me up on this and told me this boy was lovely and my DS had pushed him the week before. When I told her I knew about it and that it was because of the name this boy was calling him and because the boy was threatening him and questioned whether this sounded like a 'nice' boy to her. I also pointed out that my DS was being punished for being honest and owning up when he was in the wrong and not having the confidence to tell her the whole story.
A new strategy was put in place and after a week everything was great and he's not been in any trouble for months now!!

The reason I'm saying all this is that I can see it from both points of view. This child is prob not naughty and have have an underlying issue that makes him that way so allow your child to explore a friendship with him but if this child hurts yours then i would discourage it.